Appreciation...taking one day at a time
It's so easy to say live life to it's fullest and enjoy every minute you have because it isn't permanent. But to actually put that into action? Every moment I spend with Ausencio, I try to really appreciate it and enjoy it but sometimes I just get so anxious and I want to fight with him and create some huge argument out of nothing. This is what I'm good at. I know I drive him crazy and he probably deserves some nice, docile, submissive and tradition Hispanic girl but he's got me. I wonder sometimes if he ever gets dumbfounded thinking of his life, where he's come from, all he's been through and the fact that he ended up with a girl like me. I love him. G-d, I love him so much and I feel like I give him my all to the point of exhaustion sometimes. I know that he cherishes me secretly. It comes out in little things he does. However, not to paint such an ideal picture--his machismo is just a little more out in the open and he likes to wear that mask a little more often that the real romantic he is. But you know how men are....the minute he's next to me, touching my hand or just looking at me or the moments when I wake up and he moves around in his sleep with his arm so conveniently wrapping around me :) in those times, I know my world is him. Don't get me wrong...I'm not talking about obsession here. I just mean he's my home. Obviously I have other things in my world than him. I've been thinking a lot from where I come from. Nebraska, New York, India....those memories from the last two homes I've had keep haunting me. Sometimes I'm awed beyond words by where I've been and what I've seen.
Peace.
Peace.