HISHE: Man of Steel
(in my head, this version of General Zod is older, has more perspective, and is played by George Takei.)
EARTH: (totally wigs out) "ZOMG Alien Spaceship!"
Alien Spaceship: "Hi, we're from Krypton, can we borrow a cup of Alien-who's-hiding-amongst-you?"
Earth: "Uhhhhhhhh, sure?"
[SCENE: On board alien spaceship]
Zod: "Hi, kid. this is probably a shock to you, but you're not from around here. Also, could we look at your DNA? Only we'd like to rebuild our planet, since it totally went to shit, and I'm genetically programmed to preserve it."
Clark: "Uh, sure...will it hurt?"
Zod: "Nah. A drop from that nosebleed you're having oughta do it. Thanks."
[SCENE: Hovering over Metropolis]
Zod's Spaceship: "Attention, People of Earth. Are you using that second planet from your sun? Because we'd like to make it more like home, if you don't mind."
Earth: "Uh, Venus? Several hundred degrees, atmosphere of crap, constant acid rain...nah, knock yourselves out."
Spaceship: "Sounds pretty much like home! Okay, cool." [terraforms Venus]
[SOME TIME LATER]
Spaceship: "Hi, we're back. Thanks for the planet. We really think you should knock off all this dependence on fossil fuels and the like. Mind if we set you up an orbital solar array? Now that we're all super-powered, it should take us about three minutes."
Earth: "Errrr..."
Spacehip: "Okay, done! And you're welcome."
EARTH: (totally wigs out) "ZOMG Alien Spaceship!"
Alien Spaceship: "Hi, we're from Krypton, can we borrow a cup of Alien-who's-hiding-amongst-you?"
Earth: "Uhhhhhhhh, sure?"
[SCENE: On board alien spaceship]
Zod: "Hi, kid. this is probably a shock to you, but you're not from around here. Also, could we look at your DNA? Only we'd like to rebuild our planet, since it totally went to shit, and I'm genetically programmed to preserve it."
Clark: "Uh, sure...will it hurt?"
Zod: "Nah. A drop from that nosebleed you're having oughta do it. Thanks."
[SCENE: Hovering over Metropolis]
Zod's Spaceship: "Attention, People of Earth. Are you using that second planet from your sun? Because we'd like to make it more like home, if you don't mind."
Earth: "Uh, Venus? Several hundred degrees, atmosphere of crap, constant acid rain...nah, knock yourselves out."
Spaceship: "Sounds pretty much like home! Okay, cool." [terraforms Venus]
[SOME TIME LATER]
Spaceship: "Hi, we're back. Thanks for the planet. We really think you should knock off all this dependence on fossil fuels and the like. Mind if we set you up an orbital solar array? Now that we're all super-powered, it should take us about three minutes."
Earth: "Errrr..."
Spacehip: "Okay, done! And you're welcome."