Prospects [Big Bang Theory - Sheldon gen - G]
Title: Prospects
Fandom: Big Bang Theory
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Sheldon & co. do not belong to me.
Word Count: 1700 Words
Warnings: None
Notes: For sparky77, because she told me I had to. Thanks to llaras for the beta.
Sometimes Sheldon thinks about the future... No, that's inaccurate.
Oftentimes Sheldon thinks about the future; sometimes Sheldon thinks about his future.
The data is available for anyone with even the most rudimentary comprehension of population size, sample sets, and margins of error: it is, by all statistical measures, a likely possibility that Leonard will some day get married.
Now it's possible, and in Sheldon's mind preferable, that geniuses should not be grouped in with the average population - after all, geniuses are by definition above average - but he's unaware of any statistically sound measure of marriage rates among the intellectually gifted. He would assume that it's lower, what with geniuses being more likely to have evolved beyond the need for such trifles - he certainly has. So lower, but how much lower? Leonard is clearly lagging behind Sheldon on innumerable fronts, and this might very well be one domain in which Leonard approaches average. Still, he should look further into any published census data from Mensa or Triple Nine. Well, maybe not Mensa. They let just about anyone in.
But while he calculated the probability of Leonard getting married and at what future point in time said likelihood began to drop until Sheldon could breathe easy and assume with reasonable merit that Leonard would remain a bachelor, Sheldon needed options. Statistics were the most fickle of numbers. Oh, they're handy in a pinch, but they don't rule out the possibility that Leonard could turn around and get married tomorrow. To someone like Leslie Winkle. Or Leslie Winkle herself. And if that happened, Sheldon wanted to have a plan ready to set in motion.
Koothrappali was out. On the surface he seemed to be the ideal candidate, his inability to talk to women making marriage a remote possibility, but he was liable to return to India or worse, take up piracy, at any time. Oh, sure, pirates had won the hearts and minds of America via historically inaccurate and culturally insensitive summer blockbusters, but was a pirate going to remember which night was comic book store night and drive Sheldon there each week? Unlikely. Also, there's the smell to consider when cohabitating with pirates. No, it would never work with Raj.
Wolowitz wasn't going to be any better. Even if he managed to move out of his mother's house, Wolowitz was probably the most likely to marry, given the apparent ease with which mail order brides could be arranged over the internet.
If not them, then who? Penny he'd ruled right out, but maybe he should reconsider. She would sing Soft Kitty for him whenever he was sick and that had to be worth something. He mentally re-tallied Penny's scores in his Roommate Selection Optimization chart, giving her a one time Kitty Bonus of +5 in each of the ten categories. Penny was now in the lead.
Sheldon walked over to her apartment and was pleasantly surprised when she answered the door on the fourth knock - far better than her median response time of late. She invited him in and Sheldon began the Herculean task of focusing solely on Penny and not on the disaster zone that she lived in.
"Would you be my roommate?" Sheldon asked.
"Aw, sweetie, are you and Leonard having a fight?"
"A fight?" Sheldon considered this. "I don't think so. Why, has he said something to you? If we're fighting, I don't think it unreasonable to expect some kind of formal declaration. I mean, how can I be party to a fight if I don't know what the catalyzing event was, or whether we're abiding by the Geneva Convention, or if there's a mutually agreed upon arbitrator, or what terms for a peace treaty might be acceptable, or whether restitution will be owed to the wronged party. And why would he tell you but not me? Are you on his side?"
"Wow. No."
"Oh good," Sheldon sighed in relief. "A neutral party."
"Still no. You're not fighting with Leonard."
"You sure?"
"Pretty sure."
"How sure is 'pretty'?"
'Sheldon..." Penny trailed off then started again. "I was just wondering why you needed a new roommate."
"I don’t."
"Ok."
"I don't need a new roommate now, but I foresee the possibility that I might one day require one."
"Ok."
"And I want to be prepared."
"Ok."
"And I wanted to know your availability."
"Oh, Sheldon, I, uh... Wait. Why might you need a new roommate in the future?"
"Leonard could get married. And while I suppose there's a remote chance that he could wed someone tolerable to me, it's far more likely that I will have no choice but to leave."
"Did Leonard say something about marriage?"
Penny stared at Sheldon. If forced to guess which expression was on her face, Sheldon would go with surprise. Or glee? Cautious glee? Sheldon was never good at guessing.
"Not in so many words, I'm just acknowledging it as a future possibility."
"Marriage." Penny repeated slowly.
"And if I need a new roommate, what is your availability?"
"Wait, Leonard is marrying someone else?"
"Well he's certainly not marrying me!"
"I meant someone else not me." Sheldon was pretty sure this expression was sad.
"Oh, you thought he could marry you?" Sheldon asked. "Oh!" he exclaimed, the epiphany hitting him. "He could marry you! And that wouldn't even be too farfetched since you're already dating. Oh, this throws all my numbers off. I need to go recalculate."
Sheldon left Penny in what he could only assume was her usual state of low-level confusion, and returned to his whiteboard.
Hours later, Sheldon concluded that Penny would be an acceptable mate for Leonard, for him. He could stand remaining Leonard's roommate while he was married to Penny. There would need to be significant amendments to the roommate contract, but Penny was trainable and chocolate was never in short supply.
He found Leonard and Penny curled up on the couch together watching some romantic comedy drivel. Sheldon was unimpressed, but they were managing to stay off of his cushion, so he wasn't going to complain.
He sat down beside them, very politely keeping quiet until the movie reached a sex scene and he knew he wouldn't be interrupting any important plot or dialogue.
"Approximately how long - to at least the nearest month, although day or week would be better - until the two of you decide if and when you will get married?"
Penny slid off Leonard's lap and they adjusted positions until they were no longer touching.
"We're not-" Leonard cut himself off and snuck a peek at Penny. "I mean we don't know- I mean we might? I mean we haven't talked about it. Yet?"
"Well you should," Sheldon said, flashing them what he hoped was an encouraging smile.
"Get married? Or talk about it?"
"Both! Either! I need to figure out the future and whether I should be concerned about the Winkle Factor."
"The Winkle Factor," Leonard repeated, confused.
"Right," Sheldon said, nodding. "And besides, I generally find Penny to be an agreeable presence, and even when she's at her most trying, she's still a known entity. My mother would have me believe that the artificial construct personifying evil that you know is better than the artificial construct personifying evil that you don't."
"Did he just call me the devil?" Penny whispered to Leonard.
"Honestly, I haven't a clue."
"And the only reasonable conclusion to draw from this is that you should get married."
Leonard shook his head and quickly switched from bewilderment to belligerent. "Look, Sheldon, we are not discussing this now, we are not discussing this with you, and we are definitely not discussing this with you now."
Leonard was such a frustrating roommate. Maybe looking for a new one was a good idea regardless of potential marital status.
Sheldon stood up. "Well sorry for caring about the future!" He stalked off to his bedroom and slammed the door.
He crawled into bed and pulled the covers over his head. It was no good. He could still hear their conversation, talking about him. Would they never remember he could hear every word that was said in the living room? Even though he'd both told and shown them numerous times in the past, they insisted on forgetting. Honestly, they were worse than laboratory mice sometimes. Mice could learn.
He climbed back out of bed. Apparently they needed to be told that if they were going to say rude things about him, the polite thing to do would be to take the conversation to Penny's apartment.
Sheldon paused at the door when he heard Penny start to calm Leonard down.
"I think he's just worried you might kick him out if you get married. Who else would he live with?"
"Well he's not going to live with me and my wife."
"We could always get one of those places with an in-law suite. You know, he'd be there, but separate."
"We?"
Leonard's voice sounded squeaky and strangled. Sheldon wondered if he should go make tea. He didn't want Leonard to catch a cold because what if he gave it to Sheldon?
"You. I meant you. You and whoever could get a place with a separate suite for Sheldon."
"We?" Leonard asked again, this time so quiet that Sheldon could barely make it out. Oh, god, what if it was laryngitis?
"Or whoever."
And then there was no more talking. Were they both sick? Sheldon went to investigate and put the kettle on.
He found them once again entwined on the couch. This time strewn out over the entire length, including his cushion.
He certainly hoped that whatever was afflicting Leonard wasn't contagious because Penny was definitely not practicing proper germ-avoidance protocols.
Still, it appeared they had resolved whatever had been wrong when Sheldon talked to them and Leonard was no longer threatening to kick Sheldon out of the apartment that night.
It was a start, at least. They could continue dating and Sheldon could continue living with Leonard and at some not-yet-determined date in the future, Penny might live with them too. He could remind them that he was still waiting on a timeline tomorrow.
Fandom: Big Bang Theory
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Sheldon & co. do not belong to me.
Word Count: 1700 Words
Warnings: None
Notes: For sparky77, because she told me I had to. Thanks to llaras for the beta.
Sometimes Sheldon thinks about the future... No, that's inaccurate.
Oftentimes Sheldon thinks about the future; sometimes Sheldon thinks about his future.
The data is available for anyone with even the most rudimentary comprehension of population size, sample sets, and margins of error: it is, by all statistical measures, a likely possibility that Leonard will some day get married.
Now it's possible, and in Sheldon's mind preferable, that geniuses should not be grouped in with the average population - after all, geniuses are by definition above average - but he's unaware of any statistically sound measure of marriage rates among the intellectually gifted. He would assume that it's lower, what with geniuses being more likely to have evolved beyond the need for such trifles - he certainly has. So lower, but how much lower? Leonard is clearly lagging behind Sheldon on innumerable fronts, and this might very well be one domain in which Leonard approaches average. Still, he should look further into any published census data from Mensa or Triple Nine. Well, maybe not Mensa. They let just about anyone in.
But while he calculated the probability of Leonard getting married and at what future point in time said likelihood began to drop until Sheldon could breathe easy and assume with reasonable merit that Leonard would remain a bachelor, Sheldon needed options. Statistics were the most fickle of numbers. Oh, they're handy in a pinch, but they don't rule out the possibility that Leonard could turn around and get married tomorrow. To someone like Leslie Winkle. Or Leslie Winkle herself. And if that happened, Sheldon wanted to have a plan ready to set in motion.
Koothrappali was out. On the surface he seemed to be the ideal candidate, his inability to talk to women making marriage a remote possibility, but he was liable to return to India or worse, take up piracy, at any time. Oh, sure, pirates had won the hearts and minds of America via historically inaccurate and culturally insensitive summer blockbusters, but was a pirate going to remember which night was comic book store night and drive Sheldon there each week? Unlikely. Also, there's the smell to consider when cohabitating with pirates. No, it would never work with Raj.
Wolowitz wasn't going to be any better. Even if he managed to move out of his mother's house, Wolowitz was probably the most likely to marry, given the apparent ease with which mail order brides could be arranged over the internet.
If not them, then who? Penny he'd ruled right out, but maybe he should reconsider. She would sing Soft Kitty for him whenever he was sick and that had to be worth something. He mentally re-tallied Penny's scores in his Roommate Selection Optimization chart, giving her a one time Kitty Bonus of +5 in each of the ten categories. Penny was now in the lead.
Sheldon walked over to her apartment and was pleasantly surprised when she answered the door on the fourth knock - far better than her median response time of late. She invited him in and Sheldon began the Herculean task of focusing solely on Penny and not on the disaster zone that she lived in.
"Would you be my roommate?" Sheldon asked.
"Aw, sweetie, are you and Leonard having a fight?"
"A fight?" Sheldon considered this. "I don't think so. Why, has he said something to you? If we're fighting, I don't think it unreasonable to expect some kind of formal declaration. I mean, how can I be party to a fight if I don't know what the catalyzing event was, or whether we're abiding by the Geneva Convention, or if there's a mutually agreed upon arbitrator, or what terms for a peace treaty might be acceptable, or whether restitution will be owed to the wronged party. And why would he tell you but not me? Are you on his side?"
"Wow. No."
"Oh good," Sheldon sighed in relief. "A neutral party."
"Still no. You're not fighting with Leonard."
"You sure?"
"Pretty sure."
"How sure is 'pretty'?"
'Sheldon..." Penny trailed off then started again. "I was just wondering why you needed a new roommate."
"I don’t."
"Ok."
"I don't need a new roommate now, but I foresee the possibility that I might one day require one."
"Ok."
"And I want to be prepared."
"Ok."
"And I wanted to know your availability."
"Oh, Sheldon, I, uh... Wait. Why might you need a new roommate in the future?"
"Leonard could get married. And while I suppose there's a remote chance that he could wed someone tolerable to me, it's far more likely that I will have no choice but to leave."
"Did Leonard say something about marriage?"
Penny stared at Sheldon. If forced to guess which expression was on her face, Sheldon would go with surprise. Or glee? Cautious glee? Sheldon was never good at guessing.
"Not in so many words, I'm just acknowledging it as a future possibility."
"Marriage." Penny repeated slowly.
"And if I need a new roommate, what is your availability?"
"Wait, Leonard is marrying someone else?"
"Well he's certainly not marrying me!"
"I meant someone else not me." Sheldon was pretty sure this expression was sad.
"Oh, you thought he could marry you?" Sheldon asked. "Oh!" he exclaimed, the epiphany hitting him. "He could marry you! And that wouldn't even be too farfetched since you're already dating. Oh, this throws all my numbers off. I need to go recalculate."
Sheldon left Penny in what he could only assume was her usual state of low-level confusion, and returned to his whiteboard.
Hours later, Sheldon concluded that Penny would be an acceptable mate for Leonard, for him. He could stand remaining Leonard's roommate while he was married to Penny. There would need to be significant amendments to the roommate contract, but Penny was trainable and chocolate was never in short supply.
He found Leonard and Penny curled up on the couch together watching some romantic comedy drivel. Sheldon was unimpressed, but they were managing to stay off of his cushion, so he wasn't going to complain.
He sat down beside them, very politely keeping quiet until the movie reached a sex scene and he knew he wouldn't be interrupting any important plot or dialogue.
"Approximately how long - to at least the nearest month, although day or week would be better - until the two of you decide if and when you will get married?"
Penny slid off Leonard's lap and they adjusted positions until they were no longer touching.
"We're not-" Leonard cut himself off and snuck a peek at Penny. "I mean we don't know- I mean we might? I mean we haven't talked about it. Yet?"
"Well you should," Sheldon said, flashing them what he hoped was an encouraging smile.
"Get married? Or talk about it?"
"Both! Either! I need to figure out the future and whether I should be concerned about the Winkle Factor."
"The Winkle Factor," Leonard repeated, confused.
"Right," Sheldon said, nodding. "And besides, I generally find Penny to be an agreeable presence, and even when she's at her most trying, she's still a known entity. My mother would have me believe that the artificial construct personifying evil that you know is better than the artificial construct personifying evil that you don't."
"Did he just call me the devil?" Penny whispered to Leonard.
"Honestly, I haven't a clue."
"And the only reasonable conclusion to draw from this is that you should get married."
Leonard shook his head and quickly switched from bewilderment to belligerent. "Look, Sheldon, we are not discussing this now, we are not discussing this with you, and we are definitely not discussing this with you now."
Leonard was such a frustrating roommate. Maybe looking for a new one was a good idea regardless of potential marital status.
Sheldon stood up. "Well sorry for caring about the future!" He stalked off to his bedroom and slammed the door.
He crawled into bed and pulled the covers over his head. It was no good. He could still hear their conversation, talking about him. Would they never remember he could hear every word that was said in the living room? Even though he'd both told and shown them numerous times in the past, they insisted on forgetting. Honestly, they were worse than laboratory mice sometimes. Mice could learn.
He climbed back out of bed. Apparently they needed to be told that if they were going to say rude things about him, the polite thing to do would be to take the conversation to Penny's apartment.
Sheldon paused at the door when he heard Penny start to calm Leonard down.
"I think he's just worried you might kick him out if you get married. Who else would he live with?"
"Well he's not going to live with me and my wife."
"We could always get one of those places with an in-law suite. You know, he'd be there, but separate."
"We?"
Leonard's voice sounded squeaky and strangled. Sheldon wondered if he should go make tea. He didn't want Leonard to catch a cold because what if he gave it to Sheldon?
"You. I meant you. You and whoever could get a place with a separate suite for Sheldon."
"We?" Leonard asked again, this time so quiet that Sheldon could barely make it out. Oh, god, what if it was laryngitis?
"Or whoever."
And then there was no more talking. Were they both sick? Sheldon went to investigate and put the kettle on.
He found them once again entwined on the couch. This time strewn out over the entire length, including his cushion.
He certainly hoped that whatever was afflicting Leonard wasn't contagious because Penny was definitely not practicing proper germ-avoidance protocols.
Still, it appeared they had resolved whatever had been wrong when Sheldon talked to them and Leonard was no longer threatening to kick Sheldon out of the apartment that night.
It was a start, at least. They could continue dating and Sheldon could continue living with Leonard and at some not-yet-determined date in the future, Penny might live with them too. He could remind them that he was still waiting on a timeline tomorrow.