Dear Imaginary Literary Agent,
Hi! I'm a genius. Not an ordinary genius, but a super-genius. I don't sleep much, and when I'm not sleeping or trying to have get a date with someone who can't stand the sight of me, I write.
Here's what I've got:
The Fantastic:
1. Blessings of Fools and Saints (remixed): First part of massive sprawling fantasy epic. Will be ready 2009, late in the year.
2. Interregnum: (two volumes) Short stories and novellas detailing what exactly goes on directly after Blessings, in most of the far corners of the Empire. Needs a little review but will be ready 2009, late in the year, or 2010, early in the spring.
3. Latidium: What happens when you cross-breed Harry Potter and Henry IV (both parts) with a little Henry V for good measure. Not at all finished, because rewriting Shakespeare is fucking hard. About 150pp. in.
4. Trials of God and Man: Last part of massive sprawling fantasy epic. 30% drafted. Will be done 2010.
The Personal:
5. Faith. Which is the best thing I've ever written. And which, because it's the most personal thing I've ever written, I have a very hard time letting go of. Been done for years.
6. Thirst: A little light pornotragicomedy for your bedtime reading? Done.
7. (Secret Project Nobody Gets To See): Will be done, whenever it's done. Likely 2012. Love, divorce, duty, and the end of the world as we know it. Yes, I do feel fine, thank you for asking.
The Fragmentary:
8. Sewing Circle: Everbody loves it. It refuses to let itself be finished. Likely 2012.
9. Detroit: Stalled-out but possible to revive. Gender-switching, graduate school, wild dreams, ancient Greek. May never be finished, or might be finished 2013 if I can recapture a little momentum.
So as you can see, by 2009 I'll have several books ready for market. Please do your job and shop them around for me so I can keep to my schedule and get the rest of the projects on my hard drive finished. I live very well off of a very, very meager paycheck, so any kind of advance, even a small one, will double or triple my annual income. I'm not looking for a 300K contract that I can't possibly live up to. A little one will do just fine. Just get the damn things in print already, all right?
kthanx, bye,
p.
Here's what I've got:
The Fantastic:
1. Blessings of Fools and Saints (remixed): First part of massive sprawling fantasy epic. Will be ready 2009, late in the year.
2. Interregnum: (two volumes) Short stories and novellas detailing what exactly goes on directly after Blessings, in most of the far corners of the Empire. Needs a little review but will be ready 2009, late in the year, or 2010, early in the spring.
3. Latidium: What happens when you cross-breed Harry Potter and Henry IV (both parts) with a little Henry V for good measure. Not at all finished, because rewriting Shakespeare is fucking hard. About 150pp. in.
4. Trials of God and Man: Last part of massive sprawling fantasy epic. 30% drafted. Will be done 2010.
The Personal:
5. Faith. Which is the best thing I've ever written. And which, because it's the most personal thing I've ever written, I have a very hard time letting go of. Been done for years.
6. Thirst: A little light pornotragicomedy for your bedtime reading? Done.
7. (Secret Project Nobody Gets To See): Will be done, whenever it's done. Likely 2012. Love, divorce, duty, and the end of the world as we know it. Yes, I do feel fine, thank you for asking.
The Fragmentary:
8. Sewing Circle: Everbody loves it. It refuses to let itself be finished. Likely 2012.
9. Detroit: Stalled-out but possible to revive. Gender-switching, graduate school, wild dreams, ancient Greek. May never be finished, or might be finished 2013 if I can recapture a little momentum.
So as you can see, by 2009 I'll have several books ready for market. Please do your job and shop them around for me so I can keep to my schedule and get the rest of the projects on my hard drive finished. I live very well off of a very, very meager paycheck, so any kind of advance, even a small one, will double or triple my annual income. I'm not looking for a 300K contract that I can't possibly live up to. A little one will do just fine. Just get the damn things in print already, all right?
kthanx, bye,
p.