Voices in my head
I had another "lost in a school" dream only this time I actually wound up in a class. *gasp* It was a math class. I really don't know how well I was doing but at some point, I just started freaking out. I heard voices in my head arguing about me sort of like in the cartoons where an angel appears on one character's shoulder and a devil appears on the other only I just heard voices. One voice told me that I could get through the class. The other told me I couldn't stand a chance and that I'd probably just fail. I got so sick of listening to them that I yelled at them to shut up while the rest of the class stared at me in confusion. Not knowing what else to do, I ran out of the class sobbing just like the more negative voice had said I would do.
I sat in the middle of the empty hallway and cried. I didn't want to go back in the room because I'd left like that but I didn't know where else to go. I suddenly didn't think anyone cared about me.
Dave showed up suddenly and wrapped his arms around me very gently and for some reason, I wasn't comforted by that. I didn't even recognize him for some reason. I pushed him away. He kissed me on the cheek and I finally recognized him. But he disappeared after that and I felt so alone. I couldn't find him again.
I guess the bottom line here is that I let the more negative part of myself win that argument even though I just wanted to stop the whole thing. It still won because just quitting wasn't an option. I don't know why I didn't recognize Dave, but I know he couldn't stay with me because I was so determined that I was unlovable. Even when I saw that I was, I was still struggling with issues within myself.
Kind of reminds me of what Dave's been trying to tell me for a while: I can't let that part of myself win.
Uh...and then I had some dream where I was playing an 80's style LCD handheld game because I wanted something simple to play. But someone took it!
I sat in the middle of the empty hallway and cried. I didn't want to go back in the room because I'd left like that but I didn't know where else to go. I suddenly didn't think anyone cared about me.
Dave showed up suddenly and wrapped his arms around me very gently and for some reason, I wasn't comforted by that. I didn't even recognize him for some reason. I pushed him away. He kissed me on the cheek and I finally recognized him. But he disappeared after that and I felt so alone. I couldn't find him again.
I guess the bottom line here is that I let the more negative part of myself win that argument even though I just wanted to stop the whole thing. It still won because just quitting wasn't an option. I don't know why I didn't recognize Dave, but I know he couldn't stay with me because I was so determined that I was unlovable. Even when I saw that I was, I was still struggling with issues within myself.
Kind of reminds me of what Dave's been trying to tell me for a while: I can't let that part of myself win.
Uh...and then I had some dream where I was playing an 80's style LCD handheld game because I wanted something simple to play. But someone took it!