A short play.
The scene: A firey pit of sulfur and brimstone. A tall, red gentleman with horns and a pitchfork stands center stage. He is surrounded by gorgeous, half naked men.
Jesse Helms enters stage right. He seems confused. He walks up to the tall, red gentleman. The gorgeous, half naked men inch closer and closer to Jesse.
Jesse: Um. . . . excuse me? There seems to be some mistake.
TRG: Mistake? I'm sorry sir. We don't don't make mistakes down here.
Jesse: (one of the gorgeous, half naked men grabs his crotch.) STOP THAT! No sir, you see, I seem to have died.
TRG: That happens at the end of your life.
Jesse: Yeees. . . . . (one of the gorgeous, half naked men sticks his tongue in Jesse's ear.) FORNICATOR! STOP! But I'm still confused. . . .
TRG: Oh?
Jesse: Where's my harp? My wings? My halo? (One of the gorgeous, half naked me begins to unzip Jesse's pants.) And what in the blazes are these men doing?
TRG: Oh, you poor, poor thing. You don't assume you're in heaven, do you?
Jesse: Why wouldn't I be?
TRG: Allow me to quote you: "The Negro cannot count forever on the kind of restraint that's thus far left him free to clog the streets, disrupt traffic, and interfere with other men's rights."
Jesse: Um. Well. That was a long time ago. (Two of the gorgeous, half naked men hold Jesse down. A third one rips off his pants.) LET ME GO!
TRG: Ah, then how about this. . . . "White people, wake up before it is too late. Do you want Negroes working beside you, your wife and your daughters, in your mills and factories? " Or your constant barage against the gays?
Jesse: (Now the men are stroking Jesse's inner thighs. Jesse, much to his dismay, gets an erection.) The homosexuals had an adgenda! AN ADGENDA! SOMEBODY HAD TO SPEAK UP!
TRG: Ah. I see. I have a friend here who would like to see you.
(From stage right, Tinky Winky enters. He is 6 feet tall, purple, with a triangle on his head. He holds a purse and has an 8 inch member. Which is at attention.)
Jesse: (Seeing Tinky Winky) Get that pervert away from me! Help! I wasn't even the man who said those things about the teletubbies! That was Falwell! FALWELL!
TRG: No, Jesse. But you agreed with them.
Jesse: (Now being sucked by one of the men.) ARG! Oh. OH. OOOOOH! That feels. . . . . STOP!
TRG: This is your punishment, Jesse. Don't worry. It's not forever. A few thousand years.
Jesse: (Thinking quickly) But, but. . . . I understand my punishment. But these men? (They flip Jesse over on his belly.) ARG! These men? Why are they being allowed to do this? Why?
TRG: Oh. Jesse, Jesse, Jesse. You just don't understand. This is THEIR Hell, too.
(Tinky Winky mounts Jesse. Jesse screams and continues screaming while the lights fade to black.)
FIN.
Jesse Helms enters stage right. He seems confused. He walks up to the tall, red gentleman. The gorgeous, half naked men inch closer and closer to Jesse.
Jesse: Um. . . . excuse me? There seems to be some mistake.
TRG: Mistake? I'm sorry sir. We don't don't make mistakes down here.
Jesse: (one of the gorgeous, half naked men grabs his crotch.) STOP THAT! No sir, you see, I seem to have died.
TRG: That happens at the end of your life.
Jesse: Yeees. . . . . (one of the gorgeous, half naked men sticks his tongue in Jesse's ear.) FORNICATOR! STOP! But I'm still confused. . . .
TRG: Oh?
Jesse: Where's my harp? My wings? My halo? (One of the gorgeous, half naked me begins to unzip Jesse's pants.) And what in the blazes are these men doing?
TRG: Oh, you poor, poor thing. You don't assume you're in heaven, do you?
Jesse: Why wouldn't I be?
TRG: Allow me to quote you: "The Negro cannot count forever on the kind of restraint that's thus far left him free to clog the streets, disrupt traffic, and interfere with other men's rights."
Jesse: Um. Well. That was a long time ago. (Two of the gorgeous, half naked men hold Jesse down. A third one rips off his pants.) LET ME GO!
TRG: Ah, then how about this. . . . "White people, wake up before it is too late. Do you want Negroes working beside you, your wife and your daughters, in your mills and factories? " Or your constant barage against the gays?
Jesse: (Now the men are stroking Jesse's inner thighs. Jesse, much to his dismay, gets an erection.) The homosexuals had an adgenda! AN ADGENDA! SOMEBODY HAD TO SPEAK UP!
TRG: Ah. I see. I have a friend here who would like to see you.
(From stage right, Tinky Winky enters. He is 6 feet tall, purple, with a triangle on his head. He holds a purse and has an 8 inch member. Which is at attention.)
Jesse: (Seeing Tinky Winky) Get that pervert away from me! Help! I wasn't even the man who said those things about the teletubbies! That was Falwell! FALWELL!
TRG: No, Jesse. But you agreed with them.
Jesse: (Now being sucked by one of the men.) ARG! Oh. OH. OOOOOH! That feels. . . . . STOP!
TRG: This is your punishment, Jesse. Don't worry. It's not forever. A few thousand years.
Jesse: (Thinking quickly) But, but. . . . I understand my punishment. But these men? (They flip Jesse over on his belly.) ARG! These men? Why are they being allowed to do this? Why?
TRG: Oh. Jesse, Jesse, Jesse. You just don't understand. This is THEIR Hell, too.
(Tinky Winky mounts Jesse. Jesse screams and continues screaming while the lights fade to black.)
FIN.