Wondering what it means...
Hrmph....
I find that every day I have a new outlook and a new way of looking at and feeling things. I think this might be normal for some folks but generally I would suspect it would need to be a gradual change for it to be truely considered normal.
It's not gradual with me.
There are some days where I want to burn the world to it's core and blast it to glass through the shear heat of my undying hatred.
There are some days where I just want some good chinese food and a House marathon.
There are some days Where I feel like I actually feel the weight of my experiantial knowledge is not crushing me and I can enjoy what little proximity to enlightenment that I have.
There are some days I want to let it all go and say everything that comes to mind and worse... do it all too.
There are some days Where I think about Andy And Steve and wonder if they made the right choice.
There are some days where my future is sucking me forward...
There are some days where my past is holding me back...
I wouldn't mind these feelings... but they are all so drastic and all so horribly differant in terms of internal feeling... I was Diagnosed with Manic Depression as a Child. My mother took me in for a psych evaluation after I burned our house down... And that began an almost decade long battle with therapy. It never worked... They never got anything out of me and I never got anything out of the sessions. They drugged me up and sent me on my way.
One day I just knew I wanted it to stop.
I'm still pretty sure I'm still messed up from those meds. I hated them.
So here I am... a 28 year old man... What have I got to show for it? I live in someone elses basement in Lincoln Nebraska. Hmph... most days I would rail against such a consignment... But I know I'm far from done with this life if I can help it. Onward it is for me then...
Still smiling,
Tracy
Who's had a really solid couple of days, and is now on something of a down swing but trying to keep enough light in his pocket to see him through.
I find that every day I have a new outlook and a new way of looking at and feeling things. I think this might be normal for some folks but generally I would suspect it would need to be a gradual change for it to be truely considered normal.
It's not gradual with me.
There are some days where I want to burn the world to it's core and blast it to glass through the shear heat of my undying hatred.
There are some days where I just want some good chinese food and a House marathon.
There are some days Where I feel like I actually feel the weight of my experiantial knowledge is not crushing me and I can enjoy what little proximity to enlightenment that I have.
There are some days I want to let it all go and say everything that comes to mind and worse... do it all too.
There are some days Where I think about Andy And Steve and wonder if they made the right choice.
There are some days where my future is sucking me forward...
There are some days where my past is holding me back...
I wouldn't mind these feelings... but they are all so drastic and all so horribly differant in terms of internal feeling... I was Diagnosed with Manic Depression as a Child. My mother took me in for a psych evaluation after I burned our house down... And that began an almost decade long battle with therapy. It never worked... They never got anything out of me and I never got anything out of the sessions. They drugged me up and sent me on my way.
One day I just knew I wanted it to stop.
I'm still pretty sure I'm still messed up from those meds. I hated them.
So here I am... a 28 year old man... What have I got to show for it? I live in someone elses basement in Lincoln Nebraska. Hmph... most days I would rail against such a consignment... But I know I'm far from done with this life if I can help it. Onward it is for me then...
Still smiling,
Tracy
Who's had a really solid couple of days, and is now on something of a down swing but trying to keep enough light in his pocket to see him through.