Six Days At The Bottom Of The Ocean
Title: Six Days At The Bottom Of The Ocean (2)
Rating: PG-13-ish.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: Family - a group of people connected by blood or by marriage.
A/N : we moved house, I had exams, the wireless was like a b*tch in heat, it was my birthday oh and then I got a new laptop. All reasons why my plans of super speedy updating went awry. My bad.
-
‘The tricuspid valve prevents a backflow of blood into the right atrium. The bicuspid valve prevents a backflow of blood into the left atrium of the heart. The semi-lunar valves….’
The whispers were impossibly loud. Too loud. At that point, she was almost certain that they weren’t even whispering. They certainly weren’t trying to hide their staring eyes.
“Dammit!” she exclaimed suddenly. She swiveled around in the chair, her eyes burned with a surprising amount of rage. She glared at the girls with the blonde hair and heavily lined eyes as they giggled behind their hands. She checked herself, closing her eyes she swung back around in her chair and let her head fall into her hands.
“Have you completely lost your mind?” a voice hissed impatiently from beside her.
The brunette raised her eyes pitifully to meet the angry voice. Her shoulders slumped. Defeated.
“I would really like to know because it’s looking like that’s very likely from where I’m standing.”
The librarian shushed them as she returned an armful of novels to the classics section. It was a shame that she was only returning them after she herself had checked them out only two days prior. Caitlyn Hayes knew this because she had been at the exact same table she was slumped over now.
“Say it louder,” she mumbled, “I don’t think they heard you out at field hockey practice”.
Her friend sat down in a chair beside Caitlyn. She pulled a pack of Oreos from her back pocket and slid them across the table in front of her friend. “I’m your first phone call.”
“I know.” she replied wearily, leaning back in her chair and slouching down.
“I’m really mad. I don’t think I’ve ever been so shocked. Have you heard what these people are saying? It’s ridiculous. And I’m supposed to be your first phone call. When something like this happens…. When this whole thing started… what the hell were you thinking? Why did I not know about this? You are supposed to…” she stopped. Short of breath and wounded, she slowly rose from the table. Gently she squeezed her friends shoulder.
“I’m your first phone call.” she whispered quietly.
“I know.”
“The semi-lunar valves prevent a back-flow of blood into the heart, located on the aorta and pulmonary vein. You know that chapter inside out.”
“I know.” she whispered softly. She kept her eyes glued to the book in front of her, burning the coloured diagram of the interior of the human heart into her mind.
“When your into something that you don’t understand, that you think won’t end well, that…. Christ…. I thought… you know that I care. You know that I would have been there for you. I may not have understood, I probably would have tried to talk you out of it but I would have been there for you.” she whispered fiercely.
“Can you… can you be here for me now?” Caitlyn asked quietly, daring to look up into her friends furious face. She had expected to be met with those huge grey eyes glaring at her. Instead her friend was staring disbelieving in the opposite direction, off towards the information desk by the entrance.
“No.” she said firmly and walked away.
Caitlyn followed her departure with eyes glittering with unshed tears when she realised what her friend had been staring at with such a horrified expression. She rose quickly from her spot at the table and ran, fled. Leaving everything behind her. She darted out the door to library, keeping her head down the entire way. Ignoring the teacher who followed her and called out her name. She walked as fast as she could until she burst through a fire exit and collapsed against the wall, desperately trying to breathe in and out, slowly.
“Caitlyn? Are you alright? Is there something I can do for you?” he’s a kind and caring voice hovering over her hair, his hand is warm and soft on her elbow.
“Yeah,” she spat with venom, despite the fact that her knees were shaking so violently she feared she would fall right back into his arms, “don’t ever touch me again, you bastard.”
-
Sarah was sitting at her kitchen table, flicking through a glossy magazine and attempting to ignore the screaming match taking place in her bathroom upstairs.
She had known her brother for his entire lifetime. She had always known that he was a romantic, that he was a sensitive soul. She had always known that when Derek Shepherd was hurt that he would try his hardest not to show it. It came as a product of being the lone male in a very loud and warm home that was always full if not overflowing with females.
It had amazed Sarah when she came home one evening several months ago to find a message on her answering machine from an irate Kathleen. Addison had been having an affair. Derek had left her. No one knew where he was going, or if he was planning on returning.
Only a week or two ago, she had returned home to find another message on her answering machine. This time, her irate neighbour was calling “just to let you know”: a teacher at her daughter’s high school was having an affair with one of his students.
His student, just happened to be her daughter.
=
“I don’t think she sees us.”
“She’ll see the car, just give her a minute.”
“Use the horn.”
“No, I beg of you, please don’t use the horn.”
“Wait, why would you not want me to use the horn?”
“Because.. Because I will be entering this exact school in a little over two years. I cannot enter high school with the name of the girl who sits in the back seat with a thumb sucker.”
“Use the damn horn already.”
“You said a bad word! You have to put a dollar in the jar now.”
“You have a swear jar?” he twisted around in his seat, the seat belt strained against his chest.
“She sees us.” Addison’s hand was on the handle before anyone can tell her otherwise. A sharp gust of wind blew through the car as Addison stepped out onto the pavement. Derek sighed and turned back around in his seat.
“She really shouldn’t have left the car.”
Derek caught his niece’s eyes in the rear view mirror. Asking a question with his eyes as clearly as only the Shepherds could. Julie shook her head and simply turned her head to the side to look out the window.
Addison was striding purposefully towards her niece, she was just about to open her mouth, a matching smile gracing her niece’s features.
A man with a navy blue over coat and dirty blonde hair suddenly stepped between them.
“Caitlyn, I’ve been trying to find you all day. Are you alright? Are you….” he stopped and turned, coming face to face with Addison Shepherd.
Addison looked him up and down, the wheels in her head turning as she came to the conclusion that this man was just that, a man. Not a high school attending boy, he was a man.
“This is my aunt. Addison. Addison Shepherd. She’s a surgeon. She…..” Caitlyn trailed off, looking down at her shoes, drawing tiny insignificant circles with the toes of her canvas sneakers.
Addison looked towards her niece and saw the young girl sitting in the back yard with her grandmother twirling a twig between her small fingers and watching the leaves dance.
She held out her hand towards the man and shook it firmly, daring him to say something.
Anything.
Caitlyn looked between her aunt and her teacher. She saw the fleeting look of recognition dance across her aunt’s features and her heart started pounding in her chest.
“I just wanted to check and see if Caitlyn was alright. She seemed a little upset today.” He glanced over at her, his kind eyes made the tips of her ears go pink. She looked up and met his eyes, pleading silently. ‘Please stop looking at me like that.’
Addison smiled and politely excused herself and her niece. She looped her arm through Caitlyn’s and started to lead her towards the car. Caitlyn leaned against her ever so slightly, stoically ignoring every single stare and whisper.
The sound of pounding footsteps fast approaching made Addison freeze. “Get in the car, Caitlyn.” she whispered.
Caitlyn looked up into her aunt’s blue eyes, they were hardened and unwavering.
“I…”, Addison cut her off when she swung her eyes down to meet her niece’s bright green ones. She forced a smile.
“Please.”
Caitlyn nodded and silently ducked into the car.
Addison whirled around and met the blonde haired teacher with narrowed eyes and a pointed finger aimed blankly at his chest. His heart.
“Don’t.” she snapped fiercely.
The younger man straightened and pulled up to a stop, far too close to Addison for her liking.
“Excuse, Mrs. Shepherd, I don’t know you but I think that you should know that I’m just looking out for one of my students. I just wanted to make sure she’s alright.” his voice was irritatingly smooth, he had that presence around women that gave the impression that he wasn’t used to people, more accurately women, not melting beneath his warm gaze, bending to his desires, or just plain agreeing with him.
Addison, on the other hand, had gathered the impression that he was a good looking and charming young man who had been spending too much time around teenage girls who just love the thoughts of some smooth talking handsome older man with all his years of wisdom and poetic little phrases, who would whisk them away to some exotic location and lavish them with unwavering affection. She rolled her eyes inwardly when she imagined the glazed over dazed expressions on the faces of the young girls as he read poetry from the top of the room.
“Really? Do all of your students get this special attention, or just my niece? Her voice was dripping with venom and her eyes had that fire slowly burning at the edges, warning signs.
“Are you implying something, Mrs. Shepherd?”
“It’s Dr. Shepherd to you.” she snapped suddenly, stepping closer to him and forcing him backwards, away from her and further away from the car.
Derek, who had been sitting quietly in the drivers seat and trying to ignore the tense battle of wills going on outside the car suddenly snapped. He hurriedly unbuckled his seat belt and practically kicked open the door of the car. Slamming it closed, he rushed around to the other side, walking briskly towards his wife.
“Of course I care about Caitlyn. She’s very special to me. We have a great connection, of course it makes me worry when-” the charming face of the blonde teacher was suddenly snapped to his right. He shook his head, trying to clear the haze that had settled before his eyes, clouding his vision.
Students had swarmed, Derek rolled his eyes at how stereotypical this was. Then he heard the teacher raise his voice and step towards his wife, his face a twisted image of fury and burning with shame.
He got in her face, screaming about not knowing what she was talking about, staying out of other people’s business and personal lives and who the hell does she think she is. Addison backed away from him and raised a hand in the air. He was quicker this time, and reached out, stopping her mid strike.
Derek chalked it down to the fact he had been having a pretty rough couple of months, years if he was going to completely honest about it, but the fact remained, his wife’s wrist was trapped in the grip of some screaming, blonde haired, fresh out of grad school English teacher, so he did what any rational man would do. He stormed over there with these great plans of shoving that nameless teacher’s face into the dirt of the playground.
Addison wrenched her wrist free of his grasp and pushed him away from her.
“She’s my niece, you hurt her and she’s my family. It’s my personal life now.” she hissed and reached out with her other hand and slapped his face, hard, again.
Next thing she knew there were a pair of strong arms around her waist and she was being pulled to the side. Derek’s face suddenly appeared in front of her, his eyes frantically searching hers. She blinked and nodded mutely.
“I’m going to get in the car.” she whispered hoarsely, her cheeks pinking with embarrassment. Derek nodded and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, squeezing her shoulders gently.
His back was turned as he stood and watched Addison quietly and very calmly walk back to the car. Confident and attractive as ever she didn’t even seem to notice the remarks being made by teenagers everywhere.
“I could have her for assault you know.” a voice called out from behind him.
Derek didn’t even think. He spun around invaded the man’s personal space so fast even he himself felt a little violated. He grabbed him roughly by the lapels of his jacket. He looked him in the eye before releasing him.
“You’re not even worth it.” he shook his head, at that moment in time he just felt so wounded, so cheated by everything. The entire universe seemed to have been lying to him, his whole life seem to reek with a scent of tawdriness, common and dirty. Cheapened by peoples selfish actions, letting their desires and wants win out over their compassion, their own consciences.
He laughed. A dry hollow sound, the words flowed from his mouth without him even trying, he was an actor on a screen in a movie theatre, reciting a script that had been memorised, “You really think you would even dial the number for the police, when I could have you sent to prison for statutory rape?” he hissed, his voice was barely above a whisper, he still wished to spare his own niece from just a little of the pain.
Leaving the young man bruised and speechless, he turned on his heel, got back in the car and sped away. Derek could not even have been certain if he blinked until they were stopped at a red light. Silence enveloped the car. Addison reached across the space between them and placed her hand on his knee. He eased his fingers off the steering wheel, stiff and sore from the white knuckle grip he’d had for the last ten minutes. She gently took his hand in her own. Letting them fall into place in her lap where she brought both her hands to cover his, the warm comfort of her finger tips gently kneading his palm and the back of his hand.
They pulled up outside the house and no body moved. Addison unbuckled her seat belt but didn’t turn around.
“I am so sorry.” she whispered, eyes staring straight ahead at the house before them. It looked warm and inviting, despite the comfortable temperature outside. “I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t….. what I did was wrong and I never, ever wanted to hurt you. Any of you.”
The three young Shepherds swallowed their tears in the back seat. They sat, frozen, terrified to speak. They had never seen such powerful emotions come from their aunt. She never cracked, she was always perfect. Always.
Her hand fluttered to cover her mouth and they knew she was crying. Rachel, the youngest, let the big fat sorrowful spheres roll down her cheeks. Their uncle reached over and wrapped his arm around his wife’s shoulders, burying his nose in her hair and whispering quietly to her.
“I’m sorry.” Caitlyn said quietly.
Addison lifted her head from Derek’s shoulder and turned to look into her niece’s eyes.
Both of her sister’s on either side just stared at her. Silence took over again as each individual took a moment to slowly gather their thoughts, piecing them together, pulling themselves back together.
Rachel looked between the sad faces of the members of her family, she was too young. “ I don’t…. I don’t understand. Why are you so sad?” she asked quietly, tears still streaming down her cheeks.
Addison looked at her husband and a sharp pain shot through her chest, something akin to lightning, his eyes connected with hers and she knew he felt it too.
Helplessness.
“You don’t need to understand sweetie.” Caitlyn said softly, running her hand through her sister’s hair. She gave her a watery smiled and gently pulled her into her lap.
“Can we go inside now?” the six year old asked, her voice muffled and rougher than a child’s should have been
.
There was a flurry of activity as they each struggled out of the car, weighed down by emotions more than anything else.
Derek gingerly lifted the youngest out of Caitlyn’s arms and she wrapped her small arms around his neck. Derek pressed a paternal kiss to her wavy brown hair and smiled at the scent of No More Tears shampoo. Familiar and oddly comforting.
Addison had grabbed the Dora The Explorer backpack from the back seat. She let the cool material slip through her fingers as she followed the four of them towards the steps leading up to the house.
Just before Derek and Rachel ascended the steps, Derek turned, he was smiling gently at her as she approached. She quirked an eyebrow in question, but he merely bent his head to whisper something in the young brunette’s ear. She twisted in her uncle’s arms and turned to face Addison.
“I got your back pack.” It was more a question then a statement as she held it towards the duo, almost as a peace offering.
Derek laughed slightly and Addison shot him a look.
Rachel reached out a hand touched Addison’s still damp cheek gently. Her touch was warm and at that moment in time Addison really didn’t care that her fingertips were stained with marker or that she smelt like crayons and Jell-O. Derek watched her face change, relief, happiness, shock and just a twinge of sadness swept over her features and he watched the moisture well up again.
“Don’t cry. Please Addie, don’t cry.” Rachel whispered and Derek felt a little bit warmer. “When I’m really sad, Daddy always cuddles with me so that I don’t feel so sad. So that I don’t have to be sad by myself. He even lets Coco cuddle too.” she added with a small smile.
Addison closed her eyes and smiled despite herself. Coco was a stuffed animal, a monkey, that Derek and Addison had brought Sarah in the hospital a few hours after Rachel had been born. They had debated whether a gift was necessary for the entire drive from Manhattan to Hartford. In the end Addison won, but by some twisted rule that she hadn’t been privy too, Derek had gotten to choose the animal. The fact that the gift would be a stuffed animal had not even been up for discussion. It was just the constant. Everything else in the equation was a variable. They were people of science. It was a given.
She sighed softly when Derek stepped even closer to her and Rachel’s skinny arm wrapped around her neck, tear spilled from behind her eyelids when she felt her young niece snuggling her face against her neck. Addison brought a hand up and stroked her hair gently, she looked up and met Derek’s eyes, suspiciously bright, she moved even closer to him and she wrapped her other arm around his neck, tilting her head up a little she pressed a soft kiss to his lips. He smiled and carefully adjusted his arms to allow him to wrap one around her waist, hugging her to him. Addison let her head fall onto his shoulder, pressing her face against his neck.
Rachel giggled suddenly and Derek felt Addison’s lips curve into a grin on his skin.
“What’s so funny?” he asked curiously, his voice muffled slightly as he had buried his nose in Addison’s hair.
“You guys are almost as good as cuddling as my dad.” she giggled.
“Wait a minute,” Addison pulled back a little and fixed Rachel with a raised eyebrow and an almost serious expression. “If your you and Derek’s your dad, does that make me Coco?”
Derek and Rachel laughed while Addison pouted at them both.
“Are you calling me a monkey?” she asked incredulously. Derek let Rachel down out of his arms and instructed her to run while he caused a diversion. She took off, giggling and smiling brightly as she darted towards the house.
Addison thrust the pink backpack into his arms and took off after Rachel. She gathered the squealing laughing child in her arms just before she made it inside the house. Derek followed quickly after them and the trio were still laughing at Addison’s pleas to get Derek to stop tickling her in his attempts to rescue Rachel from the big red haired monkey.
Addison and Derek both immediately sobered upon entering the kitchen.
Sarah Shepherd stood there, hands on her hips, her face pinched and tired. Her husband stood beside her, cupping a steaming mug of coffee in his hands, he smiled as his youngest came bounding towards him. Caitlyn sat at the island. Staring unseeingly out the window. Derek instantly reached for Addison’s hand, intertwining their fingers as his older sister glared at him from across the room
.
“You two, have you got some serious explaining to do.”
Rachel giggled, clapping a hand over her mouth she peered over at her mom, she knew that expression, she giggled because she knew that she was still going to get dessert later that evening.
=
Dinner that evening had been an interesting occasion. For the sake of the youngest Shepherd-Hayes, each individual attempted normal conversation.
It was easier for Addison, Derek thought bitterly. She had been born and raised in a family of wasps. They chatted. They avoided deep, meaningful conversations in favour of idle chatter about the state of the neighbours garden or what gown her mother planned on wearing to an upcoming event for one of the many charities they were involved in. Derek chewed silently, watching intently as Addison and his sister discussed something about dogs.
“You have a dog now?” Rachel piped up excitedly, she knocked over the pasta tower she had been busily crafting for the last twenty or so minutes and Derek couldn’t help but smile at the excitement plastered all over her face.
“Yeah, we do. His name’s Doc. You’d like him a lot. He loves going for walks in the woods with me. And, he loves the trailer, too.” Derek shot Addison a meaningful look.
“You live in a trailer?” Julie and Keith, Sarah’s husband, exclaimed suddenly. Their eyes darted from Derek to Addison and back again.
“Where did you get the dog?” Caitlyn asked quietly.
“Derek’s girlfriend gave him to us.” Addison replied dryly, without thinking. Her head snapped up instantly and she was met with Sarah’s glowering eyes.
Derek swallowed and subtly reached for Addison’s hand beneath the table. She jerked her hand out of his grasp and averted her eye’s to Caitlyn.
“May I be excused?” Julie asked cautious, trying to gauge the adult’s moods. Her mother merely nodded, she took her younger sister’s hand and made a motion with her head that implored Rachel to just follow her.
Caitlyn also rose from the table, she gathered her plate and glass in her hand before her mother’s voice stopped her.
“Don’t.”
“Sarah,” Keith said gently, attempting to diffuse the rapidly escalating tension hanging in the room. He stole a glance at his brother-in-law and his wife. Addison was staring blankly at the red wine in front of her while Derek stared miserably at his plate.
“Just, don’t. You do not get to walk away from this. You cannot just pretend none of this happened. It happened and it’s here and now we have to deal with it. You cannot just stop living. You have to deal with this. You have to get through this. YOU HAVE TO AT LEAST TRY!”
Addison startled, looking between her niece and her sister-in-law, her mind scrambled for something, anything to say.
“Sarah.”
“No,” Sarah whispered, she swung her eyes to meet Addison’s, “Jesus Addison, I love you, I do, because you’re practically my sister and my brother loves you, has loved you for as long as I can remember, you are always going to be a part of my family no matter how stupid you act. I needed you, I had no one else to turn to, I didn’t…. I didn’t know what to do. I don’t know how to talk about this, and I know, that I have to but for fuck sake Addison you slapped him across the face.”
Derek winced at her tone, he stole a glance at his wife. Addison merely nodded mutely.
“He hurt her.” she whispered, “He hurt her and she can barely get out of bed in the morning but he’s walking around like nothing has changed. Everything has changed. What he did was wrong. It’s hardly even legal not to mind immoral.”
Keith cut her off with a dry laugh, “Are you really one to be talking about moral behavior Addison?”
“Hey-” Derek cut in quickly.
“Are you?” Keith glared, and Derek fell silent.
The two men and two women sat silently, staring at one another across the expanse of the dining room table.
“I’m right here.” Caitlyn snapped.
Four pairs of eyes turned to look at her.
Addison opened her mouth but Caitlyn held up a hand.
“In the living room. Now.” she whispered fiercely.
Sarah, Keith and Addison rose quickly from their seats. Addison turned and faced her husband as the other three left the room in utter silence.
Derek stood up, pushing his chair under the table he walked slowly towards his wife. Addison looked at her shoes, the clock on the wall, the hands seemed frozen, barely moving at all, she looked anywhere but at her husband’s eyes. She could not take it. She would surely break if she had to look into his eyes one more time and see that look in them. There was a look that he had crafted for when he looked at her, it wasn’t hatred, or disgust, or even an uncomfortable look. It was indifferent. It was cold and it made her want to scream, or cry, but she couldn’t cry because when she cried all she wanted was to have Derek wrap his arms around her and let her bury her head in that crook between his neck and broad shoulder and cry. That was all she wanted.
“Addie..” he reached forward and gently placed his fingers beneath her chin, tilting it upwards so she would look at him.
She gasped, very, very quietly and softly, but still, she gasped, because he was looking at her, at her.
He threaded his fingers through hers and they wordlessly made their way to the formal living room, rarely used and out of hearing range of the upstairs study, were Julie and Rachel were currently cloistered.
=
“I am eighteen years old. I am eighteen.” Caitlyn stated. Her eyes floated around the room. Like a balloon they floated, daring, teasing someone to grab her by the string and pull her back down.
Her father’s voice interrupted the silence. He looked his daughter straight in the eye and Caitlyn was sure that it was the first time he had done so since the shit had hit the almighty fan.
“That does not make it right, Caitlyn.”
She swallowed mutely and sank back down into her chair. Her mother paced, wearing tracks into the expensive rug beneath the coffee table.
“I think…” her aunt began, her voice shaky and her eyes locked on Sarah’s rigid figure. She cleared her throat and exhaled. “I think what Caitlyn is trying to explain to you is that she knows that it was wrong. She knows that what happened… and it did happen, was wrong. But us, Derek and I, getting involved like we did, was wrong. We were wrong.”
Silence.
It surrounded them. Cloaked them in endless questions and thoughts. Their minds were spinning. Racing.
Silence.
“Damn right you were.” he’s standing up and he has such intense anger written all over his face and Sarah cowers. Not much, but she visibly shrinks backwards.
Derek narrowed his eyes and stood, matching his brother-in-law’s height and width. He hears Addison whisper his name softly. He wishes that didn’t have to but he ignored her and took a step toward Keith. Caitlyn watches, horrified, 'oh hell no'.
“Stop it. Right now. Do not take another step, do not breathe another breath or I swear to god I am leaving. I will leave and sign myself to a psychiatric ward somewhere. I will do it. I will run out that door right now if you move one more inch.” Sarah says fiercely.
Four pairs of eyes swing around the room until they settle on the teenage girl who has a vice grip on the side of the couch her father just vacated.
Each and every one of them settles back down, counting to ten silently in their heads before straightening their shoulders and going for it again.
“Why did you call us?” Derek asks firstly and Addison throws her hands in the air in exasperation. If the situation had not been so terribly life altering and horribly avoidable.
“Seriously, Derek? That is what you are asking? That’s your first question.” When her husband can only respond with a feeble, uncertain, irritating bobbing of his head she wants to punch him in the mouth. “Unbelievable.” she shakes her head and brushes off his questioning gaze with a wriggle to her shoulders and body that makes Derek feel like some sort of unpleasant rodent that dared race past her feet. Her hand is a dull thwacking thump between his shoulder blades and he swivels wildly to face her.
“What was that for?”
“For being an emotionally stunted man.” she muttered through tense lips. His eyes linger on her lips for a second and he fights off the intense urge to kiss her senseless. Because he’s pretty damn good at that.
Addison looks at her niece again. She locks eyes with Sarah who is holding an air of utter defeat about her and she so desperately wants to make it better. Her husband’s sister needed him and he flew all the way across the country to be there for her, and Addison knew, she knew, that Derek would not be able to cope with this on his own. He needed his wife there. She was the one person who could even try to understand. She was the only person who had ever even tried. Because she loved him.
She took one quick glance at Sarah and Keith again. Addison had learned in the last year or so that people do not put their entire lives on hold and fly all the way across the country unless there was good reason to do so.
And she flew all the way across the fucking country so she is going to rip the band aid off of this right now and get it over with.
“So, everything, between you and… him, was consensual then?” she asked plainly. She can actually feel the anger radiating from across the room, and it’s directed at her. Keith is fuming. He stands up to leave but the small sob that escapes his daughter’s lips is enough to have him gripped by some indescribably emotion and fall back into his seat.
“Yes.” Caitlynn answers quietly, but honestly. God help her throughout this whole ordeal she has been nothing but honest. So far, she’s six days in and the honesty has been getting her nowhere.
Tears ran down her face in rivers and she could have sworn that there had been a time many many days ago when she had been absolutely certain that she had no more tears left in her. She had no more to give. She had no more to show people. She was completely exposed and vulnerable and she had nothing left in her.
“Why is upsetting so much then Caitlynn? Why? You knew, you knew when you made the decision to sleep with your teacher that it was not going to end well. You knew that. You are smart, and independent, you are extraordinary. How could you not have realised what you were doing? How on earth did you not tell yourself no? I mean.. I understand infatuation, forbidden fruit and the appeal of an older handsome, seemingly perfect man but it went on for months Caitlynn, months.”
Oh shit. A wave of understand passed over both Addison and Derek, who immediately reached for his wife’s hand. She snatched it away and shot him a look.
“Because… I… I love him.”
A glass broke. A heart, a heart that had already been pushed and pulled, filled up to the brim with a hurricane of emotions and then punctured, left to leak and spill and rupture, finally tore in two.
Keith stood, shards of glass from his lap spill to the floor, and neither Derek nor Addison had been aware that drinks had been available because they would most certainly have availed of them.
“Dad.” she whispered but he shook his head, blood staining his left palm and walked out the door in the direction of the kitchen.
Sarah stood, she crossed the room to stand before her daughter and stood before her. A smile is forced onto her face and she exhales shakily through her nose, fighting to keep the tears safely tucked away. Caitlynn’s mouth opened but her mother cut her off, shaking her head sadly. She pressed a gentle kiss to her daughters forehead and smoothed the hair on either side of her face. Caitlynn grabbed her wrists, silently pleading, Sarah hugged her daughter to her for a moment, muffling the sound of her body wracking sobs.
Two sets of annoyingly metaphorically attractive blue eyes only left the floor when the sound of the door closing and signalling Sarah’s exit echoes through the room.
“I didn’t…” Caitlynn trailed off, she brushed angrily at the tears staining her face before continuing, “I didn’t think it could hurt this much. And then, then I saw you two and I thought that I would surely never understand that pain but now. Now, I think I kind of do.” her eyes slip closed and she left herself to fall into an ungraceful heap in the armchair her mother had recently been perched on.
Derek cleared his throat in an attempt to staunch the flow of tears that will begin their descent down his anguished face in any second.
=
Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd.
She stared hard at her reflection in the mirror and repeated the words to herself, again and again and again. Eventually they were rolling from her lips and they were merely sounds. They were no longer words with depth and meaning and memories. Her mouth rounded and narrowed and she made a noise. She whispered fiercely until her own name did not even sound like a word anymore.
Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd.
That was not a woman who had often classified herself as a human wrecking ball. Or an adulteress bitch who couldn’t keep her legs together long enough for her husband to get home so she could yell and scream at him, maybe even launch something hard yet perfect for shattering at his annoying head. The truth was, that one night that he did manage to tear himself away from his preciously damaged and bleeding brains and walked into his bedroom to find his wife in bed with his best friend, had been the first night in close to two months that he had actually come home.
Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd.
She was not the woman who had managed to rip apart not just one family. But two.
Addison gripped the edges of the pristine white sink and forced herself to look at her own reflection. Her nose was red and swollen and runny. Her eyes resembled a panda bear and black rivers flowed down her cheeks, slowing at her chin and jaw line, running again down her neck. She shuddered as her chest constricted and she willed herself not to cry. Not one single tear more.
Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd, collapsed in a silent but utterly desolate heap on the floor of her sister-in-laws bathroom.
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He sat on the other side of the door. His back pressed against the uncomfortable panels and his hands balled into fists at his sides.
He slammed his head back against the door when he heard her whisper it one final time.
She fell to the floor, silent, heart-broken, and he slammed a flattened palm against the door behind his head.
‘This is not the fault of one single person.’
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