Wednesday Night
Eschel came by unexpectedly to whisk me off to the cheapy theater to see what was playing. Turns out the theater is very, very closed. The marquee empty, the lobby in disrepair. I had thought vaguely, on the way down, that I could call Kiran, have him join us there. A part of me wants to treat him as if he were a friend, had always been a friend. So much easier. But that's unfair to him and I don't want to be unfair. I don't want to be cruel. I haven't heard from him since Saturday, which means he's waiting for me to call him or he's seen my journal entries and is upset. If the former, well, even if I were interested, I can't carry a relationship all by myself, no matter how interested the other party. If the latter, I'm terribly sorry. It seems I can't learn even the basic lessons of courtesy. There is such a thing as too much information, and this information, pared down and sweetened, should have come directly from me. That's only fair. But I'm not a very good baker of words, expressions, kernels of truth and understanding. I'm not good at it so I'm avoiding it. sigh. I think I owe him something more. A phone call at least. Poor thing. At least my (historic) uninterested paramour had the decency to tell me face to face. There's also the issue that I don't have all the information I need to make this decision that I seem to have made. I was envisioning an exchange, a back and forth, and the journal only goes forth. I have made assumptions and I know it. I want to give him a chance to refute those assumptions, to plead his case. God, I just want to give him the chance to talk. Am I too cowardly for that?
In the end, I had a very pleasant evening with Eschel at a coffee shop. I've missed her. I've missed having her to myself. It probably won't happen again for a very long time. So, let's all keep our fingers crossed that she gets a decent job and doesn't have to work six days a week anymore, doesn't have to work herself into the ground to keep food on her table. Then, once she sleeps for a month or two, she'll have more time for me and we can hang out again. Actually talk again. Maybe, eventually, get around to talking about me.
In the end, I had a very pleasant evening with Eschel at a coffee shop. I've missed her. I've missed having her to myself. It probably won't happen again for a very long time. So, let's all keep our fingers crossed that she gets a decent job and doesn't have to work six days a week anymore, doesn't have to work herself into the ground to keep food on her table. Then, once she sleeps for a month or two, she'll have more time for me and we can hang out again. Actually talk again. Maybe, eventually, get around to talking about me.