Sorry if this seems conceited or anything like that, but I need to get it out.
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that everything I say or do is just another crack in the glacier and my life is going to come crashing down around me.
Last year I was venting to one of my friends, who I think must have been having a bad day and had said, "I just can't deal with your issues right now." Ever since that was said to me, I'm terrified that all I ever do is talk about myself and complain about everything and that all of my friends, not just that one, are going to realize, "Wow, she's really annoying. Why the hell am I friends with her?" I've jokingly asked a few people that and they'll give me an honest answer, which is always comforting. I guess I've developed some sort of complex or something (I don't know what to call it). I'm so scared that people only hang out with me because they feel sorry for me, or that they genuinely wanted to at first and now are just too afraid to hurt my feelings to walk out on me. What's really stupid is that I know that's not true, but I can't get over it anyway, and that just makes it worse. I know I'm wrong, but I can't seem to kick the notion.
Then there's this wonderful guy in my life who swears he has no intention of leaving me, yet I can't help but worry he's going to leave me in the dust. I've been hurt so many times, and each time it was my own damn fault...I don't want to hurt again (although that's probably inevitable with my luck). It's true that I broke up with my first (and only, really) boyfriend, but I realize now that I caused the reason for the breakup. He rarely answered or returned my calls, and rarely called me himself; I usually called him. I can see now that I called him too often and he must have felt suffocated, so once again: my own damn fault. I'm sorry if this seems really self-centered and such, but I'm so scared to actually talk about these things with my friends because it seriously sounds like I'm trawling for pity/compliments/what-have-you, and I know that.
Alright screw it, I'm just going to vent about several random (or not-so random) things:
-I'm tired of second-guessing myself and never feeling sure about anything
-I hate that it looks like I don't trust my friends when I say things like this, but I can't seem to get rid of these stupid thoughts and stupid fears
-I feel like I'm losing the faith I've known all my life
-I'm terrified I'll never be truly happy
....and that's it, I'm done for now. I know this is lame and stupid but I needed to talk about it somehow.
I'm afraid that everything I say or do is just another crack in the glacier and my life is going to come crashing down around me.
Last year I was venting to one of my friends, who I think must have been having a bad day and had said, "I just can't deal with your issues right now." Ever since that was said to me, I'm terrified that all I ever do is talk about myself and complain about everything and that all of my friends, not just that one, are going to realize, "Wow, she's really annoying. Why the hell am I friends with her?" I've jokingly asked a few people that and they'll give me an honest answer, which is always comforting. I guess I've developed some sort of complex or something (I don't know what to call it). I'm so scared that people only hang out with me because they feel sorry for me, or that they genuinely wanted to at first and now are just too afraid to hurt my feelings to walk out on me. What's really stupid is that I know that's not true, but I can't get over it anyway, and that just makes it worse. I know I'm wrong, but I can't seem to kick the notion.
Then there's this wonderful guy in my life who swears he has no intention of leaving me, yet I can't help but worry he's going to leave me in the dust. I've been hurt so many times, and each time it was my own damn fault...I don't want to hurt again (although that's probably inevitable with my luck). It's true that I broke up with my first (and only, really) boyfriend, but I realize now that I caused the reason for the breakup. He rarely answered or returned my calls, and rarely called me himself; I usually called him. I can see now that I called him too often and he must have felt suffocated, so once again: my own damn fault. I'm sorry if this seems really self-centered and such, but I'm so scared to actually talk about these things with my friends because it seriously sounds like I'm trawling for pity/compliments/what-have-you, and I know that.
Alright screw it, I'm just going to vent about several random (or not-so random) things:
-I'm tired of second-guessing myself and never feeling sure about anything
-I hate that it looks like I don't trust my friends when I say things like this, but I can't seem to get rid of these stupid thoughts and stupid fears
-I feel like I'm losing the faith I've known all my life
-I'm terrified I'll never be truly happy
....and that's it, I'm done for now. I know this is lame and stupid but I needed to talk about it somehow.