Fic: And I Will Give You The Kingdom of Heaven (Millicent/Theodore, Millicent/Blaise, Blaise/Theo, M
Title: And I Will Give You The Kingdom of Heaven
Author: quietliban
Rating: M (character deaths, obscure allusions)
Disclaimer: The Harry Potter universe and characters contained therein are property of JK Rowling and her associated publishers etc. No copyright infringement is intended, no profit is being made.
Summary: They can repair a man splinched in two, but they can't stop a body from fighting itself.
Feedback would be wonderful.
And I Will Give You The Kingdon of Heaven
When Theodore dies, Millicent decides she wants to become a Healer. She decides it then and there. Theodore's body isn't even cold yet, and her tears are only just creeping up and over. She decides that she wants to be a Healer and it's not for any noble reason. It's not because she wants to heal the sick, or because she wants to save lives.
Blaise stands opposite to her when she decides, his dark hand squeezing Theodore's pale dead one. Tears are spilling over his cheeks. More tears than Millicent has ever cried. She looks down at Theodore. His eyes are blank and lifeless, staring up at the ceiling. His mouth is open, poised mid-sentence.
Millicent looks back up at Blaise. Her first tear has slid to her chin. She reaches across the bed to press the call button.
Yes, she thinks as her thumb presses down on the little red switch, I want to be a Healer because then I'll know why they couldn't save him.
-
Blaise never does anything charitable. Millicent knows it's not because he's incapable of it, or because he doesn't believe in it. Blaise does believe in charity, if only because he's seen it. Not that believing in something you've seen makes it real. They both lived long enough in the wizarding world to know just because you see something, that doesn't make it real.
Nevertheless, it is a surprise when Blaise offers to pay for Theodore's funeral expenses. He can afford it, they both know that. His mother's amassed fortune from her numerous husbands had all been left to him upon her fortunate and timely death. Millicent can't afford it, and they both know that. Theodore wasn't a rich man. Not in terms of Galleons and the hospital bills still need to be paid. Just because they can't save somebody doesn't mean they won't invoice you.
She says 'no.' Millicent tells him 'no,' because she doesn't trust him and she doesn't want to be in his debt. Blaise was not a nice boy, and she thinks that he's become a sinister man. She doesn't know what went on between him and her husband and she tells him so.
She gets a shocked blank look at that and she laughs. It's a cracked laugh and it bleeds into tears and hysteria, because she should have known really. She should have known.
Blaise stares at her open mouthed before coming towards her with open arms.
-
She doesn't pass the entrance exams that year and that doesn't come as much of a surprise. She's been distracted. She's been grieving.
Theodore's clothes still hang in their wardrobe and dust gathers on them. Millicent doesn't close the wardrobe door, but she leaves it open; even at night when she sleeps fitfully. His clothes hang still, motionless, never changing. She sits in front of it and stares. A green shirt and black work robes still need ironing. Sometimes she thinks about reaching in and grabbing them out and burning them in the fire.
On other days Blaise Apparates in and finds her, sitting in front of their wardrode. His hand rests on her shoulder and she shakes her head, because it isn't right.
They can repair a man splinched in two, but they can't stop a body from fighting itself.
-
Sometimes they sit in the dark and Blaise tells her the things he loved about Theodore. Millicent doesn't understand how she didn't notice it before. She doesn't know how she didn't see it. The late nights at work, the excuses, the secrets, it's all obvious now. She doesn't know how she didn't see that the man she loved-the man she married-loved another man. Millicent thought that she knew everything about the boy she spent a year locked in a house with during the war.
She thinks that she should be angry or disgusted or that she should feel something else, something other than this odd gentle acceptance.
Blaise laughs at her when she tells him this. It's a gentle laugh, a warm laugh and it sounds so different from the cruel mocking laughter of the boy she remembers from Hogwarts. But then, Theodore could never have loved someone so harsh as the boy she remembers Blaise to have been.
Sometimes when they sit in the dark, she rests her head on Blaise's chest and listens to him breathe. They don't speak when Millicent does this. Blaise runs his hand through her hair, petting her. Blaise is warm and Millicent feels so cold. She looks up at him and she wonders.
-
Their wedding is the same but different. Millicent doesn't wear pure white; she wears an off-white dress with lace, and little red roses in her dark hair. Blaise stands opposite her in a charcoal grey suit that's plain and non-descript.
It's a small ceremony and the sun shines brightly outside. They smile and laugh and look happy. Everyone is so glad for them, thinking that Blaise and Millicent have finally found happiness in what must have been such a dark time. Millicent and Blaise know differently.
Blaise didn't mean to tell her. He didn't mean to tell her the promise that he made Theodore. He didn't mean to tell her that he'd promised to look after to her, because despite Theodore loving him, he also loved Millicent.
Blaise didn't mean to make Millicent cry again.
-
Millicent is not old enough to be a widow once and much too young to be a widow twice. She walks down the narrow aisle between the headstones. People-friends and family-walk with her. They wear black robes and sober faces. The roses that she carries prick her hands with their thorns. Her blood bleeds over her skin like dark red tears.
She hasn't cried for Blaise. Not because he asked her not to, and not because she's not saddened by his death. She hasn't cried because she understands the irony in how he's keeping his promise to Theodore.
The earth is open before her, the soil moist and dark and Millicent casts her eyes to the right. Between people she can see where Theodore's headstone stands, plain, simple and slightly weathered. Millicent stares at it for a moment. She blinks away tears and shakes her head. She is much too young to be a widow twice.
As the priest begins the ceremony and as Blaise's coffin is lowered, Millicent thinks about sitting the entrance exams again. She wants to be a Healer. She wants to know they couldn't save him-them.
She drops the roses down into the darkness of Blaise's grave. She watches them as they fall and it is then that she lets herself cry.
Author: quietliban
Rating: M (character deaths, obscure allusions)
Disclaimer: The Harry Potter universe and characters contained therein are property of JK Rowling and her associated publishers etc. No copyright infringement is intended, no profit is being made.
Summary: They can repair a man splinched in two, but they can't stop a body from fighting itself.
Feedback would be wonderful.
And I Will Give You The Kingdon of Heaven
When Theodore dies, Millicent decides she wants to become a Healer. She decides it then and there. Theodore's body isn't even cold yet, and her tears are only just creeping up and over. She decides that she wants to be a Healer and it's not for any noble reason. It's not because she wants to heal the sick, or because she wants to save lives.
Blaise stands opposite to her when she decides, his dark hand squeezing Theodore's pale dead one. Tears are spilling over his cheeks. More tears than Millicent has ever cried. She looks down at Theodore. His eyes are blank and lifeless, staring up at the ceiling. His mouth is open, poised mid-sentence.
Millicent looks back up at Blaise. Her first tear has slid to her chin. She reaches across the bed to press the call button.
Yes, she thinks as her thumb presses down on the little red switch, I want to be a Healer because then I'll know why they couldn't save him.
-
Blaise never does anything charitable. Millicent knows it's not because he's incapable of it, or because he doesn't believe in it. Blaise does believe in charity, if only because he's seen it. Not that believing in something you've seen makes it real. They both lived long enough in the wizarding world to know just because you see something, that doesn't make it real.
Nevertheless, it is a surprise when Blaise offers to pay for Theodore's funeral expenses. He can afford it, they both know that. His mother's amassed fortune from her numerous husbands had all been left to him upon her fortunate and timely death. Millicent can't afford it, and they both know that. Theodore wasn't a rich man. Not in terms of Galleons and the hospital bills still need to be paid. Just because they can't save somebody doesn't mean they won't invoice you.
She says 'no.' Millicent tells him 'no,' because she doesn't trust him and she doesn't want to be in his debt. Blaise was not a nice boy, and she thinks that he's become a sinister man. She doesn't know what went on between him and her husband and she tells him so.
She gets a shocked blank look at that and she laughs. It's a cracked laugh and it bleeds into tears and hysteria, because she should have known really. She should have known.
Blaise stares at her open mouthed before coming towards her with open arms.
-
She doesn't pass the entrance exams that year and that doesn't come as much of a surprise. She's been distracted. She's been grieving.
Theodore's clothes still hang in their wardrobe and dust gathers on them. Millicent doesn't close the wardrobe door, but she leaves it open; even at night when she sleeps fitfully. His clothes hang still, motionless, never changing. She sits in front of it and stares. A green shirt and black work robes still need ironing. Sometimes she thinks about reaching in and grabbing them out and burning them in the fire.
On other days Blaise Apparates in and finds her, sitting in front of their wardrode. His hand rests on her shoulder and she shakes her head, because it isn't right.
They can repair a man splinched in two, but they can't stop a body from fighting itself.
-
Sometimes they sit in the dark and Blaise tells her the things he loved about Theodore. Millicent doesn't understand how she didn't notice it before. She doesn't know how she didn't see it. The late nights at work, the excuses, the secrets, it's all obvious now. She doesn't know how she didn't see that the man she loved-the man she married-loved another man. Millicent thought that she knew everything about the boy she spent a year locked in a house with during the war.
She thinks that she should be angry or disgusted or that she should feel something else, something other than this odd gentle acceptance.
Blaise laughs at her when she tells him this. It's a gentle laugh, a warm laugh and it sounds so different from the cruel mocking laughter of the boy she remembers from Hogwarts. But then, Theodore could never have loved someone so harsh as the boy she remembers Blaise to have been.
Sometimes when they sit in the dark, she rests her head on Blaise's chest and listens to him breathe. They don't speak when Millicent does this. Blaise runs his hand through her hair, petting her. Blaise is warm and Millicent feels so cold. She looks up at him and she wonders.
-
Their wedding is the same but different. Millicent doesn't wear pure white; she wears an off-white dress with lace, and little red roses in her dark hair. Blaise stands opposite her in a charcoal grey suit that's plain and non-descript.
It's a small ceremony and the sun shines brightly outside. They smile and laugh and look happy. Everyone is so glad for them, thinking that Blaise and Millicent have finally found happiness in what must have been such a dark time. Millicent and Blaise know differently.
Blaise didn't mean to tell her. He didn't mean to tell her the promise that he made Theodore. He didn't mean to tell her that he'd promised to look after to her, because despite Theodore loving him, he also loved Millicent.
Blaise didn't mean to make Millicent cry again.
-
Millicent is not old enough to be a widow once and much too young to be a widow twice. She walks down the narrow aisle between the headstones. People-friends and family-walk with her. They wear black robes and sober faces. The roses that she carries prick her hands with their thorns. Her blood bleeds over her skin like dark red tears.
She hasn't cried for Blaise. Not because he asked her not to, and not because she's not saddened by his death. She hasn't cried because she understands the irony in how he's keeping his promise to Theodore.
The earth is open before her, the soil moist and dark and Millicent casts her eyes to the right. Between people she can see where Theodore's headstone stands, plain, simple and slightly weathered. Millicent stares at it for a moment. She blinks away tears and shakes her head. She is much too young to be a widow twice.
As the priest begins the ceremony and as Blaise's coffin is lowered, Millicent thinks about sitting the entrance exams again. She wants to be a Healer. She wants to know they couldn't save him-them.
She drops the roses down into the darkness of Blaise's grave. She watches them as they fall and it is then that she lets herself cry.