New Years Resolutions
10 things to do in 2008 I've always wanted to do (or do again):
Play tennis - I'm thinking I'll take a class later in the year.
Eat sushi - Got a double date with Kenny already in the works, just waiting for him to set the date.
Do winter sports - especially Ice Skating, but also skiing, sledding and winter park hikes to feed the deer, build a ( Read more... )
Play tennis - I'm thinking I'll take a class later in the year.
Eat sushi - Got a double date with Kenny already in the works, just waiting for him to set the date.
Do winter sports - especially Ice Skating, but also skiing, sledding and winter park hikes to feed the deer, build a ( Read more... )
> >>
> >> I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue
> >> on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope
> >> that needs sealing.
> >>
> >> Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
> >> reason.
> >>
> >> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
> >> Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
> >>
> >> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
> >> the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
> >> participating in their special e-mail program.
> >>
> >> I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
> >> out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
> >>
> >> I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
> >> freaks with no eyes or feat hers.
> >>
> >> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
> >> water buffalo on a hot day.
> >>
> >> Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
> >> forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
> >> minutes.
> >>
> >> Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
> >> remove toilet stains.
> >>
> >> I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the
> >> car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
> >>
> >> I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
> >> products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
> >>
> >> I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
> >>
> >> And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the
> >> microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for
> >> life.
> >>
> >> I no longer c heck the coin return on pay phones because I could be
> >> pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
> >>
> >> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
> >> perfume sample and rob me.
> >>
> >> I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
> >> Al-Qaeda in disguise.
> >>
> >> I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
> >> American troops or the Salvation Army.
> >>
> >> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
> >> number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
> >> Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
> >>
> >> I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
> >> their recipe.
> >>
> >> Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet except mine because a big
> >> brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death
> >> when it bites my b utt.
> >>
> >> And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5 d ropped in
> >> the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester
> >> waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
> >>
> >> I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas
> >> companies!
> >>
> >> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
> >> minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM
> >> this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
> >> causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
> >> actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
> >> ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...etc.
> >>
> >> Have a wonderful day....
> >>
> >> Oh, by the way.. ...
> >>
> >> A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has
> >> discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail
> >> with their hand on the mouse.
> >>
> >> Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!...
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