(no subject)
copied from myspace...because I don't have much else to say...
I have seen the pyramids. I have been sucked dry by the desert wind, my skin flaking off in the Sahara's morning breath. I've seen wild camels. I have walked in a sea of soft white sand that burned in the wind, and sipped mint tea under palm trees to the music of petulant donkeys.
where is my mind tonight? far away in the past.
I've been thinking too much. it leads to torpor. none the less...it's lead to a few ideas too. here is at least a little of what I've had on my mind:
life is not neither best lived by only being, nor by only doing.
It is the fluctuation between these that creates a whole life. and to that effect a certain responsibility is proscribed; be responsible for your self. not yourself, your self. take responsibility for the wholeness of your thoughts and actions. take it upon yourself to become who and what you are...and to build the framework of morals that guide you to it.
It is in the oscillation between fire and ice that we must thrive. you can't blame your past for the trials of the present, we create each moment by the choices we've made in the moment before. so it is only ourselves we have to look to. doing nothing is still a choice. happiness? it is not found, it's created.
There is a dividing line between child and adult mentality. childhood can shape the adult...but the state of being an adult can also transcend that shaping.
being a child is to exist in a state of reaction, refection, and absorption. it is a state of learning (not to say adults don't learn...it's a different type and method...not fundamental in most cases)
In being an adult you are no longer helpless to circumstances of birth...status, familial bonds, financial gain or loss...all of those things you are powerless to effect (or even know can be effected) as a child. as an adult though, these things you can create for yourself. you move from a state of reaction to one of action; one of creation.
the dividing line is the single realization of, and commitment to, the fact that you now create the life you live. it's yours to choose how, yours to define what is a right way of living, which guidelines lead you to higher (or better) levels of wholeness...completeness? centered life...what you will not accept, and what you will compromise.
some people fit well with what they've been taught as children. some do not some struggle in areas others find simple. some people seem to never reach this realization, or even need to. for others it's a vital part of their well being. neither is essentially a better path, we all have our own life.
to me life is about pleasure, not the hedonistic asphyxiation of the soul, but the joy that comes from adventure and wonder. a delight in the unknown and the satisfaction of finding new knowledge and aptitude
I don't have a firm moral structure, there are wrongs, there are rights of course...and excluding those things which any sane person believes are evil or simply wrong...I often don't pay attention until faced with the need to determine which is which...and I end up contradicting myself often.
I'm intelligent, but I don't function at a high intellectual level. I use big words, that's all. I read a lot, I recycle ideas until my own are more of a Mary Shelly creation than any natural born revelation. patchwork genius, if I were a little bit smarter.
these are some of the things by which I define myself to myself. I am uncomfortable with other people's labels, negative or positive. I prefer to chose who I believe myself to be, rather than be told. ~ my fire.
I slip, I stumble, I fall. There are times when I can't hold myself up well, times when I am less then I want to be, times when I'm self destructive and apathetic. indecisive times, periods of depression, bouts of escapism. I am often weak, often lazy. I struggle between idea/ideal and action; it's a fine thing to believe in something, but sometimes hard to act upon that belief. I over analyze. and I'm sometimes very self centered. ~ my ice
What is all this about anyway? this big long rambling thing about the ideal of self responsibility...the ideal of creating ideals? equilibrium. resiliency. love. perspective. forgiveness.
today I was emotionally relaxed. calm, alert, positive. I feel I'm returning to who I want to be, rather than the nervous wreck I was becoming. nothing but my view has changed...accordingly everything has changed.
there was much I had to settle with my family. much more with myself.
so...that leaves me empty as a husk. a fruitful empty. and that's quite a lot more thinking about myself than I want to do for a long while yet. thus...the rest of this delightful brew from my friend of like mind and belief...and then sleep. I am looking forward to tomorrow...I've a lot to do.