(no subject)
Title A Thousand Lines
Author:scribblemusic
Part: Standalone
Rating:Pg
Pairing: Poynter/Fletcher
Beta’d by: ichnal
Dedicated to: Floynter lovers everywhere! lol
Summary: Tom's in a skid, he can't write any music. But what happens when Dougie tries to help?
A/N: Written for a prompt for the Fic-A-Thon
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I don't have enough money.
Sometimes I can’t write anything. No melody, no lyrics or moving words that could eventually string together to become something more. Sometimes I’m just stagnant, like there’s this dark shadow in my brain blocking off all creative inspiration. But it’s never been this bad before.
I’ve been bumming around the house, staring at my lyric book with nothing to write down. I don’t know what’s wrong with me! Usually I could write songs with ease! I was getting so thoroughly frustrated and the guys have all been trying to make me go out so I could let my brain wander, but that’s just it! It’s been doing NOTHING else but wandering! It’s not focused at all and it’s driving me insane!
Usually, I could look at anything and an explosion of words would run in my head as well as a faint melody. Words between conversations could spark on a new song-- anything could be an inspiration, but there hadn’t been any lately for me.
I’ve been stressed out because we’re supposed to be recording soon and I feel like I haven’t written anything worthwhile. Danny’s not worried, he’s always so nonchalant about everything it’s frustrating. I’m not like that! I need security and a sense of stability in this business, and I’m not feeling that right now.
All I’ve been doing all week is moping around my house and trying to lock myself up in my music room, staring down at a blank piece of paper that’s screaming at me to jot down some magic. Today’s no different.
I kept moving from the piano, to the guitar, back to the piano hoping that something would motivate me, but nothing worked. Time passed and I didn’t even notice. I didn’t even realize how hungry I was until Dougie came in with a sandwich and a glass of water.
“You really need to get out and just leave it alone for a bit,” he lectured as he put the plate in front of me as well as the glass. My stomach instantly grumbled and churned.
Funny. Usually I’m the one lecturing him.
I just shrugged and picked up the sandwich. “Thanks,” I mumbled as I took a bite. Peanut butter and jelly. I couldn’t help but smile at him. He never knew how to make himself food besides the simplest things.
“What?” he asked, looking offended at my smirk. “At least I made you something! You would have perished otherwise!”
I snorted. “Perished? Please, you’re over-exaggerating. I would have left to go get something eventually.”
He raised an eyebrow as he took a seat opposite of me. “Right. Without looking at the clock, tell me what time it is.”
Frowning as I continued to eat, I thought about it. I woke up at six in the morning because I couldn’t sleep, I was too apprehensive... I couldn’t have been in here for that long. “No later than two or three,” I answered.
He looked seriously at me. “It’s seven, Tom. You’ve been in here for over twelve hours, you think that’s healthy?”
Wow. Twelve hours, huh? How can somebody lock themselves in a room with a task and get absolutely nothing accomplished within that amount of time?! WHY AM I MADE OF SUCH FAIL?
Keeping my cool, I looked detached. “So what?”
Dougie looked a bit angry. “So what?” he repeated. “So it’s obviously not working, locking yourself in here. Just take a break for an hour or so then you can come back and stare at that notebook again.”
“But we’re so behind! We’re recording in less than three weeks and we don’t have any-”
“You’re not getting anything done anyway by just sitting in here, right? It’s not going to hurt to rest for a bit.”
He’s right. God, I hate admitting that to myself.
Slowly getting up from the floor, he nodded toward the door “I’m taking Flea for a walk. Why don’t you come with us and get some fresh air? Get out of the house for a bit, yeah?”
Staring up at him from the ground, I thought about it for a minute before giving in. “Okay. But not for long!”
He smiled triumphantly and led the way out of the room. I took my sandwich and cup along with me, eating it quickly as I followed a few steps behind, staring at the back of his head.
I changed as Dougie went back to his flat to get Flea. I’d been slacking around in my jammies all day, so I threw on a pair of trousers, a t-shirt and a pair of converse, trying to make myself at least a little presentable. When I got done tying my shoes, I walked out and met Dougie halfway in between my house and his flat. Flea greeted me happily, wagging his tail and jumping on me.
“Hey, buddy,” I greeted him back with a smile and a pat on his head as we started to head off.
It was almost 7.30 and the sun was already starting to make its way downward. The moon was visible in the horizon and I was suddenly very glad I came. It’s nice to just leave every once and awhile and just get some fresh air and enjoy our surroundings. We never really have time to just relax and enjoy the day when we’re at home. Okay... well I don’t because I’m too busy worrying about our next project. All the other guys seem to do fine.
We walked along the sidewalk, stopping every so often because of Flea. Dougie and I were silent for the most part, listening to the gentle rustling of the trees and the soft singing from the crickets. There’s so much music in nature, if we would only take the time to listen.
“Anything?” Dougie questioned as we continued to walk side-by-side.
I shook my head.
“Maybe you’re trying too hard. Maybe if you stopped worrying about it, something will come up,” he suggested.
I just glanced over at him and sighed. His eyes met mine and he threw me a half-hearted smile of encouragement. In that instant, I felt a spark flicker in me, something very minute but still noticeable.
A clearing was ahead of us, a small field. Dougie pulled out a red ball from his hoodie jacket, unhooked Flea’s leash and threw the ball. Flea darted quickly, his tongue happily hanging out of his mouth as he went to chase after it. We both stood and watched him as he searched for it in the distant, running and hoping over small hills of grass. Being a dog must be so simple, no worries about anything
“So,” I tried to start a conversation. “How are things with you and Louise?”
There was a beat of silence before Dougie answered. “We broke up,” he said quietly, keeping his eyes trained on Flea as he trotted back toward us, tail swaging behind him and looking valiant that he’d gotten the ball so quickly.
I couldn’t help my reaction. My head flicked over to stare at Dougie, surprised and shocked. He’d been with her for about seven months, last I had heard things were going well. It seemed like he hadn’t been that interested in a girl in awhile.
Flea dropped the ball at Dougie’s feet and padded his foot excitedly, waiting for his owner to throw it again. “Good boy!” Dougie cheerfully said, rubbing Flea’s head proudly. Picking the ball up again, Dougie threw it even further. “Don’t act so surprised,” he said as Flea jetted off again.
“But.... I thought you two-”
“I know,” he said, turning to look at me with his hands in his hoodie pocket. “I’m just a rubbish boyfriend. I get lazy. Sometimes I forget to call her and stuff. She had enough of it after months of practically being neglected, so she called and broke up with me. Over the fucking mobile.”
He didn’t look extremely upset, but I could tell he was masking it somewhat. If anything, he was sad. I hadn’t realized how quiet he had been the last couple of days. Hell, I hadn’t realized anything apparently. I didn’t even know they had broken up! That’s how obsessed I’d been with trying to write. Great, now I feel shitty. What a wonderful friend I am.
“I’m sorry, Dougie,” I said under my breath, not really knowing what else to say to make things better.
He shrugged and gave me another lopsided grin, making that spark suddenly burst again. “What are you sorry for? You didn’t do anything. Besides, I had it coming,” he plopped down on the grass, crossing his legs and leaning back on his hands. “I can’t seem to keep it together in a relationship. I think it’s a sign telling me I should just not be in any at all.”
Sitting down along with him, I frowned. When I was about to open my mouth to say something, I suddenly felt a slobbery wet tongue glide against my cheek and a wet round ball in my hand. “Ugh, gross, Flea!” I whined, wiping my arm against my face, feeling hot doggy breath pelt against my skin. Taking the ball, I threw it blindly just to get him away from me. I heard Dougie laugh next to me as I tried to wipe away remnants of dog slobber. “That was sick! You need to train your dog to keep his tongue in his mouth!” I snapped.
Rolling, Dougie fell sideways and caught himself with a propped elbow. “Aw, but he likes you! He was just kissing you was all,” he smiled.
That one smile made an explosion happen in the pit of my stomach, and suddenly, thousands of words started to form and flit across my mind. A melody started to sound and twirl, and then, in an instant, it was gone.
“What’s wrong?” Dougie’s smile dropped, looking worriedly at my frozen state.
Staring at him, I shook my head. “I... I had something, but then it went away,” I confessed. I tried desperately to search for the melody and lyrics again, probing and digging but finding nothing. It was just there, as loud as a blaring trumpet and as bright as day, flowing across my mind as quick as a shooting star.
What just happened?! I had it a second ago, damnit!
“Tom,” Dougie waved a hand in front of my face. “You okay? You look a bit confused or something.”
My eyes locked with his. Okay, so I do know what just happened, the feeling was nothing out of the ordinary. It was the unexpected roar of music that surprised me, but the butterflies and tingles I get when I’m around Dougie, I’m used to that. I have been used to it for years now; silly crush that I’d managed to push aside a long time ago. It could never amount to anything, so I just ignored it. You tell a lie loud enough and long enough, you start to believe it, right?
“I’m fine,” I answered him untruthfully.
What I especially didn’t understand, was why a simple smile from him made my world thunder into fluorescent lyrics, melodies, and dancing notes that I have been trying for weeks to hear and see. The inspiration and motivation that I’d been so desperate for all came from a smile. And yeah, that’s how it usually works when I get inspired or motivated by something, but never with that multitude or something so regular, something I see practically everyday from him.
Turning his attention back to Flea who had dropped the ball gleefully into his owner’s lap and sitting patiently, waiting for him to throw the ball again, Dougie petted his dog lovingly. “Go,” he said as he threw it, leaning back on his hands once more as he watched.
My mind wandered and went back to what Dougie had just confided in me not long ago and I cleared my throat and tried to calm myself down a bit from my state of befuddlement. “What you said about how you shouldn’t be in a relationship... that’s bollocks, Dougie. You know it.”
He moved shoulders with a sigh. “What’s the point if they all fail because of me? I didn’t break up with any of them, Tom. They all broke-up with me. That has to mean something.”
“It just means that she wasn’t right for you. When the right person comes along, things’ll be different,” I reasoned, picking at the grass and letting it tickle my hand.
He shook his head. “What if they aren’t? You didn’t hear me Tom... I said that I forget to call and check-in. That or I’m too lazy to call or leave the house to go spend time with them. Who does that, you know? I’m supposed to want to see and be with them.”
“You probably just don’t like her as much as you thought you did, then. If you liked someone enough, that wouldn’t happen. You’re not a bad person, Dougie. You’re the only one that came in to check on me and feed me, and force me to go take a walk, see? All very admirable boyfriend traits,” I said with a smile, proud that I used a good example.
He snorted. “That’s different. You’re different.”
I pulled some grass up from the ground and threw it aimlessly away from me, watching it fall lightly in the breeze. “How’s that different?”
He looked over at me again. “It’s you, Tom. You spend half the day worrying about us, looking after us, and then you spend the other half of the day worrying about music. You worry and look after us, but who worries and looks after you?”
My stomach somersaulted and my heart sped up a bit as I started to feel myself heat up and blush as his words. “I can take care of myself,” I murmured, almost inaudible. He made it sound like I’m so vulnerable when I’m not.
“Yeah, locking yourself up for hours on end while starving yourself is real smart,” he rolled his eyes.
I glared at him even though he did have a point. Writing is probably why I lost so much weight! It’s because of all the stress, worry, and frustration that I go through! All that energy drained my chubbiness away.
Looking away from me and up at the sky, he leaned back further, changing the subject back to him again. “I can’t seem to care about a girl the same way I care about you.”
It took me awhile to process his words. It seemed so vague that I wasn’t sure if he meant it to sound the way it did.... like he liked me or something. My stomach twisted and my eyes widened slightly as I continued to stare at him creepily, attempting to decode his meaning, my mind racing for a conclusion.
He laughed, almost talking to himself as he gazed upwards. “Why I’m telling you this now I don’t know,” he became quiet again, so calm and blunt about it that it threw me off.
Flea trotted over and dropped the ball by Dougie. After a few seconds of Dougie not responding, he got bored and trotted away, sniffing the ground.
I was still at a loss for words. I was trying to comprehend everything he had just said and everything he didn’t say. There were so many questions I wanted to ask him. He didn’t seem to be paying much attention to me as my fixed stare stayed on him, taking him in. He really is gorgeous in that slightly rugged and tainted kind of way. He’s the perfect mix of 2/3rds odd and awkward, half silly and charming, with a spoonful dumb, along with a tablespoon of intelligent and a dash of mystery. A rather unforgettable and hard-not-to-love personality.
“So,” I finally spoke after a long while. “What does that all mean?”
His eyes found mine with a captive power and he smiled, inducing my mind with music and words again. “What do you think it means?”
I squinted a bit trying to read him. He was smiling but his eyes reflected fear. “My interpretation of what it means could be completely different from what you’re actually trying to communicate. And if that’s the case and my interpretation of your meaning is wrong, then that would be a bit too embarrassing to face. So that’s why I’m asking you,” I consummated cleverly, giving nothing away.
“I highly doubt, what with everything we’ve been through together and seen of each other, that anything could be ‘too embarrassing to face’,” he responded, the amused grin still on his handsome face, eyes still shielded from showing the truth.
The lulling of the music and lyrics spun in my head like a merry-go-round and got a bit louder, but not enough to drown anything out or disrupt me of my pestering thoughts. It was almost annoying, like the buzzing sound of a fly by your ear. I remained silent however, and continued to hold his gaze.
He scratched his head, looking nervous and unsure now. “I meant...,” he blushed and paused a bit. “Can’t you read between the lines?” he asked, his voice cracking a bit.
My lips twitched. “Okay. Well... if I were to say ‘me too’ or ‘ditto’, would that make sense to everything you just told me?”
“Yes,” he whispered quietly, flushing and fidgeting uncomfortably.
Seeing how adorable he was, I started to get more confident, feeling millions of flutters tease my stomach. “So... if I were to move closer to you, would that freak you out?” I questioned, not moving yet.
After a minute, he shook his head, so I scooted closer to him, my pulse now racing and my head spinning at the reality of what could be.
“And if I, theoretically, were to ask you if I could ever kiss you... would you run?” and that question, I was unsure of. I was afraid as soon as the word ‘kiss’ left my mouth. Doubt crashed in and clouded my thoughts, sobering my mind of the promenading background verses and music. What if I had interpreted his meaning incorrectly? What if I had made a mistake and this ruined everything? I had ignored my feelings for him because of this very reason and I just let my defenses fall because I suddenly felt confident?
I started to panic and feel the comings of a heart attack when Dougie suddenly launched himself at me, making me topple over onto the grass from force and surprise. The next thing I knew, his deliciously soft lips, met mine. I sucked in a breath of shock, my eyes widened for a second as I slowly comprehended things. Dougie was kissing me. The silly crush I had on him for years was being reciprocated! Feeling lightheaded and dizzy, I closed my eyes and kissed him back, weaving my hands into his already tangled mess of blonde hair. It was rushed but fervent and so surreal. It made me want more, it made chills run down my spine and it made me shiver. Finally running out of oxygen, Dougie pulled away, heaving and smiling down at me, his hands resting on either side of my face tenderly.
“Tom,” he whispered, lowering his face towards mine just a bit, his mouth a mere breath away. “I can’t believe this is happening,” he chuckled, brushing his lips to mine fleetingly, making my heart jump.
Lifting my head up, I caught his addictive lips again for a quick kiss, pulling him down completely against me and feeling his warm, solid body on mine. But it was all over too quickly as Flea bounded over towards us, licking us both on our faces and tackling Dougie off of me playfully.
“Ugh,” I wiped my face of Flea’s slobber but still overwhelmed by what just happened. Still feeling the tingles on my lips and the warmth of his body on mine.
I heard Dougie’s laughter fill my ears as I sat up, finding him still on the ground with Flea attacking him with his wet kisses. I smiled and watched as Dougie shoved him away, bringing his shoulder up to wipe at his face.
Our eyes met and we smiled knowingly at one another, both obviously happy and still awestruck. What were the odds? I would have never guessed in a million years that something like this would ever happen between Dougie and I, it just didn’t seem probable. And now.... wow, I couldn’t wrap my head around it!
Finally getting up first, I dusted off my trousers and offered him a hand. Taking it, I pulled him up and we stood side-by-side, grinning stupidly at each other.
“Come here, Flea,” Dougie let go of my hand and put the leash back on his dog and tucked the red ball away in his pocket.
We started walking back again. The sun was now more than half-way down, making the sky a pretty pink and purplish color, showing off a small dust of stars. As we walked, I reached out and took his hand again, lacing my fingers through his. He looked up at me with that smile of his, and the same magic happened in my head. Flea looked back at us from time-to-time, annoyed of the slow pace we were going.
We weren’t in a rush. I’m not in a rush anymore because there’s a thousand lines about the way he smiles, written in my mind. And that’s enough to write an entire album