Yale Psych Ward: straight jacket for one, please
This is for Sheryl, who was asking.
Let's see. Kitchen stove stopped working all-together September '09.
Bought new kitchen April '10.
It's still sitting in my living room as of July 17th, and will be until at least the end of the month.
Many problems to get *this* far (such as pipes going up to 2nd floor where I wanted a window--so now I have to buy more cabinets and patch where the "window" would have gone. Several back and forths between the condo association about shut off valves, finding out I don't have any, and that the ENTIRE BUILDING would need to be shut off so that I could have shut off valves put in the kitchen by a plummer, so that I could take out the old sink without flooding everything. Since then (June) I have no stove, sink, or refrigerator. The floor has been ripped up and the walls have been torn up--patched in some places, but not all. I've been living with my mother for about a month now and I miss my bed so much but driving home just to sleep is crazy. Especially if I wake up and forget the flip-flops in the morning--wood splinters and nails are throught the carpet and are *NOT* fun to step on. I would be confined to my bedroom and bathroom, since the new appliances and cabinets took over everything else.
I used work's credit-purchase program to pay for half of the kitchen. They're taking out $120/paycheck until it's paid off...we're talking Nov. or Dec. I'm basically taking home $1200/mo while my mortagage and condo fees are $1000/mo, not including any other bills. (Like my credit card bill that paid for the other half of the kitchen--and the laminate floors from Home Depot)
My car insurance payment is due at the end of the month and car taxes are due by months end. Cue last week my 2003 f.ix o.r r.epair d.aily focus didn't sound right...gears weren't shifting and it's an automatic. It's my transmission. $1,000 easy. So, do I pay to have it fix or down payment on new car...Actually I CAN'T DO EITHER!!! And this is my only vehicle, so getting to work for the last week has been a major inconvience for everyone. I'm grateful people are helping, but SO RESENTFUL that *I* have the piece of shit car and it always happens to me. Oh, yeah, and there was that whole thing about driving to PA for a 4 day vacation with friends.
Then, at work the other day, while I'm training the new co-worker, gearing up for back-to-school craziness, and my mgr only works m-f until 4pm (NICE!) my manager made a flippant, sarcastic remark about how "maybe that's why you haven't been on a date in 6 years" that would normally sting just a bit, but I'd come back with a sarcastic remark, just bore into me and sent me into hysterics later in the day. I ended up pushing and yelling at a 7 year old, then hysterically crying to my mother about how I was 31, alone, living at home, haven't had a boyfriend in years, never will, can't even keep a pet with the way work treats me with the schedule, kill myself at work, only to be treated by shit, just pushed and yelled at a 7 year old and I didn't want/mean to and i'm a horrible person and I can't afford oatmeal this month, let alone a 4 day vacation with friends, eventhough my last vacation was over 10 months ago and I *need* it but can't justify the expense...yadda yadda yadda
(btw, I may just say fuck it! and come to PA anyway, because I DO deserve this and they really can't collect money from me once I'm dead, anyway.)
Anyway, I'm just super stressed out, financially fucked, emotionally unstable, seriously in need of a giant-don't-let-go-bear-hug, and miserable ball of mis-placed angry now.
I ABSOLUTELY WANT TO GO TO KNOEBELS AND LUCIE'S B-DAY PARTY...I just don't think my guilty financial conscience can handle it. :o(
p.s. I did apologize to the 7 year old the next morning, telling him it wasn't him it was me and he wasn't even phased--I guess it happens at home a lot. :o( I still think I'm horrible.
Let's see. Kitchen stove stopped working all-together September '09.
Bought new kitchen April '10.
It's still sitting in my living room as of July 17th, and will be until at least the end of the month.
Many problems to get *this* far (such as pipes going up to 2nd floor where I wanted a window--so now I have to buy more cabinets and patch where the "window" would have gone. Several back and forths between the condo association about shut off valves, finding out I don't have any, and that the ENTIRE BUILDING would need to be shut off so that I could have shut off valves put in the kitchen by a plummer, so that I could take out the old sink without flooding everything. Since then (June) I have no stove, sink, or refrigerator. The floor has been ripped up and the walls have been torn up--patched in some places, but not all. I've been living with my mother for about a month now and I miss my bed so much but driving home just to sleep is crazy. Especially if I wake up and forget the flip-flops in the morning--wood splinters and nails are throught the carpet and are *NOT* fun to step on. I would be confined to my bedroom and bathroom, since the new appliances and cabinets took over everything else.
I used work's credit-purchase program to pay for half of the kitchen. They're taking out $120/paycheck until it's paid off...we're talking Nov. or Dec. I'm basically taking home $1200/mo while my mortagage and condo fees are $1000/mo, not including any other bills. (Like my credit card bill that paid for the other half of the kitchen--and the laminate floors from Home Depot)
My car insurance payment is due at the end of the month and car taxes are due by months end. Cue last week my 2003 f.ix o.r r.epair d.aily focus didn't sound right...gears weren't shifting and it's an automatic. It's my transmission. $1,000 easy. So, do I pay to have it fix or down payment on new car...Actually I CAN'T DO EITHER!!! And this is my only vehicle, so getting to work for the last week has been a major inconvience for everyone. I'm grateful people are helping, but SO RESENTFUL that *I* have the piece of shit car and it always happens to me. Oh, yeah, and there was that whole thing about driving to PA for a 4 day vacation with friends.
Then, at work the other day, while I'm training the new co-worker, gearing up for back-to-school craziness, and my mgr only works m-f until 4pm (NICE!) my manager made a flippant, sarcastic remark about how "maybe that's why you haven't been on a date in 6 years" that would normally sting just a bit, but I'd come back with a sarcastic remark, just bore into me and sent me into hysterics later in the day. I ended up pushing and yelling at a 7 year old, then hysterically crying to my mother about how I was 31, alone, living at home, haven't had a boyfriend in years, never will, can't even keep a pet with the way work treats me with the schedule, kill myself at work, only to be treated by shit, just pushed and yelled at a 7 year old and I didn't want/mean to and i'm a horrible person and I can't afford oatmeal this month, let alone a 4 day vacation with friends, eventhough my last vacation was over 10 months ago and I *need* it but can't justify the expense...yadda yadda yadda
(btw, I may just say fuck it! and come to PA anyway, because I DO deserve this and they really can't collect money from me once I'm dead, anyway.)
Anyway, I'm just super stressed out, financially fucked, emotionally unstable, seriously in need of a giant-don't-let-go-bear-hug, and miserable ball of mis-placed angry now.
I ABSOLUTELY WANT TO GO TO KNOEBELS AND LUCIE'S B-DAY PARTY...I just don't think my guilty financial conscience can handle it. :o(
p.s. I did apologize to the 7 year old the next morning, telling him it wasn't him it was me and he wasn't even phased--I guess it happens at home a lot. :o( I still think I'm horrible.