in which Sarah doesn't make any sense
I really hope I didn't incriminate myself on the phone tonight. That I didn't predict the future by speaking what it is I'm feeling to someone who isn't either you or I, and therefore potentially cementing my bias already.
But, truthfully, I don't feel like I'm being impacted anymore. And it isn't fair that I haven't been around or available to you for a length of time for you to actually be ABLE to impact me [also true]. But that time is over, and here we are, and yet, you're not there. Well, no, you are -- to say you're unavailable or uninterested would be, i think, incorrect. But there's a lackluster about what I see of myself in you anymore.
I'm clinging to a few things, right now. A few rays of hope, when it comes to this.
Perhaps it's that I've changed -- grown -- this summer, and it has to sink in to those who are closest to me. After all, if I believe that I am who I am because you are who you are and we impact each other, than, I need to wait for my new "am" to impact your "are" before your "are" will contribute to my "am" again. It sounds so formulaic, but it's a progressive effort with no time length.
Perhaps it's that I don't always do well during times of transition and new beginnings, and this is affecting me more than you realize, and therefore affecting us. Miscommunication, at best, I suppose?
I'm still trying to decide if I am needy or demanding, and this has been a personal flaw of mine that has become heightened in your awareness of me, just as your flaws have become more visible in my perspective.
Personal change is a good thing; not to be used as an ultimatum, but as a way to progress a relationship. But it cannot be forced from one person to the other. The situation does become tricky when one person is ready for change or has changed and the other clings to their comfort zones. I've been in both of those roles many times before; some friendships have survived stronger than others.
There are, of course, other outside influences on all of this as well. The timing of certain restrictions being lifted in a short amount [comparably] of time; the reminder of other really great friendships that seem to boomerang just when I least expected but often most needed them to; the support that you give seems more and more shallow -- you are owning or claiming any of it for yourself, except to support me, which seems backwardly selfish.
None of this makes any sense.
But, truthfully, I don't feel like I'm being impacted anymore. And it isn't fair that I haven't been around or available to you for a length of time for you to actually be ABLE to impact me [also true]. But that time is over, and here we are, and yet, you're not there. Well, no, you are -- to say you're unavailable or uninterested would be, i think, incorrect. But there's a lackluster about what I see of myself in you anymore.
I'm clinging to a few things, right now. A few rays of hope, when it comes to this.
Perhaps it's that I've changed -- grown -- this summer, and it has to sink in to those who are closest to me. After all, if I believe that I am who I am because you are who you are and we impact each other, than, I need to wait for my new "am" to impact your "are" before your "are" will contribute to my "am" again. It sounds so formulaic, but it's a progressive effort with no time length.
Perhaps it's that I don't always do well during times of transition and new beginnings, and this is affecting me more than you realize, and therefore affecting us. Miscommunication, at best, I suppose?
I'm still trying to decide if I am needy or demanding, and this has been a personal flaw of mine that has become heightened in your awareness of me, just as your flaws have become more visible in my perspective.
Personal change is a good thing; not to be used as an ultimatum, but as a way to progress a relationship. But it cannot be forced from one person to the other. The situation does become tricky when one person is ready for change or has changed and the other clings to their comfort zones. I've been in both of those roles many times before; some friendships have survived stronger than others.
There are, of course, other outside influences on all of this as well. The timing of certain restrictions being lifted in a short amount [comparably] of time; the reminder of other really great friendships that seem to boomerang just when I least expected but often most needed them to; the support that you give seems more and more shallow -- you are owning or claiming any of it for yourself, except to support me, which seems backwardly selfish.
None of this makes any sense.