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[quicksand_]

i'm writing a lot lately-- just not what i want, how i want. i always figured this would happen in college, but there are good things, too. i'm thinking more about plots and how characters develop and i think i'm getting better-- i think maybe, i understand a little bit more. it's just harder, now, because what if i can't make it come from that

Comments

[quicksand_]

Yeah, I get a little too verbose sometimes. It's just that when I write it's like I can see everything; it plays like a movie in my head, and I'm trying to show the story that way-- every detail. I think I'll just comb through and take out the more awkward ones-- like 'cascade of fiery hair masking her face.' This is also where he sees that she's blind-- which, you know how sometimes blind people have cloudy eyes? Like, their pupils are milky, instead of black? Well, that's how he can tell she's blind-- no color. But maybe that wasn't communicated clearly enough?

I like the idea of Death as an indirect character. I kindof see him as a man with a sense of humor, and yet he's also aware of propriety and sentimentality. I mean, in that line of work, you would kindof half to-- taking yourself too seriously would be tormenting. I'll go through and capitalize appropriately.

"It was cold and brilliant like it's master." Meaning, the land was cold and brilliant just like the king. I hate possessive its. Is it "its" or "it's" or "its'" when it is possessive? Grammar, kill me now.

I felt badly killing off the king when he'd finally found love. Do you think the death scene is convincing? Is it plausible? I just feel like it played out too fast. I suppose in a short story, things have to rush; it's allowed and accepted. But, I don't know. I can't say what feels off about it.

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Thank you so much for actually reading over this. I appreciate constructive criticism like I appreciate sleeping in on Sundays. That is to say: So. Much. I've noticed that even though it's harder to write, I can see things more clearly. I feel like when I finally sit down for that novel, it will be right, you know? xx

[taintedsky]

haha, oh grammar! Yeah, I wondered if you meant the posessive, which would be its.

Your (indirect) character of Death is really rather wonderful because he is who he is and the sense of humour just makes him so interesting.

I think the death scene is convincing because of the type of story this is. I read it sort of as a grimms-type story, though a part of me wanted it to be more of a fairy tale because i'm a sappy little girl like that. Maybe, if possible, you could expand a little more in that short paragraph? Not quite sure what to say for this.