chemical bonds (SHINee; TaeKey, JongMinhOnew; PG-13; One-Shot)
chemical bonds
yumeyana
SHINee | taemin x key; minho x jonghyun x onew
PG-13 | drama, sap, romance
I'm willing to take that chance. Key knows love when he sees it but he knows it doesn't mean he has to hold it too close. Sometimes, he says, one has to let go first because he needs to be sure that his computations are correct. A couple story to Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally.
[crossposted over @ shinee_replay, taekey, jongyu, jongminho.]
Author's Notes: Honestly, this was not part of the plan. I have never even thought of writing the same story but in Key's POV. And it took me a longer time, too, because this one is a helluva lot longer than the first one. I hope you enjoy this as much as you enjoyed the first-and as much as I enjoyed writing it. ♥
Dedication: To Reeza, Bijae, Nikka, Rix: ilu. ♥ And to those who read the first one: here's to another TaeKey! :D
Disclaimers: None of the SHINee boys or any of the SM Entertainment artists mentioned below belong to me. The translation of the lyrics used below was done by kimchi hana of shineee(dot)net. Only the plot is mine.
chemical bonds
wherein key tries not to hold onto taemin
and minho tries not to love jonghyun and onew
because sometimes, even the strongest bonds break
valence bond theory
differences can't be blamed for attractions.
people have never been magnets to begin with.
He's still Kim Kibum when he first sees that not-so-little wonder kid. Perhaps he should be blaming Jonghyun for it because there isn't anyone else to blame (Minho just keeps smiling and adding the little information Jonghyun has missed). He has decided earlier on that what Jinki keeps calling the destiny unfolds episode of his life is nothing short of his best friend's manipulative schemes.
Lee Taemin.
Jonghyun introduces him in the bounciest way possible-He's only eleven, Kibum, and yet he dances sooooooo good! And he got in here before you did. Take that, mister-and manages to get Jinki and Minho involved in their little get-to-know-the-youngest-SM-recruit luncheon. The boy laughs softly and blushes at everything Jonghyun says (much like Minho, Kibum thinks). "If he's so great, hyung, why haven't we been introduced until now?" he asks because he has to.
Mister bouncy pants rolls his eyes at his best friend's obvious hostility at being left out of the secret. "Heechul hyung's been hiding him. You know how protective hyung can get," Jonghyun answers as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. Kibum just raises an eyebrow at the statement (steals a glance at Minho, who has been hanging around Heechul and his gang far longer than any one of them has, and waits for his approval; the tall one nods). Jonghyun's excitement has rubbed off on Jinki and soon the oldest of them is squishing Taemin's cheeks. "He looks a lot like Heechul hyung, doesn't he?" It's more of a fact rather than a theory Jinki's trying out, really.
"Heechul hyung says the same thing," Taemin says.
Kibum snorts. "Clone."
The atmosphere grows cold at his statement and it's almost as if Jinki's tried to pull off one of his jokes again. Taemin looks at him for the first time and it makes Kibum stop. If this had been a tennis match, he'd be attempting to save a service break courtesy of one Lee Taemin.
"Uniqueness is overrated, Kibum hyung."
The pause in the atmosphere doesn't disappear. From the corner of his eyes, he can see Minho regarding him with a very hard look (protective much, he wants to ask) but he pretends not to see it. This kid, Kibum thinks, is really something else-something different. Sure, they both seem to be feisty and Jonghyun has rambled on about how they should dance together some time; but other than that, Lee Taemin is on the other side of the court-playing an almost entirely different game.
But he still wants to play with the kid who's got a shuttle cock instead of a tennis ball.
"You're cute," Kibum says, unable to say anything else.
Taemin smiles.
And the whole world moves again.
4n + 2, n = 1
just so you know, rules aren't universal;
some are made their own along the way.
Kibum would very much want to think that it's all Minho's fault this time. The latter's protective streak towards Taemin has rubbed off on him and he has found himself constantly taking care of their magnae. Jonghyun teases him about being worse than Taemin's mom (to which Jinki follows up with a trot-sounding umma song he has never heard before) and he rolls his eyes. Lately, though, Jinki has stopped singing that song; in its place is Jonghyun's own composition. A love song, Jonghyun says when Kibum asks what it is; for you and Taemin.
He punches Jonghyun until his own hands ache from the retaliation.
"I love you, hyung."
His body goes rigid and for a while, the letters on the book he's been reading for the past hour or so disappears. It's supposed to be innocent and platonic, he thinks, but Taemin's voice is devoid of all characteristics that would put those four words in that section. Taemin means it; he means it in the way Kibum is afraid of.
He wants pull out the age card-You're just twelve, Taemin, how would you know what you're saying; this isn't love, not the love you think it is-but Taemin's voice, the seriousness in it, makes him bite his tongue. Taemin has never been just twelve; Kibum knows he's always been more than that. He doesn't want to insult Taemin by using age as an issue.
So he smiles and ruffles Taemin's hair. "You need to schedule a haircut, Taem. Your hair's gotten too long." He tries copying Jinki's smile-the kind of smile that makes your eyes disappear. He doesn't have the heart to deal with this right now.
Not when he doesn't even know how to deal with that love song looped in his head.
Taemin takes a deep breath. "Hyung-"
"I know, Taem," he says, cutting him. "I love you, too."
He can feel Taemin's trembling body but he tries to negate it by ruffling his hair again. Kibum knows what his magnae thinks; it's not the same love. It's not the same feeling. He risks looking at Taemin's face and he sees a longing smile on those lips. He lets his hand slowly fall from Taemin's hair, gently caressing his face. He needs to pull out the one card he has left.
"Umma's not lying, Taemin," he says.
Kibum doesn't sleep that night and the series of nights after that (stupid liar-liar rhyme gets stuck in his conscience). He knows Jinki has noticed those dark circles under his eyes and he is thankful that the older one hasn't said anything about it. Jonghyun watches him from the corner of his eyes, watches him even as he plays with a less than exuberant Taemin. It is Minho who traps him and asks him to give Taemin something, anything.
"Maybe you should do that yourself," Kibum says, trying to act nonchalant. "I'm sure Jonghyun hyung and Jinki hyung would want some answers, too. You leave us with too many questions, Minho." He's rambling now, something he does when he wants to get away from the spotlight. It's wrong of him to do this to Minho, of all people (he's Taemin's best friend; of course he'd be concerned!), but he's the only one around. He's the only one who has opted to talk to him about this.
Minho glares at him. "Kibum."
It's just his name but he knows there's more to that. He's been living with Minho for the past year and he prides himself in being one of the few who actually understand the lad. He sighs; it's not supposed to be like this at fourteen. Never at fourteen.
"Don't wear my name out, Choi."
It's complicated, he wants to say. But even that sounds hollow right now.
banana bonds
unlike animals, humans rarely go through with a direct attack;
we always try the other way and end up in more trouble than we were in.
It's just an act, he wants to tell them; it's nothing but his defense mechanism kicking in. Jonghyun, of course, doesn't suspect anything because they're best friends and it's but natural for them to joke about things like this. Yes, he thinks, even if it's about things that should never have been said.
The whole group is huddled around their small television-Jinki's on the floor, working on keeping track of their schedule; Jonghyun's sprawled next to him, eyes glued to the TV; Minho's sitting on one side of the couch, alternatively reading a book and watching the TV; Taemin's occupying most of the couch, head on top of Kibum's lap-watching their own show. It's the behind the scenes footage of one of their Yunhanam episodes, the one where Taemin wins the noona's heart.
"Stop working and watch, hyung," Jonghyun says, lightly poking Jinki with his foot.
Kibum kicks Jonghyun's leg. "Yah." (No footsies!)
Jonghyun turns to him, shifts and kicks Kibum in retaliation. "Yah, I didn't kick you!" he exclaims (This is not even close to a footsie, stupid.). "I know I'm your type and all but I still am your hyung, Kibum." It's meant as a joke, nothing but that, but Kibum sees Jinki look at him with hard eyes. He gulps, feeling Minho's eyes on him. What possessed him to say that in front of the camera is beyond him, really.
"Jonghyun hyung's your type?"
Kibum practically prays for death; Taemin's voice is ice cold and it's scarier than Jinki and Minho combined. Heck, it was even scarier than an angry Changmin (must be a magnae thing, he thinks). "Yeah," he says, steadying his voice. "His eyes are big; he has a perfect jawline. He's handsome-" He rambles on and on about Jonghyun's characteristics, most of them are actually Minho's own words, and tries to sound as if he's really into his best friend. Kibum tries to meet Jonghyun's eyes, tries to make him understand what this is really all about.
"Plus, there's no one else I'd rather be with than Jonghyun hyung." I have to lie.
The lead singer looks at him like he's grown another head and five more arms. What the fuck, Kibum. "I told you, Kibum: you'd better start saying something funny or I won't pick you." Kibum wants to hug his best friend and tell him how much this means to him but then he doesn't. He plays the game like how it should.
He steals a glance at Taemin. Like how it shouldn't.
"What was that all about?" Jinki asks the first opportunity he gets. Minho and Taemin are in school, while Jonghyun's ears are plugged with earphones. No one would hear this conversation, Kibum thinks; their leader has planned this well.
He continues washing the dishes. "What was what all about?"
"Don't you play dumb with me, Kim Kibum."
Wrong card, he thinks; he shouldn't have done that to Jinki. He shrugs, trying to act nonchalant. "I was trying to get Minho react, that's all." He glances at Jinki, hoping that their leader will just let it go at that. The latter, however, just stares at him and waits. Kibum sighs; fine, fine, fucking fine.
"Taemin confessed to me a few years back," he starts as he closes the tap and dries his hands. Jinki makes a small sound of acknowledgement; apparently, he knows. "And I actually answered by telling him his hair was getting long and that he should have it cut." He laughs a little but it sounds bitter, tastes bitter. "Sounds like something that would come out of me," Jinki says. He looks at the older one and punches his arm lightly; Jinki and his tendecy to make fun of himself.
"Why didn't you tell him, Kibum?" You're tearing him apart.
He sighs. "I can't, hyung."
Jinki looks at him, eyebrow raised. "Again, I dare ask why." Kibum wants to answer like a drama actor and say 그냥 (just because) but he doesn't want Jinki to walk out on him just like Taemin did. Yet, he thinks, that's the only reason he can give now. The only one he can give without forgetting that why he is doing this in the first place. Or why he isn't.
"Again, I dare say I can't, hyung." I'm tearing me apart.
NaCl
we pinpoint it by mistake (you, me, us)
and end up forgetting what it is we're really trying to say.
This is definitely Jinki's fault, Kibum thinks, because he's the leader and he should always be on top of things. (He tries not to snicker because the keyword here is things. Just things.) They are being asked a relatively safe question-So, girlfriends, the reporter says with a sly smile; I'm sure you've had them by now-and they have answered it colorfully. Jinki is made fun off yet again because he's thirty and so far, there have never been any rumors of him dating.
Of course, Kibum wants to say as he glances at Jonghyun and Minho; he would never even dream of dating anyone else. Kibum decides to help their leader out because Jonghyun calls him old and Jinki looks anything but that. So, he points out that Minho would probably get married first.
Which, of course, would only happen if Minho actually says how he feels.
The reporter catches on quite quickly and launches a full blown attack on Minho's supposed love life (because Minho just had to mention that he hasn't fallen in love-a showbiz answer if someone asks Kibum-and of course, Kibum just has to say that of course, he has). He settles back in his seat, leaving the rest of the job to the reporter.
"I want my partner for life to be someone like Key hyung."
Kibum almost jumps from his seat because Taemin's voice just appears out of nowhere. The rest of the group seem just as stunned; everyone stops speaking (their different expressions don't register at all) and all of them are just looking at Taemin.
But Taemin's eyes are only on him.
He could feel his heart stop, then feel it beat again. But it's so quick, so quick, that Kibum is afraid that his heart might just run away with the rest of him. Or that his heart would leave him behind. Whichever comes first.
Because at that particular moment, Kibum is sure that his heart is not his anymore.
"Me?" he asks because that's the only thing he can.
Taemin smiles and takes his hand (his heart ricochets). "Yes."
"I think something's wrong with me," he tells Jonghyun. His best friend smiles and puts an arm around him. The night is cold but Jonghyun has always managed to make it warm. The veranda is a good place, Kibum thinks, especially when it comes to things like these. "I think something's finally right with you," Jonghyun says softly.
"I don't think me forgetting how to breathe is something good."
Jonghyun laughs. "You'd be surprised just how good that feels like."
The wind blows stronger and Jonghyun tells them that it's probably best if they go back inside now-"It's two in the morning," he points out. "Jinki will get mad if we get sick." Kibum chuckles. "You drop the 'hyung' when you're at home, huh?"-but Kibum makes no move to acknowledge it. Instead, he places his head on Jonghyun's shoulder ("It's a good thing that you grew a little taller, BFF.") and sighs ("Shut up, drama queen.").
"Is it always like that?"
"What do you mean?"
"Do those things happen when you're with Jinki hyung?"
"Always," Jonghyun replies and Kibum can hear him smile. "Don't make him wait any longer, Kibum. Ten years is enough." Kibum sighs for what seems like the nth time that night and closes his eyes. He knows that they're old enough for this now, that Taemin isn't a kid anymore (he never really considered him a kid anyway). But-
"I don't know, hyung. I don't know."
dipoles
there are middle grounds and points where everything just hangs in the balance;
and places where they don't exist.
I love you.
He's been wanting to say it since forever but he bites his tongue down. Just like all those other times he's wanted to say that but never did. It's not something he can say now, not now. Kibum tries to muster all his strength-his self-control, his resolve-as he traps Taemin between him and the wall. He needs the proximity as much as he can't have it.
"Why would you want to spend your life with someone like me?"
Taemin smiles and his heart does that weird rhythm again. "Why wouldn't I, hyung?"
He looks away, trying to get his head back. He needs to reign his heart in; that's the least he can do. The distraction Jonghyun causes is a helpful one (Minho should start confessing, really; whatever, Kim Kibum) and it gives him time to breathe again-even if only for a second or two. Even with his eyes on the tallest (Minho is blushing because Jonghyun's got him trapped now; even the reprimanding tone Jinki uses is a little curious), he can feel the hope emanating from Taemin.
The hope he should be giving his (his, alwaysnever his) magnae.
Kibum turns back to him and takes a deep breath before Taemin takes all his oxygen away again. It's difficult now, more than ever, because Taemin is too close for comfort and too far for away for his heart. Jonghyun will call him numerous names later and will probably hate him for at least a month or so (depending on how Jinki will handle this later) but this is his decision. For him, this is the right thing to do.
"Fall in love."
Taemin blinks and Kibum almost takes it back. "What do you mean fall in love? I already-"
"I'm going to Paris. With Minho."
They are cowards, Minho tells him again and again for next few weeks and he doesn't say anything to make him shut up. Minho is right and he needs a constant reminder of his stupidity (the anger in Jonghyun's voice; the disappointment in Jinki's face; the tears in Taemin's eyes) because his own voice is not enough to cover it. He should've eaten his words right then and there, should've just said that it's all a joke-he's going to stay with Taemin forever-but instead, he looks away and says goodbye.
"He hasn't called," Minho says in the middle of their third week in Paris.
Kibum looks up from his books and lowers his eyeglasses. "Which?"
"Jonghyun hyung and Jinki hyung."
He sighs (he wants to say that he does not mean they but he'll let it slide), slowly walking up to Minho. He's been like this since they came-staring out the window for hours and hours, glancing at his mobile phone or at their landline once in a while-and it has gotten worse as his birthday draws near. He puts his arms around Minho, holding him tight. He wants to protect the younger one from all this stupidity, this try at doing something right. Because as far as Kibum can see, this isn't anywhere near that.
"I'm sorry," he says because it's the only thing he can say.
Minho doesn't ask why, doesn't say anything but Kibum knows that there's a question hanging in the air. "If I didn't go with you-if I didn't ask our manager to put us in the same company, in the same country-then maybe Jonghyun hyung and Jinki hyung might've been there at the airport to send you off." He pauses, feeling Minho's tears. He pulls him closer, burying his nose on Minho's hair-trying to say things he can't voice out. If I told Taemin I loved him, this wouldn't be happening right now.
"I never blamed you, Kibum," comes Minho's shaky voice. "It was my stupid decision, too. I didn't have enough courage to face my feelings and just tell the hyung deul how much I really love them." Minho's grip tightens and Kibum almost wants to reach for his phone and tell Jonghyun and Jinki that it's his fault, not Minho's so could you please call this man now? He loves you so much, dammit.
"Yah, maybe they'll call. You know Jinki hyung; he might be in the process of-"
Kibum holds his breath; he wants to ask Minho if he has heard it, too, but he needs things to be quiet because he needs to hear it again. They wait (Minho holds his breath, his heart) and Kibum swears he can hear the ants crawling down the window sill. And then suddenly, it plays again.
안돼요 안돼요 그렇게 가지마요
제발 한 번만 한 번만 날 다시 안아줘요。
You can't, you can't, don't leave like this
Please just one more time, one more time, hold me in your arms again.
delocalization
making sense of distances is like asking how many points are allowed on a straight line;
-always more than there should've been.
The next five years breeze by like it has never happened even though it most definitely has. Kibum shakes his head; his life has been a string of paradoxes, Minho has been known to say more than once. He keeps track of everything, though; he knows exactly what day, what time, and in which music show Taemin debuted as a solo artist. He can tell you the release date of each single, digital single, and album. He knows the number of awards Taemin has received, when it happened-
-and how Taemin tries not to cry in every occasion.
It's funny, Kibum thinks, because once upon a time, he remembers making a bet with Jonghyun that one day, Taemin will find enough tears to cry. Maybe, Minho tells him when he shares the memory with the other model, it's because Taemin's alone now. It's that statement that almost makes him buy the first ticket back to Korea.
But, like all those other times, he doesn't.
"He always saves that for last, doesn't he?" Minho comments one night as they watch the video Kibum has downloaded. Taemin has won his third Golden Disk Daesang and he looks taller than ever before. There are shadows of what could be tears but his smile blocks it all the away.
"Saves what?" Kibum asks, eyes glued to his laptop's screen. "Thanking us," Minho replies. He offers his friend another slice of pizza; they've both agreed that they are too tired to make gourmet dinner. Kibum takes it, nodding. "He always refers us as SHINee member deul."
Never by name.
It goes unspoken but Minho hears it. The taller one puts an arm around him and pulls him close. "Jonghyun hyung and Jinki hyung refer to us by name," he says, trying to keep Kibum in the happy side of the fence. The latter lets himself smile; Minho always knows the right words to say at the appropriate time.
"Yeah. But they always say your name first."
Minho grins widely. "That's because they love me more."
It's their brand of friendly banter, one that Kibum has grown to love in the years he has spent with Minho. It makes up for the lack of Jonghyun's rowdiness, Jinki's stunts, and Taemin's unfailing love. He almost laughs; there have been numerous rumors about them because of this but they have always managed to make the public believe that they really are just very good friends.
"Do you think he's fallen in love yet?"
They watch the virtual Taemin sing his heart out with his award-winning carrier single, his gentle voice filling the room. He doesn't like voicing out his insecurities but Taemin is singing a love song and he wants to know if the magnae's heart has found someone else. After all, there have been rumors, too, and Taemin has never answered them directly.
"Nothing better, nothing better than you."
Kibum raises an eyebrow. "Singing Jonghyun hyung's favorite song?"
Minho's lips curve in a soft smile. "Reminding you of what Taem said before. He wants his life partner to be someone like you. In Taemin-speak-" ("Taemin-speak? Am I really rubbing off on you, Choi Minho?") "-it means he wants nobody but you, silly." Kibum pauses to look at Minho, at his now-best friend; in another world, time, or place, this would've been the point where one of them says now, why couldn't I have fallen in love with you instead? It would be close to perfect-a pivotal moment in any drama series.
But.
"Maybe you should've sung Nobody instead," he teases, doing the little dance step. He expects Minho to say something like no, never mind; I like the one Jonghyun hyung sang better but it doesn't come; instead, Minho ruffles his hair (his perfectly combed hair) and places a chaste kiss on his forehead.
"You really are an idiot."
They don't fall in love with each other-Kibum and Minho-and Kibum thinks of it as something to be proud of. Going to Paris is a risk in itself; going to the most romantic place of Earth with an equally romantic man is signing his death certificate. But sparks don't fly and their idiocy doesn't go up another notch by falling in love with each other.
After all, more a decade of it is enough to last a lifetime.
He hugs Minho tightly, promising to call once he arrives in Korea. The latter laughs lightly, telling him that he can wait for about a week before Kibum calls. Kibum punches his arm, laughter freely spilling from his lips. It's a first in years, he thinks; a first time he's felt good enough to laugh.
Minho tells him that they both found themselves in Paris, something that makes him roll his eyes. I didn't go to Paris to find myself, Minho, he says before giving the man a last kiss on the cheek-it will be quite sometime before they see each other again but they will (they will have to). The taller one tilts his head to the side, a silent follow question that he never really answers directly.
He just smiles and waves goodbye.
If I did, I would've stayed in Korea.
covalent
this is where they end; and this is where they start.
clichés, yes. but that's love.
He almost feels like he's in one of those chick flicks he's watched before. He counts the number of times he's gulped, the number of times he's checked if he looks good (smells good, sounds good); he's even checked if he's still breathing. Maybe he should've asked Minho to come to Korea with him. Minho would know how to calm him down because dammit, he needs to fucking calm down before Taemin decides to finally-
-open the door.
Kibum feels that familar weird rhythm his heart does whenever Taemin is around. He's supposed to say that hey, he's back to normal and how he missed this weirdness. He needs to say something now, not just watch Taemin and bask in awe at how his Taemin has grown. Say something witty, Minho has advised him when they talked about this before; just like how we used to do in Yunhanam.
"I tapped my shoes thrice."
It's a stupid reference to The Wizard of Oz but he has nothing else in his arsenal. He's forgotten whatever he has practiced with Minho, forgotten all those things he has sworn he would say. Taemin is staring at him like he's from outer space or something like that. He could actually guess what has rendered Taemin silent-neither of them has expected this. Minho had given Jonghyun and Jinki strict instructions not to tell the magnae until the time is right.
"Did you say there's no place like home?"
His eyes light up, lips curving in a smile. "I knew I forgot something."
It takes Taemin half a second to cross the widest distance they've ever had, throwing himself onto Kibum's open arms. The younger one is heavier than he remembers him to be but Kibum doesn't care, doesn't care at all. "Taemin," he breathes as his oxygen supply returns to normal. Taemin, Taemin, Taemin.
"I love you."
Taemin literally freezes and Kibum almost panics but he waits. He stays still, holding Taemin tightly but not enough so he can still move away if he wants to. It's going to be like a movie, Minho's voice keeps repeating in his mind; and you have to be an actor, not a fan who desperately just wants the movie to end.
"I have so many questions," Taemin says to his shoulder. "Two decades worth of it."
Kibum chuckles, holds him at arm's length. He needs to see Taemin's eyes, needs to see his face. Hearing his voice isn't enough anymore; having only that feels like this is still all an illusion. "Ask your heart away and I'll answer," he says and Taemin laughs, accusing him of spending too much time with Minho. Guilty as charged, Kibum replies-laughing. It feels like old times again, just like when they were still Taemin and Key of SHINee. Or even before that.
"Come on. Shoot the first question."
Taemin reaches out to slowly map his face. "Can I love you now?"
In The Booth with Tiffany gives off a different kind of atmosphere, Kibum thinks as he watches from the other side of the glass; perhaps, it's because they are only a few years apart or because they are closer to Tiffany than Isak, he doesn't know. Taemin confidently answers each question she asks, even playing with his noona's fan girly heart once in a while. She asks about Minho, about his sudden flight to Japan to be with Jonghyun and Jinki. He confirms it, saying little about the subject but enough to get that look from Tiffany. Kibum laughs softly; they will so be in hot water later.
His feels his phone vibrate and he silently slips out of the recording studio to answer it. "Minho," he says. "I can't talk right now." He hears Minho grunt. You're outside In The Booth? He says he is; Taemin has asked him to come with him. He hears Jonghyun and Jinki in the background, teasing Minho about confessing. "You'll need to come to Korea soon and explain something to Tiffany noona," he tells Minho, chuckling at his predicament. "And kiss those two already. They're asking for it."
I know. Minho chuckles. Tell Tiffany noona that we're visiting in a month or two. She'll get her answers then. Kibum knows Tiffany will demand an earlier visit but they all know that Jonghyun and Jinki are still busy promoting their fifth album. Plus, they're preparing another single-one that, if Kibum remembers it right-will feature Minho.
He says goodbye to Minho, promising him to relay the message. There are kissy sounds from the other line and he laughs again; how he misses his two hyung deul. They promise to call again when they're finished with business and it's Kibum's turn to say that he doesn't expect that call any time soon.
"Speaking of a love finally found, I remember watching an interview of you while you were still in SHINee," he hears Tiffany say the moment he goes back into the room. He watches her dramatically pause as if she's trying to remember what it is exactly. "You said that you want your life partner to be someone like Key. Does that still hold true?"
Taemin bites his lower lip and for a moment, Kibum is reminded of the twelve-year old Taemin who confessed his love to him. He had been fourteen then, afraid that telling the younger one that he feels the same would foil their possibility of debuting. It's a sacrifice he is willing to make, he remembers telling himself as he tells the twelve-year old Taemin that he needs to get a haircut.
But they are past that age now.
What they do now is up to them. They can freely love whoever they want to love; it doesn't really matter anymore. It has taken them more than two decades to get to this point but as Minho always says, it's worth it. A part of him still wishes he had been as brave as Jonghyun and Jinki, though; they had worked hard to balance their career and their love for each other. He shakes his head inwardly; now is not the time for regrets.
"I'd never settle for anything less."
Tiffany squeals in delight and Taemin laughs at her reaction. He holds Kibum's gaze throughout the whole conversation after that, though; never taking his eyes off of him. He gulps, feeling his eyes well up.
"I understand you're going to sing that song for us today."
"Yes," Taemin replies. "This will be the first time, actually."
"Really? Well, don't make us wait any longer. Here's Lee Taemin with Spring comes back."
Taemin moves to the other side of the studio and puts on the earphones. It's a ballad, a soft one. It's is very Yoochun, Kibum thinks; and he finds himself eagerly waiting for the song to start. He hasn't heard it, too; Taemin has requested it to be a secret so no one outside of the management knows about it. It's a surprise, his boyfriend (he giggles at the thought) tells him whenever he bugs him about it.
He finds Taemin looking at him again, holding his gaze. 사랑해 (I love you), Taemin mouths and he smiles. 나도 사랑해 (I love you, too), he whispers back. From the corner of his eyes, he sees Tiffany giggle like a high school girl as she forms a heart with her arms. He watches Taemin close his eyes-taking a deep breath-before opening them again and finding his own.
"Can I love you now?"
"Until forever, Taemin."
xxx
o9o7o7 | 152oH
5466 words
yumeyana
SHINee | taemin x key; minho x jonghyun x onew
PG-13 | drama, sap, romance
I'm willing to take that chance. Key knows love when he sees it but he knows it doesn't mean he has to hold it too close. Sometimes, he says, one has to let go first because he needs to be sure that his computations are correct. A couple story to Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally.
[crossposted over @ shinee_replay, taekey, jongyu, jongminho.]
Author's Notes: Honestly, this was not part of the plan. I have never even thought of writing the same story but in Key's POV. And it took me a longer time, too, because this one is a helluva lot longer than the first one. I hope you enjoy this as much as you enjoyed the first-and as much as I enjoyed writing it. ♥
Dedication: To Reeza, Bijae, Nikka, Rix: ilu. ♥ And to those who read the first one: here's to another TaeKey! :D
Disclaimers: None of the SHINee boys or any of the SM Entertainment artists mentioned below belong to me. The translation of the lyrics used below was done by kimchi hana of shineee(dot)net. Only the plot is mine.
chemical bonds
wherein key tries not to hold onto taemin
and minho tries not to love jonghyun and onew
because sometimes, even the strongest bonds break
valence bond theory
differences can't be blamed for attractions.
people have never been magnets to begin with.
He's still Kim Kibum when he first sees that not-so-little wonder kid. Perhaps he should be blaming Jonghyun for it because there isn't anyone else to blame (Minho just keeps smiling and adding the little information Jonghyun has missed). He has decided earlier on that what Jinki keeps calling the destiny unfolds episode of his life is nothing short of his best friend's manipulative schemes.
Lee Taemin.
Jonghyun introduces him in the bounciest way possible-He's only eleven, Kibum, and yet he dances sooooooo good! And he got in here before you did. Take that, mister-and manages to get Jinki and Minho involved in their little get-to-know-the-youngest-SM-recruit luncheon. The boy laughs softly and blushes at everything Jonghyun says (much like Minho, Kibum thinks). "If he's so great, hyung, why haven't we been introduced until now?" he asks because he has to.
Mister bouncy pants rolls his eyes at his best friend's obvious hostility at being left out of the secret. "Heechul hyung's been hiding him. You know how protective hyung can get," Jonghyun answers as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. Kibum just raises an eyebrow at the statement (steals a glance at Minho, who has been hanging around Heechul and his gang far longer than any one of them has, and waits for his approval; the tall one nods). Jonghyun's excitement has rubbed off on Jinki and soon the oldest of them is squishing Taemin's cheeks. "He looks a lot like Heechul hyung, doesn't he?" It's more of a fact rather than a theory Jinki's trying out, really.
"Heechul hyung says the same thing," Taemin says.
Kibum snorts. "Clone."
The atmosphere grows cold at his statement and it's almost as if Jinki's tried to pull off one of his jokes again. Taemin looks at him for the first time and it makes Kibum stop. If this had been a tennis match, he'd be attempting to save a service break courtesy of one Lee Taemin.
"Uniqueness is overrated, Kibum hyung."
The pause in the atmosphere doesn't disappear. From the corner of his eyes, he can see Minho regarding him with a very hard look (protective much, he wants to ask) but he pretends not to see it. This kid, Kibum thinks, is really something else-something different. Sure, they both seem to be feisty and Jonghyun has rambled on about how they should dance together some time; but other than that, Lee Taemin is on the other side of the court-playing an almost entirely different game.
But he still wants to play with the kid who's got a shuttle cock instead of a tennis ball.
"You're cute," Kibum says, unable to say anything else.
Taemin smiles.
And the whole world moves again.
4n + 2, n = 1
just so you know, rules aren't universal;
some are made their own along the way.
Kibum would very much want to think that it's all Minho's fault this time. The latter's protective streak towards Taemin has rubbed off on him and he has found himself constantly taking care of their magnae. Jonghyun teases him about being worse than Taemin's mom (to which Jinki follows up with a trot-sounding umma song he has never heard before) and he rolls his eyes. Lately, though, Jinki has stopped singing that song; in its place is Jonghyun's own composition. A love song, Jonghyun says when Kibum asks what it is; for you and Taemin.
He punches Jonghyun until his own hands ache from the retaliation.
"I love you, hyung."
His body goes rigid and for a while, the letters on the book he's been reading for the past hour or so disappears. It's supposed to be innocent and platonic, he thinks, but Taemin's voice is devoid of all characteristics that would put those four words in that section. Taemin means it; he means it in the way Kibum is afraid of.
He wants pull out the age card-You're just twelve, Taemin, how would you know what you're saying; this isn't love, not the love you think it is-but Taemin's voice, the seriousness in it, makes him bite his tongue. Taemin has never been just twelve; Kibum knows he's always been more than that. He doesn't want to insult Taemin by using age as an issue.
So he smiles and ruffles Taemin's hair. "You need to schedule a haircut, Taem. Your hair's gotten too long." He tries copying Jinki's smile-the kind of smile that makes your eyes disappear. He doesn't have the heart to deal with this right now.
Not when he doesn't even know how to deal with that love song looped in his head.
Taemin takes a deep breath. "Hyung-"
"I know, Taem," he says, cutting him. "I love you, too."
He can feel Taemin's trembling body but he tries to negate it by ruffling his hair again. Kibum knows what his magnae thinks; it's not the same love. It's not the same feeling. He risks looking at Taemin's face and he sees a longing smile on those lips. He lets his hand slowly fall from Taemin's hair, gently caressing his face. He needs to pull out the one card he has left.
"Umma's not lying, Taemin," he says.
Kibum doesn't sleep that night and the series of nights after that (stupid liar-liar rhyme gets stuck in his conscience). He knows Jinki has noticed those dark circles under his eyes and he is thankful that the older one hasn't said anything about it. Jonghyun watches him from the corner of his eyes, watches him even as he plays with a less than exuberant Taemin. It is Minho who traps him and asks him to give Taemin something, anything.
"Maybe you should do that yourself," Kibum says, trying to act nonchalant. "I'm sure Jonghyun hyung and Jinki hyung would want some answers, too. You leave us with too many questions, Minho." He's rambling now, something he does when he wants to get away from the spotlight. It's wrong of him to do this to Minho, of all people (he's Taemin's best friend; of course he'd be concerned!), but he's the only one around. He's the only one who has opted to talk to him about this.
Minho glares at him. "Kibum."
It's just his name but he knows there's more to that. He's been living with Minho for the past year and he prides himself in being one of the few who actually understand the lad. He sighs; it's not supposed to be like this at fourteen. Never at fourteen.
"Don't wear my name out, Choi."
It's complicated, he wants to say. But even that sounds hollow right now.
banana bonds
unlike animals, humans rarely go through with a direct attack;
we always try the other way and end up in more trouble than we were in.
It's just an act, he wants to tell them; it's nothing but his defense mechanism kicking in. Jonghyun, of course, doesn't suspect anything because they're best friends and it's but natural for them to joke about things like this. Yes, he thinks, even if it's about things that should never have been said.
The whole group is huddled around their small television-Jinki's on the floor, working on keeping track of their schedule; Jonghyun's sprawled next to him, eyes glued to the TV; Minho's sitting on one side of the couch, alternatively reading a book and watching the TV; Taemin's occupying most of the couch, head on top of Kibum's lap-watching their own show. It's the behind the scenes footage of one of their Yunhanam episodes, the one where Taemin wins the noona's heart.
"Stop working and watch, hyung," Jonghyun says, lightly poking Jinki with his foot.
Kibum kicks Jonghyun's leg. "Yah." (No footsies!)
Jonghyun turns to him, shifts and kicks Kibum in retaliation. "Yah, I didn't kick you!" he exclaims (This is not even close to a footsie, stupid.). "I know I'm your type and all but I still am your hyung, Kibum." It's meant as a joke, nothing but that, but Kibum sees Jinki look at him with hard eyes. He gulps, feeling Minho's eyes on him. What possessed him to say that in front of the camera is beyond him, really.
"Jonghyun hyung's your type?"
Kibum practically prays for death; Taemin's voice is ice cold and it's scarier than Jinki and Minho combined. Heck, it was even scarier than an angry Changmin (must be a magnae thing, he thinks). "Yeah," he says, steadying his voice. "His eyes are big; he has a perfect jawline. He's handsome-" He rambles on and on about Jonghyun's characteristics, most of them are actually Minho's own words, and tries to sound as if he's really into his best friend. Kibum tries to meet Jonghyun's eyes, tries to make him understand what this is really all about.
"Plus, there's no one else I'd rather be with than Jonghyun hyung." I have to lie.
The lead singer looks at him like he's grown another head and five more arms. What the fuck, Kibum. "I told you, Kibum: you'd better start saying something funny or I won't pick you." Kibum wants to hug his best friend and tell him how much this means to him but then he doesn't. He plays the game like how it should.
He steals a glance at Taemin. Like how it shouldn't.
"What was that all about?" Jinki asks the first opportunity he gets. Minho and Taemin are in school, while Jonghyun's ears are plugged with earphones. No one would hear this conversation, Kibum thinks; their leader has planned this well.
He continues washing the dishes. "What was what all about?"
"Don't you play dumb with me, Kim Kibum."
Wrong card, he thinks; he shouldn't have done that to Jinki. He shrugs, trying to act nonchalant. "I was trying to get Minho react, that's all." He glances at Jinki, hoping that their leader will just let it go at that. The latter, however, just stares at him and waits. Kibum sighs; fine, fine, fucking fine.
"Taemin confessed to me a few years back," he starts as he closes the tap and dries his hands. Jinki makes a small sound of acknowledgement; apparently, he knows. "And I actually answered by telling him his hair was getting long and that he should have it cut." He laughs a little but it sounds bitter, tastes bitter. "Sounds like something that would come out of me," Jinki says. He looks at the older one and punches his arm lightly; Jinki and his tendecy to make fun of himself.
"Why didn't you tell him, Kibum?" You're tearing him apart.
He sighs. "I can't, hyung."
Jinki looks at him, eyebrow raised. "Again, I dare ask why." Kibum wants to answer like a drama actor and say 그냥 (just because) but he doesn't want Jinki to walk out on him just like Taemin did. Yet, he thinks, that's the only reason he can give now. The only one he can give without forgetting that why he is doing this in the first place. Or why he isn't.
"Again, I dare say I can't, hyung." I'm tearing me apart.
NaCl
we pinpoint it by mistake (you, me, us)
and end up forgetting what it is we're really trying to say.
This is definitely Jinki's fault, Kibum thinks, because he's the leader and he should always be on top of things. (He tries not to snicker because the keyword here is things. Just things.) They are being asked a relatively safe question-So, girlfriends, the reporter says with a sly smile; I'm sure you've had them by now-and they have answered it colorfully. Jinki is made fun off yet again because he's thirty and so far, there have never been any rumors of him dating.
Of course, Kibum wants to say as he glances at Jonghyun and Minho; he would never even dream of dating anyone else. Kibum decides to help their leader out because Jonghyun calls him old and Jinki looks anything but that. So, he points out that Minho would probably get married first.
Which, of course, would only happen if Minho actually says how he feels.
The reporter catches on quite quickly and launches a full blown attack on Minho's supposed love life (because Minho just had to mention that he hasn't fallen in love-a showbiz answer if someone asks Kibum-and of course, Kibum just has to say that of course, he has). He settles back in his seat, leaving the rest of the job to the reporter.
"I want my partner for life to be someone like Key hyung."
Kibum almost jumps from his seat because Taemin's voice just appears out of nowhere. The rest of the group seem just as stunned; everyone stops speaking (their different expressions don't register at all) and all of them are just looking at Taemin.
But Taemin's eyes are only on him.
He could feel his heart stop, then feel it beat again. But it's so quick, so quick, that Kibum is afraid that his heart might just run away with the rest of him. Or that his heart would leave him behind. Whichever comes first.
Because at that particular moment, Kibum is sure that his heart is not his anymore.
"Me?" he asks because that's the only thing he can.
Taemin smiles and takes his hand (his heart ricochets). "Yes."
"I think something's wrong with me," he tells Jonghyun. His best friend smiles and puts an arm around him. The night is cold but Jonghyun has always managed to make it warm. The veranda is a good place, Kibum thinks, especially when it comes to things like these. "I think something's finally right with you," Jonghyun says softly.
"I don't think me forgetting how to breathe is something good."
Jonghyun laughs. "You'd be surprised just how good that feels like."
The wind blows stronger and Jonghyun tells them that it's probably best if they go back inside now-"It's two in the morning," he points out. "Jinki will get mad if we get sick." Kibum chuckles. "You drop the 'hyung' when you're at home, huh?"-but Kibum makes no move to acknowledge it. Instead, he places his head on Jonghyun's shoulder ("It's a good thing that you grew a little taller, BFF.") and sighs ("Shut up, drama queen.").
"Is it always like that?"
"What do you mean?"
"Do those things happen when you're with Jinki hyung?"
"Always," Jonghyun replies and Kibum can hear him smile. "Don't make him wait any longer, Kibum. Ten years is enough." Kibum sighs for what seems like the nth time that night and closes his eyes. He knows that they're old enough for this now, that Taemin isn't a kid anymore (he never really considered him a kid anyway). But-
"I don't know, hyung. I don't know."
dipoles
there are middle grounds and points where everything just hangs in the balance;
and places where they don't exist.
I love you.
He's been wanting to say it since forever but he bites his tongue down. Just like all those other times he's wanted to say that but never did. It's not something he can say now, not now. Kibum tries to muster all his strength-his self-control, his resolve-as he traps Taemin between him and the wall. He needs the proximity as much as he can't have it.
"Why would you want to spend your life with someone like me?"
Taemin smiles and his heart does that weird rhythm again. "Why wouldn't I, hyung?"
He looks away, trying to get his head back. He needs to reign his heart in; that's the least he can do. The distraction Jonghyun causes is a helpful one (Minho should start confessing, really; whatever, Kim Kibum) and it gives him time to breathe again-even if only for a second or two. Even with his eyes on the tallest (Minho is blushing because Jonghyun's got him trapped now; even the reprimanding tone Jinki uses is a little curious), he can feel the hope emanating from Taemin.
The hope he should be giving his (his, alwaysnever his) magnae.
Kibum turns back to him and takes a deep breath before Taemin takes all his oxygen away again. It's difficult now, more than ever, because Taemin is too close for comfort and too far for away for his heart. Jonghyun will call him numerous names later and will probably hate him for at least a month or so (depending on how Jinki will handle this later) but this is his decision. For him, this is the right thing to do.
"Fall in love."
Taemin blinks and Kibum almost takes it back. "What do you mean fall in love? I already-"
"I'm going to Paris. With Minho."
They are cowards, Minho tells him again and again for next few weeks and he doesn't say anything to make him shut up. Minho is right and he needs a constant reminder of his stupidity (the anger in Jonghyun's voice; the disappointment in Jinki's face; the tears in Taemin's eyes) because his own voice is not enough to cover it. He should've eaten his words right then and there, should've just said that it's all a joke-he's going to stay with Taemin forever-but instead, he looks away and says goodbye.
"He hasn't called," Minho says in the middle of their third week in Paris.
Kibum looks up from his books and lowers his eyeglasses. "Which?"
"Jonghyun hyung and Jinki hyung."
He sighs (he wants to say that he does not mean they but he'll let it slide), slowly walking up to Minho. He's been like this since they came-staring out the window for hours and hours, glancing at his mobile phone or at their landline once in a while-and it has gotten worse as his birthday draws near. He puts his arms around Minho, holding him tight. He wants to protect the younger one from all this stupidity, this try at doing something right. Because as far as Kibum can see, this isn't anywhere near that.
"I'm sorry," he says because it's the only thing he can say.
Minho doesn't ask why, doesn't say anything but Kibum knows that there's a question hanging in the air. "If I didn't go with you-if I didn't ask our manager to put us in the same company, in the same country-then maybe Jonghyun hyung and Jinki hyung might've been there at the airport to send you off." He pauses, feeling Minho's tears. He pulls him closer, burying his nose on Minho's hair-trying to say things he can't voice out. If I told Taemin I loved him, this wouldn't be happening right now.
"I never blamed you, Kibum," comes Minho's shaky voice. "It was my stupid decision, too. I didn't have enough courage to face my feelings and just tell the hyung deul how much I really love them." Minho's grip tightens and Kibum almost wants to reach for his phone and tell Jonghyun and Jinki that it's his fault, not Minho's so could you please call this man now? He loves you so much, dammit.
"Yah, maybe they'll call. You know Jinki hyung; he might be in the process of-"
Kibum holds his breath; he wants to ask Minho if he has heard it, too, but he needs things to be quiet because he needs to hear it again. They wait (Minho holds his breath, his heart) and Kibum swears he can hear the ants crawling down the window sill. And then suddenly, it plays again.
안돼요 안돼요 그렇게 가지마요
제발 한 번만 한 번만 날 다시 안아줘요。
You can't, you can't, don't leave like this
Please just one more time, one more time, hold me in your arms again.
delocalization
making sense of distances is like asking how many points are allowed on a straight line;
-always more than there should've been.
The next five years breeze by like it has never happened even though it most definitely has. Kibum shakes his head; his life has been a string of paradoxes, Minho has been known to say more than once. He keeps track of everything, though; he knows exactly what day, what time, and in which music show Taemin debuted as a solo artist. He can tell you the release date of each single, digital single, and album. He knows the number of awards Taemin has received, when it happened-
-and how Taemin tries not to cry in every occasion.
It's funny, Kibum thinks, because once upon a time, he remembers making a bet with Jonghyun that one day, Taemin will find enough tears to cry. Maybe, Minho tells him when he shares the memory with the other model, it's because Taemin's alone now. It's that statement that almost makes him buy the first ticket back to Korea.
But, like all those other times, he doesn't.
"He always saves that for last, doesn't he?" Minho comments one night as they watch the video Kibum has downloaded. Taemin has won his third Golden Disk Daesang and he looks taller than ever before. There are shadows of what could be tears but his smile blocks it all the away.
"Saves what?" Kibum asks, eyes glued to his laptop's screen. "Thanking us," Minho replies. He offers his friend another slice of pizza; they've both agreed that they are too tired to make gourmet dinner. Kibum takes it, nodding. "He always refers us as SHINee member deul."
Never by name.
It goes unspoken but Minho hears it. The taller one puts an arm around him and pulls him close. "Jonghyun hyung and Jinki hyung refer to us by name," he says, trying to keep Kibum in the happy side of the fence. The latter lets himself smile; Minho always knows the right words to say at the appropriate time.
"Yeah. But they always say your name first."
Minho grins widely. "That's because they love me more."
It's their brand of friendly banter, one that Kibum has grown to love in the years he has spent with Minho. It makes up for the lack of Jonghyun's rowdiness, Jinki's stunts, and Taemin's unfailing love. He almost laughs; there have been numerous rumors about them because of this but they have always managed to make the public believe that they really are just very good friends.
"Do you think he's fallen in love yet?"
They watch the virtual Taemin sing his heart out with his award-winning carrier single, his gentle voice filling the room. He doesn't like voicing out his insecurities but Taemin is singing a love song and he wants to know if the magnae's heart has found someone else. After all, there have been rumors, too, and Taemin has never answered them directly.
"Nothing better, nothing better than you."
Kibum raises an eyebrow. "Singing Jonghyun hyung's favorite song?"
Minho's lips curve in a soft smile. "Reminding you of what Taem said before. He wants his life partner to be someone like you. In Taemin-speak-" ("Taemin-speak? Am I really rubbing off on you, Choi Minho?") "-it means he wants nobody but you, silly." Kibum pauses to look at Minho, at his now-best friend; in another world, time, or place, this would've been the point where one of them says now, why couldn't I have fallen in love with you instead? It would be close to perfect-a pivotal moment in any drama series.
But.
"Maybe you should've sung Nobody instead," he teases, doing the little dance step. He expects Minho to say something like no, never mind; I like the one Jonghyun hyung sang better but it doesn't come; instead, Minho ruffles his hair (his perfectly combed hair) and places a chaste kiss on his forehead.
"You really are an idiot."
They don't fall in love with each other-Kibum and Minho-and Kibum thinks of it as something to be proud of. Going to Paris is a risk in itself; going to the most romantic place of Earth with an equally romantic man is signing his death certificate. But sparks don't fly and their idiocy doesn't go up another notch by falling in love with each other.
After all, more a decade of it is enough to last a lifetime.
He hugs Minho tightly, promising to call once he arrives in Korea. The latter laughs lightly, telling him that he can wait for about a week before Kibum calls. Kibum punches his arm, laughter freely spilling from his lips. It's a first in years, he thinks; a first time he's felt good enough to laugh.
Minho tells him that they both found themselves in Paris, something that makes him roll his eyes. I didn't go to Paris to find myself, Minho, he says before giving the man a last kiss on the cheek-it will be quite sometime before they see each other again but they will (they will have to). The taller one tilts his head to the side, a silent follow question that he never really answers directly.
He just smiles and waves goodbye.
If I did, I would've stayed in Korea.
covalent
this is where they end; and this is where they start.
clichés, yes. but that's love.
He almost feels like he's in one of those chick flicks he's watched before. He counts the number of times he's gulped, the number of times he's checked if he looks good (smells good, sounds good); he's even checked if he's still breathing. Maybe he should've asked Minho to come to Korea with him. Minho would know how to calm him down because dammit, he needs to fucking calm down before Taemin decides to finally-
-open the door.
Kibum feels that familar weird rhythm his heart does whenever Taemin is around. He's supposed to say that hey, he's back to normal and how he missed this weirdness. He needs to say something now, not just watch Taemin and bask in awe at how his Taemin has grown. Say something witty, Minho has advised him when they talked about this before; just like how we used to do in Yunhanam.
"I tapped my shoes thrice."
It's a stupid reference to The Wizard of Oz but he has nothing else in his arsenal. He's forgotten whatever he has practiced with Minho, forgotten all those things he has sworn he would say. Taemin is staring at him like he's from outer space or something like that. He could actually guess what has rendered Taemin silent-neither of them has expected this. Minho had given Jonghyun and Jinki strict instructions not to tell the magnae until the time is right.
"Did you say there's no place like home?"
His eyes light up, lips curving in a smile. "I knew I forgot something."
It takes Taemin half a second to cross the widest distance they've ever had, throwing himself onto Kibum's open arms. The younger one is heavier than he remembers him to be but Kibum doesn't care, doesn't care at all. "Taemin," he breathes as his oxygen supply returns to normal. Taemin, Taemin, Taemin.
"I love you."
Taemin literally freezes and Kibum almost panics but he waits. He stays still, holding Taemin tightly but not enough so he can still move away if he wants to. It's going to be like a movie, Minho's voice keeps repeating in his mind; and you have to be an actor, not a fan who desperately just wants the movie to end.
"I have so many questions," Taemin says to his shoulder. "Two decades worth of it."
Kibum chuckles, holds him at arm's length. He needs to see Taemin's eyes, needs to see his face. Hearing his voice isn't enough anymore; having only that feels like this is still all an illusion. "Ask your heart away and I'll answer," he says and Taemin laughs, accusing him of spending too much time with Minho. Guilty as charged, Kibum replies-laughing. It feels like old times again, just like when they were still Taemin and Key of SHINee. Or even before that.
"Come on. Shoot the first question."
Taemin reaches out to slowly map his face. "Can I love you now?"
In The Booth with Tiffany gives off a different kind of atmosphere, Kibum thinks as he watches from the other side of the glass; perhaps, it's because they are only a few years apart or because they are closer to Tiffany than Isak, he doesn't know. Taemin confidently answers each question she asks, even playing with his noona's fan girly heart once in a while. She asks about Minho, about his sudden flight to Japan to be with Jonghyun and Jinki. He confirms it, saying little about the subject but enough to get that look from Tiffany. Kibum laughs softly; they will so be in hot water later.
His feels his phone vibrate and he silently slips out of the recording studio to answer it. "Minho," he says. "I can't talk right now." He hears Minho grunt. You're outside In The Booth? He says he is; Taemin has asked him to come with him. He hears Jonghyun and Jinki in the background, teasing Minho about confessing. "You'll need to come to Korea soon and explain something to Tiffany noona," he tells Minho, chuckling at his predicament. "And kiss those two already. They're asking for it."
I know. Minho chuckles. Tell Tiffany noona that we're visiting in a month or two. She'll get her answers then. Kibum knows Tiffany will demand an earlier visit but they all know that Jonghyun and Jinki are still busy promoting their fifth album. Plus, they're preparing another single-one that, if Kibum remembers it right-will feature Minho.
He says goodbye to Minho, promising him to relay the message. There are kissy sounds from the other line and he laughs again; how he misses his two hyung deul. They promise to call again when they're finished with business and it's Kibum's turn to say that he doesn't expect that call any time soon.
"Speaking of a love finally found, I remember watching an interview of you while you were still in SHINee," he hears Tiffany say the moment he goes back into the room. He watches her dramatically pause as if she's trying to remember what it is exactly. "You said that you want your life partner to be someone like Key. Does that still hold true?"
Taemin bites his lower lip and for a moment, Kibum is reminded of the twelve-year old Taemin who confessed his love to him. He had been fourteen then, afraid that telling the younger one that he feels the same would foil their possibility of debuting. It's a sacrifice he is willing to make, he remembers telling himself as he tells the twelve-year old Taemin that he needs to get a haircut.
But they are past that age now.
What they do now is up to them. They can freely love whoever they want to love; it doesn't really matter anymore. It has taken them more than two decades to get to this point but as Minho always says, it's worth it. A part of him still wishes he had been as brave as Jonghyun and Jinki, though; they had worked hard to balance their career and their love for each other. He shakes his head inwardly; now is not the time for regrets.
"I'd never settle for anything less."
Tiffany squeals in delight and Taemin laughs at her reaction. He holds Kibum's gaze throughout the whole conversation after that, though; never taking his eyes off of him. He gulps, feeling his eyes well up.
"I understand you're going to sing that song for us today."
"Yes," Taemin replies. "This will be the first time, actually."
"Really? Well, don't make us wait any longer. Here's Lee Taemin with Spring comes back."
Taemin moves to the other side of the studio and puts on the earphones. It's a ballad, a soft one. It's is very Yoochun, Kibum thinks; and he finds himself eagerly waiting for the song to start. He hasn't heard it, too; Taemin has requested it to be a secret so no one outside of the management knows about it. It's a surprise, his boyfriend (he giggles at the thought) tells him whenever he bugs him about it.
He finds Taemin looking at him again, holding his gaze. 사랑해 (I love you), Taemin mouths and he smiles. 나도 사랑해 (I love you, too), he whispers back. From the corner of his eyes, he sees Tiffany giggle like a high school girl as she forms a heart with her arms. He watches Taemin close his eyes-taking a deep breath-before opening them again and finding his own.
"Can I love you now?"
"Until forever, Taemin."
xxx
o9o7o7 | 152oH
5466 words