prabir
The Abandoned newborn
1st July 2008, Tuesday - I woke up and decided to finally do it. I had a long discussion with Manoj - he was clear in his mind. ‘I am not responsible for this newborn, it is your baby, and you find the solution’. I was ready for the inevitable. I would not allow my motherly instincts to take charge of my determination. It would be tough and painful but there was no alternative. Abandoning a newborn is a crime. Once I completed the mission, I would be branded a criminal. But, when the nuisance value overtakes the usefulness value, one had to be practical - sentiments had to go for a toss. I had to, of course, be careful that the fingers of suspicion did not point towards me. That would be suicidal. I would leave early, throw it in the garbage heap on my way to the hospital and hope some kind soul found it before the stray dogs did.
10th July 2008, Thursday - over the last ten days, I had got accustomed to the absence. The emptiness was disturbing; it created ripples of anxiety, not waves. At times, I chided myself - I need not have been so merciless. I could have explored alternatives like adjusting with one of my friends. Friends after all should be of use at times of crisis and this certainly qualified as one. With me away at work and a newborn in the flat, it certainly was a crisis. I consoled myself that, under the given circumstances, there was no better option.
30th July 2008, Wednesday - the guilt feeling was gradually wearing off. I was happy that I had mustered the courage to take the extreme step. As a nurse, I had experience in handling newborns - but, till now, there had never been any occasion to discard one in the garbage dump. I had heard stories about others who had done it and had shuddered at the thought of how one could be so cruel - but then, I myself had done it now.
31st July 2008, Thursday - I came home late from work. I was tired. The cab that I had taken was a share-cab; it did not come up to my house but dropped me at the crossing. I had to walk the remaining distance in the rain and was drenched. As I was searching in my handbag for the keys, I heard a distinct meow and realized that getting rid of a new born kitten is never easy.
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1st July 2008, Tuesday - I woke up and decided to finally do it. I had a long discussion with Manoj - he was clear in his mind. ‘I am not responsible for this newborn, it is your baby, and you find the solution’. I was ready for the inevitable. I would not allow my motherly instincts to take charge of my determination. It would be tough and painful but there was no alternative. Abandoning a newborn is a crime. Once I completed the mission, I would be branded a criminal. But, when the nuisance value overtakes the usefulness value, one had to be practical - sentiments had to go for a toss. I had to, of course, be careful that the fingers of suspicion did not point towards me. That would be suicidal. I would leave early, throw it in the garbage heap on my way to the hospital and hope some kind soul found it before the stray dogs did.
10th July 2008, Thursday - over the last ten days, I had got accustomed to the absence. The emptiness was disturbing; it created ripples of anxiety, not waves. At times, I chided myself - I need not have been so merciless. I could have explored alternatives like adjusting with one of my friends. Friends after all should be of use at times of crisis and this certainly qualified as one. With me away at work and a newborn in the flat, it certainly was a crisis. I consoled myself that, under the given circumstances, there was no better option.
30th July 2008, Wednesday - the guilt feeling was gradually wearing off. I was happy that I had mustered the courage to take the extreme step. As a nurse, I had experience in handling newborns - but, till now, there had never been any occasion to discard one in the garbage dump. I had heard stories about others who had done it and had shuddered at the thought of how one could be so cruel - but then, I myself had done it now.
31st July 2008, Thursday - I came home late from work. I was tired. The cab that I had taken was a share-cab; it did not come up to my house but dropped me at the crossing. I had to walk the remaining distance in the rain and was drenched. As I was searching in my handbag for the keys, I heard a distinct meow and realized that getting rid of a new born kitten is never easy.
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