Correspondence with a friend
Dawn,
Do you ever doubt the path you've chosen? Question the validity of your beliefs?
Before finding PC, it felt like I had a plastic bag over my head with a tiny tear in it. I wasn't really suffocating, but I couldn't breath those deep, cleansing breaths either. When I first discovered Paganism/Earth-based religion/Wicca or whatever designer name is being used currently the bag was lifted and I felt truly whole for the first time in my life.
I don't feel that anymore. A lot of it has to do with the stresses of Life. To say that we're in a seriously f'd up mess is putting it mildly.
The joy that used to leap in me at the thought of ritual and spellwork is quiet now. I'm sad at the loss, but sad most of the time anyway, so it's difficult to figure the exact reason why.
I just wondered if you doubt sometimes. I doubt myself. My judgment, choices...hell, most of the time I don't even like myself. You're so strong. My friends sometimes tell me that I'm such a strong person. I honestly laugh out loud, because I don't feel that way inside me. Do you feel that too.
The questions: What the fuck am I doing? Is there really a purpose to my life? ring through my brain quite regularly anymore. Like I said, I just wondered if you doubt sometimes.
[Keeping friend Anonymous]
~*~*~**~**~*~**~*~*~~*~*
Dear Friend,
I doubt myself a lot and I totally know what you mean about missing the excitement of spell casting and ritual, I've also lost touch with that too and it does make me sad.
The blessing and the curse of calling yourself Pagan is the lack of definition. Saying your Pagan is more telling people what you are NOT than what you ARE. Pagans can’t even decide what a Pagan IS. That’s liberating except when you’re trying to find yourself on a deeper level. Not to mention the negative stereotypes of being a Witch can make personal growth difficult.
I really had to open my viewpoint of "my path" in the last couple years because I've lost touch with all religions, all together. I think of religion as a box with set rules and restrictions. The benefits of any given religion are focused thought and worship, guidelined morals and an understanding of duty, but I eventually feel like I don’t belong because I want to see what’s outside of the box.
I rather call myself an Eclectic Spiritualist because spirit has no boundaries, it waxes and wanes but it encompasses all and is always there. The vastness of it can be overwhelming, but it’s ok to narrow down what you want at the moment, say Pagan rituals and then when that doesn’t work anymore we shouldn’t feel sad. We should follow our higher self and find what makes our spirit soar today. Maybe one day you and I will find ourselves back to the basics of Paganism and Witchcraft. Changing our mind doesn’t make us wrong, we just not the type of people who belong in boxes.
Thanks for sharing your doubts with me, talking it though with you has helped me!
Lots of love,
Dawn
P.S. Sorry to sound like I love the sound of my own voice, but I guess I do. hee hee. I hope I didn't sound preachy. You are a singular person, always thoughtful. Anyone who knows you is the better for it.
Do you ever doubt the path you've chosen? Question the validity of your beliefs?
Before finding PC, it felt like I had a plastic bag over my head with a tiny tear in it. I wasn't really suffocating, but I couldn't breath those deep, cleansing breaths either. When I first discovered Paganism/Earth-based religion/Wicca or whatever designer name is being used currently the bag was lifted and I felt truly whole for the first time in my life.
I don't feel that anymore. A lot of it has to do with the stresses of Life. To say that we're in a seriously f'd up mess is putting it mildly.
The joy that used to leap in me at the thought of ritual and spellwork is quiet now. I'm sad at the loss, but sad most of the time anyway, so it's difficult to figure the exact reason why.
I just wondered if you doubt sometimes. I doubt myself. My judgment, choices...hell, most of the time I don't even like myself. You're so strong. My friends sometimes tell me that I'm such a strong person. I honestly laugh out loud, because I don't feel that way inside me. Do you feel that too.
The questions: What the fuck am I doing? Is there really a purpose to my life? ring through my brain quite regularly anymore. Like I said, I just wondered if you doubt sometimes.
[Keeping friend Anonymous]
~*~*~**~**~*~**~*~*~~*~*
Dear Friend,
I doubt myself a lot and I totally know what you mean about missing the excitement of spell casting and ritual, I've also lost touch with that too and it does make me sad.
The blessing and the curse of calling yourself Pagan is the lack of definition. Saying your Pagan is more telling people what you are NOT than what you ARE. Pagans can’t even decide what a Pagan IS. That’s liberating except when you’re trying to find yourself on a deeper level. Not to mention the negative stereotypes of being a Witch can make personal growth difficult.
I really had to open my viewpoint of "my path" in the last couple years because I've lost touch with all religions, all together. I think of religion as a box with set rules and restrictions. The benefits of any given religion are focused thought and worship, guidelined morals and an understanding of duty, but I eventually feel like I don’t belong because I want to see what’s outside of the box.
I rather call myself an Eclectic Spiritualist because spirit has no boundaries, it waxes and wanes but it encompasses all and is always there. The vastness of it can be overwhelming, but it’s ok to narrow down what you want at the moment, say Pagan rituals and then when that doesn’t work anymore we shouldn’t feel sad. We should follow our higher self and find what makes our spirit soar today. Maybe one day you and I will find ourselves back to the basics of Paganism and Witchcraft. Changing our mind doesn’t make us wrong, we just not the type of people who belong in boxes.
Thanks for sharing your doubts with me, talking it though with you has helped me!
Lots of love,
Dawn
P.S. Sorry to sound like I love the sound of my own voice, but I guess I do. hee hee. I hope I didn't sound preachy. You are a singular person, always thoughtful. Anyone who knows you is the better for it.