the gathering of the clouds
it’s 12 am and i have to be up at 3 but i’m still writing. i think it’s sort of a failing gasp for a chronicle of these last hours that culminate in tomorrow, and fracture and dissipate like water after this.
yesterday outside the computing commons there was a girl struggling to keep her bike upright at slow speeds. i said, nice work! when she got it going. she laughed and said thanks.
today was barely a tuesday. i went to classes talked or listened. ed psych and rhet studies--we talked about josh bell in the subway station--and then i bought a pad for my computer and composed a virulent email to state press people about “assassins”. i called it in to the reslife people while at work--my boss read the letter for me. i told peggy about breaking up and she sympathized for a bit. when i was about to leave i told sandy, and she hugged me and mentioned the hell with better to have loved and lost. better to have love and kept!
i had dinner with katie and kurtis, who act like little kids! and sean. it was funny and sudden and when it ended i packed a few things and went home. i talked to my mom about the paper and she seemed resistant. i summarized for my dad. i did the crossword and read an article and put things in order to travel with. this week is going to be hell on wheels. i guess it already has been.
in rhet studies my professor tells us sometimes about milton stern, a professor who had her over for dinner one night after she moved to connecticut from california. he was never her teacher and when she told him all the exciting new ways of seeing rhetoric she was learning about, he surprised her by effectively declaring his retirement. he had been trained in old ways of seeing and, as dr. heenan put it, he didn’t have the energy or the commitment it takes to learn the new ways. he tore himself away from this thing he loved not because he didn’t love it anymore but because he still did.
i wrote kelly a letter to take with me tomorrow. oh christ, i should get something like rest. call it a night.
yesterday outside the computing commons there was a girl struggling to keep her bike upright at slow speeds. i said, nice work! when she got it going. she laughed and said thanks.
today was barely a tuesday. i went to classes talked or listened. ed psych and rhet studies--we talked about josh bell in the subway station--and then i bought a pad for my computer and composed a virulent email to state press people about “assassins”. i called it in to the reslife people while at work--my boss read the letter for me. i told peggy about breaking up and she sympathized for a bit. when i was about to leave i told sandy, and she hugged me and mentioned the hell with better to have loved and lost. better to have love and kept!
i had dinner with katie and kurtis, who act like little kids! and sean. it was funny and sudden and when it ended i packed a few things and went home. i talked to my mom about the paper and she seemed resistant. i summarized for my dad. i did the crossword and read an article and put things in order to travel with. this week is going to be hell on wheels. i guess it already has been.
in rhet studies my professor tells us sometimes about milton stern, a professor who had her over for dinner one night after she moved to connecticut from california. he was never her teacher and when she told him all the exciting new ways of seeing rhetoric she was learning about, he surprised her by effectively declaring his retirement. he had been trained in old ways of seeing and, as dr. heenan put it, he didn’t have the energy or the commitment it takes to learn the new ways. he tore himself away from this thing he loved not because he didn’t love it anymore but because he still did.
i wrote kelly a letter to take with me tomorrow. oh christ, i should get something like rest. call it a night.