happiness and dreams.
a number of key events have occurred, the most important of which being a change of mind. i have made the conscious choice to let go of my identity. not to say, lose individuality, but simply to stop fearing a loss of self. my chemical addiction to specific peptides, that is to say, my long-term relationship with depression, had become my identity, which i indulged and eagerly fed to maintain. It was consciously welcomed, but it became who i was and some deep, hidden lust for immortality wanted to preserve that. and after so much of the same chemicals released while experiencing said condition, my body began to anticipate and crave, my mind develop reasons to pump them out.
I cannot stress the power of positive thought and intention, nor can i press the point of how ineffably pleased i am that i stumbled upon this route and avoided others. my mind has never been more at ease or open to new emotions and activities. i cannot live staticly. i know all my patterns; i've always kept a journal, only now i can let go of them. i'm so happy, there's so much potential in these undiscovered parts of me.
though i admit, this flurry of revelation scares me a little. am i simply bouncing from one extreme to the other side of the spectrum? i can then only hope to linger as long here...
so, happiness abounds in my waking life. but i think it's causing my nightmares, which have been intensifying and increasing in freqency. nightly. i woke up crying this morning...there is very little difference to the brain when it comes to the dreamed activity versus the waking activity and if my body does so want those peptides in my hypothalamus, it seems it's getting them to release in my dreams. the prevailing theme of these nightmares is emotional abuse, and a terrible feeling of abandonment and loneliness. i think this is a perfect opportunity to take up lucid dreaming again.
I cannot stress the power of positive thought and intention, nor can i press the point of how ineffably pleased i am that i stumbled upon this route and avoided others. my mind has never been more at ease or open to new emotions and activities. i cannot live staticly. i know all my patterns; i've always kept a journal, only now i can let go of them. i'm so happy, there's so much potential in these undiscovered parts of me.
though i admit, this flurry of revelation scares me a little. am i simply bouncing from one extreme to the other side of the spectrum? i can then only hope to linger as long here...
so, happiness abounds in my waking life. but i think it's causing my nightmares, which have been intensifying and increasing in freqency. nightly. i woke up crying this morning...there is very little difference to the brain when it comes to the dreamed activity versus the waking activity and if my body does so want those peptides in my hypothalamus, it seems it's getting them to release in my dreams. the prevailing theme of these nightmares is emotional abuse, and a terrible feeling of abandonment and loneliness. i think this is a perfect opportunity to take up lucid dreaming again.