(no subject)
I'm going to complain for one moment. Sometimes being tall is okay. Finding people in crowds, for instance, or reaching the top shelf of the cupboard. Other times? It's not so great. Like when you're in Mexico, for example.
I feel very disappointed here quite often. I didn't really think about my expectations for the trip before I came, but I am finding that many of them are not being met and this is leaving me not so happy. I think I really did feel that I would be a great soccer player, that I would suddenly be able to dance, and that boys would start liking me. Those thoughts are ridiculous, I freely acknowledge that, but it's what I really thought. I'm not sure what it is about foreign soil that makes me think I'll suddenly be so different, so much better, so...not me.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying there's anything inherently wrong with me. Lots of people don't dance well and don't play soccer well and get along fine. And lots of people are tall and are fine, too. But, along with soccer and dance came the boys category. And that's where I'm no different than before. I'm still shy, I still show no interest, I still have a huge personal bubble, and I still am just absolutely scared senseless if I think a boy might like me (but no worries, that's not happening).
I don't want to get too religious or anything here (well, actually, I DO, but I'll save that for a bit), but I think my lack of self-esteem has always been the thing that has held me back from God. And I thought this semester I'd get so much closer to Him, and learn so much more, especially before the Race, but...it's not happening. And I think part of it is because I'm so petty and concerned about not being good enough for boys. Hello? What about God? And how He already thinks I'm good enough?