[ooc: D_M prompt 12; 04]
Someone once told Elizabeth's young alternate that sometimes you hold things in for so long you don't know how to let them out any more. No one's ever said this to her, but she's never needed them to in order to know it. She gets a little closer every day, gets a little better at pretending.
The job is one thing. In a position of authority, it's necessary to be in control of your reactions, she knows this. In the job she did before -- diplomacy -- it's also necessary. Don't give away what could undermine your position. She stretches herself thin every day, working long hours, and she smiles as she goes. She says to herself, 'this is who I am, this is what I am, I am in control'.
It gets a little more true as time marches on. It crosses from her professional world into her personal life, and she has to be reminded, nudged, pushed to share herself with other people. It's turned around on her with Sheppard; he's better at it, harder, more distant. She sees in him something she never thought to fear in herself. It spurs her forward...she'll push him further than she lets anyone push her, needing to know that he can still open up, that he can let her in. Because if he can, she can.
Can't she?