starfish and coffee
I am SO having a piece of toast with crunchy peanut butter and marshmallow creme on it right now, with a cup of coffee, and it is deeevine... pure, unadulterated HEAVEN, I tell you. For real! I was meaning to have this for dessert last night, or maybe for dinner, when I thought I was going to have the house to myself but alas. No house to self and no ridiculous supper. But, breakfast! I will probably be sick by the end of it but I.DONT.CARE because now I DO have the house to myself, since there was/is a minor emergency in the house and I am waiting for the landlord to come do something about it and I have the luxury of being able to work from home so when something like this strikes, it's pretty okay to deal with it and "work from home." So I thought I'd squeeze in a little hello and spread the spread joy that is complementing this stroke of good fortune so nicely.
So today is day nine of not smoking, go me, except I am missing it a lot right now on account of the whole 'working from home' thing which was always made so much sweeter by being able to smoke at the computer. Alas. Goodbye, Cigarette(s) #7846-52, I will miss you!
Do you ever feel like you need to go to the desert or the woods or something and sort it all out? Or is that just me? I've been having the craziest dreams lately, or maybe not so crazy but all feeling so symbolic; usually I remember the whole lot of the dream, the long and drawn-out plot twists and character development and dialogue and alla that but lately it's been just the symbols, simple little fucked-up things that all seem to be telling me something and I generally I can't fucking figure out what I'm supposed to know. As a result I've had the overwhelming desire to run away from it all, as if maybe some time alone outside, doing something, would make everything click. Give me a little perspective. The winter olympics haven't helped, because I totally mourn the absence of a nearby ski slope, or fields of snow o'er which I could trollop, maybe in some cross country skis or snowshoes. (I'm lookin' at you, New Englanders! So jealous!) Anyway. Last night I dreamed of lava. Lava and silver, specifically silver being thrown into the lava, but the lava being more pervasive of a theme than the silver. I think my subconscious is sick of being repressed and has now resorted to the most obvious and literal translations. Which is fine. I spend too much time tasked with figuring things out, so it's nice of my brain to throw me a bone every once in a while.
The other thing pushing me to retreat into solitude is intuition. It's like I have this sneaking suspicion of something, but I'm not sure what but it is sorta foreboding and I don't really feel smart or equipped or sane enough to ask the right questions or request the right things or state the obvious. All the things I am questioning now seem to have to do with a sort of self-preservation, which is entirely egotistical but also very sensory, in which I am asked to keep defining myself, and keep reducing the definition down to its simplest form, over and over. The troubling aspect is repeating this exercise, as if somehow when the definition gets simpler, there will be an AH! and no more wishing that the definition was different.
Gotta go deal.
love to you.
So today is day nine of not smoking, go me, except I am missing it a lot right now on account of the whole 'working from home' thing which was always made so much sweeter by being able to smoke at the computer. Alas. Goodbye, Cigarette(s) #7846-52, I will miss you!
Do you ever feel like you need to go to the desert or the woods or something and sort it all out? Or is that just me? I've been having the craziest dreams lately, or maybe not so crazy but all feeling so symbolic; usually I remember the whole lot of the dream, the long and drawn-out plot twists and character development and dialogue and alla that but lately it's been just the symbols, simple little fucked-up things that all seem to be telling me something and I generally I can't fucking figure out what I'm supposed to know. As a result I've had the overwhelming desire to run away from it all, as if maybe some time alone outside, doing something, would make everything click. Give me a little perspective. The winter olympics haven't helped, because I totally mourn the absence of a nearby ski slope, or fields of snow o'er which I could trollop, maybe in some cross country skis or snowshoes. (I'm lookin' at you, New Englanders! So jealous!) Anyway. Last night I dreamed of lava. Lava and silver, specifically silver being thrown into the lava, but the lava being more pervasive of a theme than the silver. I think my subconscious is sick of being repressed and has now resorted to the most obvious and literal translations. Which is fine. I spend too much time tasked with figuring things out, so it's nice of my brain to throw me a bone every once in a while.
The other thing pushing me to retreat into solitude is intuition. It's like I have this sneaking suspicion of something, but I'm not sure what but it is sorta foreboding and I don't really feel smart or equipped or sane enough to ask the right questions or request the right things or state the obvious. All the things I am questioning now seem to have to do with a sort of self-preservation, which is entirely egotistical but also very sensory, in which I am asked to keep defining myself, and keep reducing the definition down to its simplest form, over and over. The troubling aspect is repeating this exercise, as if somehow when the definition gets simpler, there will be an AH! and no more wishing that the definition was different.
Gotta go deal.
love to you.