(no subject)
in spite of a lot of things, i've come to enjoy this part of my life. parts for me have always been according to major events...and usually people. weird how that is, but people coming into my life and then leaving are usaully really monumental in my mind, even if no one else seems to notice it. i never really thought that this part would come...or maybe i did...or maybe i thought that somehow it would all work out and no one would have to leave or be sad and everyone would be happy. but i guess its never that easy. and then i realize that i have to stop trying to make everyone happy and just focus on me for once. not about how i make someone else feel, or if they'll get hurt by something i say, or if they'll mad due to an action i take, or if they'll never want to talk to me again because of something i want. thats not what life is about, i dont think.
i feel like for once, even if i dont have a lot of people around me, at least i know they care. really care. because all they want is me to be happy. and for the longest time i felt like it was just situational. like, they'd only be happy for me if i was following a certain trail, or if i was making a certain decision...and now i see that its not like that. i guess im really grateful to finally be able to see that. and feel that. and it makes it easier to live life and love people around me, even if the feeling isnt reciprocated. and even if it doesnt please everyone, at the end of the day, i still feel love.