Goddamnit
Why is it, the ONLY (well, ONE Of the only times) time I ask ppl for moral support on smething, EVERYONE is busy? I had a HORRIBLE day at school, Im tired, and I had to do an awful oral pres, spend the WHOLE day running around doing stupid errands for this impromteau dinner thing for my grammas bday (who i love and who HATES this idea)< and ALL i wanted was ONE person to come and keep me company, because, a lot of these people know whats going on with my dad, and besides they all sort of torture me about a) that im unmarried and b) the guys I date, and so i really wanted someone to just stay with me, and fly with me, so I could have an excuse to bugger off and hang out after the food.. i called like 4 people, and no one could spare like two hours for dinner.. im soo pissed off. i dont expect people to drop EVERYTHING to cater to me, but once, id like people to make the effort for me tha ti feel i make for them. Goddamnit.. lately i jsut feel like everyone is taking advantage of me, and my good nature, and honesly, i dont think im wrong, becase several other people have agreed with me on the conduct of the peopel i feel are disrespecting me. If its not work, its school group members, if its not them, its profs, if it snot them, its my parents, and if its not them, its other people.. what is fucking WORSE is that my parents heard me tryign to get someone to come, and my dad was LIVID that not ONE of them could make the time for me. He couldn't beleive soem of the excuses he got (well, he heard), and then proceeded to give me shit, on a monumental level about my friends (Duchess, you got the only gudging forgiveness- he decided school was a worthy option. Consider yourself blessed), the ppl i date (yay, history lesson), and my general hobbies. Honestly. I'm so pissed I almost.. well.. anyways.. no point in being reactive.. nothing good comes from that.. i could cry.. and im wearing makeup, and if i cry, people coming to dinner will know, and will gossip EVEN MORE than they already are now.. ugh... dinner the other night was a BAD idea...And, honestly, I cant even be mad at my dad; lately it just feels like im carrying people (in one way or another), and while I normally dont mind doing that (it tends to come with the terriroty of being Human), people' s lack of respect (and yay, stumpy I mean tim here, too. Im not going with you AGAIN to see him,. he can kiss my ass) or perceived respect is just starting to get to me...last time i was this mad, we saw the x'ing out of TONS of people out of my life: Cory, Lise, Darryl, Danielle, Melissa, Katrina, the other Melissa, Britney, Doug, et cetera... they all went out in a cloud of smoke after i hit the point. Ladies and gentlemen, this is it. this is the end of the fucking road. I've had enough. Im not happy, but its about time i did something about it... but as TheDuchess always says.. i have two options.. i can sit and wiat for shit to hit the fan (the days grow longer, and we ALL know what that means), and it WILL, or I can do something about it, and this is step one....