they'll never hurt you like i do
this weekend has been ok. i didnt do anything worth repeating. ive just been laying on my bed all weekend moping around. thinking about how things could've been had i done things differently. or had i done nothing at all. ive fallen so hard so many times. first it was peter. i sacrificed everything and came out with nothing. i got selfish. i cheated. i lied. that just wasnt me. then it was billy. he lied. he cheated. i cant believe how much shit that boy put me through. he stood me up. he lied to me several times. i dont know why. and what hurts the most is, he doesnt care. the only thing he said to me the last time we talked was "keep me in mind". what kind of bullshit is that? i feel like he just threw me off a cliff and tied me to a string. hes left me hanging since then, trying to anticipate whats going to happen. im trying to move. its just everything reminds me of all my screw ups. every song reminds me of a scene of my life. every conversation is deja vue. everything brings me back to the beginning, no matter what road i take and which way i turn. i feel like going for a long drive! i havent done that since thomas died. oh yeah, its almost been 2 whole years since that happend. he was a great guy. a little mis-guided but who isnt at our age? he would've done great things had he the chance. i wonder if hes looking down at our little part of the world. if he can see us from where hes at. a little guidance would be nice. but hey, if thats askin too much thats cool. i really want to start going back to church. i used to feel so good after church. like i had a purpose and a direction.
Peace Out
Peace Out