44.
i've realized that i put myself last when in reality, i should really put myself first because i should be my main priority. truth be told, though, i don't like myself, never have, and probably never will. so why in god's name would i be so fixated on helping myself first when i could just spare anybody else's feelings except for mine? sure, i do realize that i'm being terribly unfair to myself, but i'm the type of person that simply cannot bear being responsible for making somebody feel bad for their actions. what do i mean by that? if you hurt me, in anyway, i'll most likely tell you it's okay, or find some way to make it my fault. i'll sugarcoat it all to spare you &your feelings. however, this only goes for people i actually care about. if i don't know you, i'll rip you about fifty new assholes in places you didn't even know existed.
oh bah. i really can't stand myself anymore. &to top it off, i'm amazing at killing good fucking moods. sometimes i spare people's feelings far too much that i end up hurting myself. thus, i will cry, get terribly unhappy, and just distance myself away from anybody. &finally when i get over it, people won't want to talk to me, or won't know what to say, and by the time i get them to break out of it, it's too late.
i'm serious. new goals this year, starting next thursday. new school year. new year. new sarah. &maybe, i'll actually start liking myself.
oh bah. i really can't stand myself anymore. &to top it off, i'm amazing at killing good fucking moods. sometimes i spare people's feelings far too much that i end up hurting myself. thus, i will cry, get terribly unhappy, and just distance myself away from anybody. &finally when i get over it, people won't want to talk to me, or won't know what to say, and by the time i get them to break out of it, it's too late.
i'm serious. new goals this year, starting next thursday. new school year. new year. new sarah. &maybe, i'll actually start liking myself.