jeux d'enfants

[quicklyfading]

i have never lost someone close to me before, but i imagine that this is somewhat how it feels. perhaps my sleep deprivation and other rediculous variables are causing me to take this dramatically in nature.....but i honestly do feel that for the moment i am feeling what it feels like to lose someone you love very much. i wonder how i find myself here again, infront of this stupid computer on this stupid website with my STUPID fucking picture staring at me, as i sit lamenting over my many misfortunes. I often try to articulate how i feel on this e-popularity contest/vanity circus...usually i end up deleting it in hopes of keeping my insides from being exposed. this course of events has left me absolutely and totally vulnerable to total destruction. i am one. one of millions, and i am alone. theoretically everyone is, but now i feel it. whatever, what can you do....you can get over it or stay under it, and i always liked being on top better. in conclusion, let it be known that i am utterly heart broken and i feel like my body is heavy and sitting on top of a cold fire, and i cant feel it bc i am biting my lip so hard to keep from choking on my own pathetic sadness. never waste your time on caring about a person who doesnt believe in truth or memory. they will lie to you and forget you.

i will never forget you.
it isnt actually physically possible now is it.
watch my magic show.