I"m doing my best but no one sees it
i've grown tired of this journal.. i don't know why i think its just because i'm sad.. i've been sad for the past few weeks now but i've hidden it as always behind big smiles and goodbyes...
Thursday is graduation and i'm not graduating.. thats perhaps the most depressing thing i've ever had to deal with so far...
and although the actually graduation part doesn't bother me its just the fact that i'm not getting a dipolma... and i now have to work twice as hard to do something that could of been so easy..
no one seems to understand and the people that said they were in the same boat as me were actually never even in the same ocean.. i'm over here in the damn atlantic and these bitches are in the pacific.. but whatever.. they all say oh don't worry highschool is only a phase its not ur life.. but the truth is its the beginning of ur life and i can't start my life until i've finished highschool .. working at vons only seems to make me more depressed because sometimes when no one is in line i sit there and think that i could be doing this for the rest of my life because i was to stupid to just do my work when i should of.. because for the longest time i just took the easy way out.. now i have to do ALL the work by myself..
this past Friday i got off of work and was actually having a good night.. my mom was out to dinner my dad was at work my boyfriend had just left and was going to come back later.. and then to ruine it all my dad calls and tells me not to speak about school to anyone because i'm an embarrassment.. and despite what everyone believes and even myself.. my fathers words have a profound affect on me.. and those words crushed me.. i really don't think i'll ever recover from the wounds that have been left on my heart my the male sex.. slowly some of the exterior scars are fading but inside it still hurts..and i always have to try and be the stronger one for everyone else.. but now i'm done..
today all the other seniors went to get there caps and gowns.. i wasn't one of them.. it didn't make me feel sad so much as just pissed off because i know that i'm smart and that i could of been one of those students.. and i'm not..
i will never see those kids again in my life..
and thats fine with me.. they didn't do anything for me in the past 7 years i was @ LACES .. and they won't do anything for me later in life..
i'm alone once again... doing being my only support wagon and being the only one to get me through shit..
some people are there kai.. chiara.. amy.. etc.. but anyone else is just concerned for themselves and being at laces has really only taught me not to trust people which is not what the "high school experience" should be.. but that was mine..
and now i have to find a way to get a dipolma and move out..
because my house is slowly suffercating me with dissappointment...
i'm going to bed now...
thats all i can say..
everything else just makes me even more sad..
but not this
THE LAKERS LOST!!
sincerely
Renee jean claybion
Thursday is graduation and i'm not graduating.. thats perhaps the most depressing thing i've ever had to deal with so far...
and although the actually graduation part doesn't bother me its just the fact that i'm not getting a dipolma... and i now have to work twice as hard to do something that could of been so easy..
no one seems to understand and the people that said they were in the same boat as me were actually never even in the same ocean.. i'm over here in the damn atlantic and these bitches are in the pacific.. but whatever.. they all say oh don't worry highschool is only a phase its not ur life.. but the truth is its the beginning of ur life and i can't start my life until i've finished highschool .. working at vons only seems to make me more depressed because sometimes when no one is in line i sit there and think that i could be doing this for the rest of my life because i was to stupid to just do my work when i should of.. because for the longest time i just took the easy way out.. now i have to do ALL the work by myself..
this past Friday i got off of work and was actually having a good night.. my mom was out to dinner my dad was at work my boyfriend had just left and was going to come back later.. and then to ruine it all my dad calls and tells me not to speak about school to anyone because i'm an embarrassment.. and despite what everyone believes and even myself.. my fathers words have a profound affect on me.. and those words crushed me.. i really don't think i'll ever recover from the wounds that have been left on my heart my the male sex.. slowly some of the exterior scars are fading but inside it still hurts..and i always have to try and be the stronger one for everyone else.. but now i'm done..
today all the other seniors went to get there caps and gowns.. i wasn't one of them.. it didn't make me feel sad so much as just pissed off because i know that i'm smart and that i could of been one of those students.. and i'm not..
i will never see those kids again in my life..
and thats fine with me.. they didn't do anything for me in the past 7 years i was @ LACES .. and they won't do anything for me later in life..
i'm alone once again... doing being my only support wagon and being the only one to get me through shit..
some people are there kai.. chiara.. amy.. etc.. but anyone else is just concerned for themselves and being at laces has really only taught me not to trust people which is not what the "high school experience" should be.. but that was mine..
and now i have to find a way to get a dipolma and move out..
because my house is slowly suffercating me with dissappointment...
i'm going to bed now...
thats all i can say..
everything else just makes me even more sad..
but not this
THE LAKERS LOST!!
sincerely
Renee jean claybion