life and yea

[quietarchitect]

so i think i am pushing people away, when i talk to them i mean, everytime i visit starbucks brock asks whats wrong i never tell him the truth which i should cause i am sure he would want to know whats wrong. sometimes the truth involves him and other times its another guy and even other times its just my life. my life is going to work watching tv/movies, driving, paying for gas, hittin the gym every once in a while its not that interesting. damn i will just say my issue i want a guy, a bf, someone i can talk to without thinking what would he think if i were to say this. or disagree with him on that or treat him like crap cause i am having a bad day(but he wouldn't mind cause he knows how my life is going at that point in time, but he would hope for a better day tmrw, knowing that what he had just seen, heard, w/e, wasnt who i am but just another small part of me). a guy that i can just be myself w/ who i can sing along with, laugh with, experiance life with and make memories with. and yea i just dont know if i will ever find him when i haven't even had a boyfriend in my life ever. i am lonely w/o even realizing it, lifeless w/o living, liking w/o someone to like back, growing w/o fully growing up, pointless w/o knowing what is pointless in my life. its like a pencil w/o a eraser, why not be a pen there is no reason why not to except what ur made of, but wouldnt being a pen w/o the cil added to it be more exciting, thrilling just to be totally different for even a day would be awesome, experiance something new w/o losing who you really think you are but at the same time being something you aren't.
but yea
just some thoughts any opinions hook me up
later much, byebye
<3 to all