History Thing 007 - Mark Antony, BAMF
Aaaand in the hopes that I'm over the last of my life/health issues for the moment, the return of HISTORY THINGS :D
Today, we're going to talk about Mark Antony.
Mark Antony (January 14, 83 BC - August 1, 30 BC) was a badass. And also arguably personally responsible for the fall of the Roman Republic, but that's now what we're talking about here! Because actually, he was apparently a pretty interesting character.
There are basically two sources on Mark Antony to choose from (well, there are more, with snippets, but two people who talked about him a lot). The first is Cicero. Cicero hated Antony's guts for reasons not entirely clear, but, I mean, this is a pretty deep-seated hatred and it's probably worth taking anything Cicero reports with a pinch of salt. Maybe a whole cellar (to be fair, the list of People Who Did Not Like Mark Antony is pretty fucking long). The other source is Plutarch, who is much more neutral and seems to actually kind of like Antony. There's a chapter devoted to him in Lives, and it is from there that I draw most of my facts, because Plutarch is entertaining and Cicero is an enormous whiner.
Okay, so, his parentage is kind of boring but basically his family money and status is all on his mum's side and his dad, whilst apparently a good soul, was not the most successful of men. He died fighting pirates, though, so that was pretty cool.
Early life wise, he was the prettiest princess and everyone loved him for it. He was apparently good natured and gorgeous and well-spoken and smart. And fucking Curio. Which does seem to have made Cicero unhappy and there's probably a novel in that, huh? Anyway. He was sent off to Greece for being a smartarse and studied the arts (which at the time included Talking Good and Doing Sums, basically), then came back and almost immediately ended up a priest of the Lupercal Order. Which involved running through the streets naked and hitting women with a leather thong during Lupercalia (this was a thing that Roman women lined up for. He wasn't randomly committing minor assault or anything). He also ran the orgies which is kind of typical Antony behaviour really.
Then I guess he got bored and went off to start his military career in Syria, in a private capacity. Turns out he is also Good At War (basically this is a man who's entire life boils down to 'can I fuck it, eat it, or kill it? No? NOT INTERESTED.') and becomes quickly well liked by the common soldiers because he eats with them. I guess because they had more booze and/or he could fight while he ate that way or something. Antony kind of had a thing about being loved by the people, and it's hard to tell if he was sincere or a sociopath. Somewhere along the line he married Curio's widow, Fulvia, which is creepy in a way that only Romans can pull off.
So basically the world marches on, Julius Caesar comes to power, and Antony behaves more or less like his adopted son for a while, bringing Caesar dead birds and pausing for head pats (where birds = rebelling Gauls). Everything is awesome until the whole 'et tu, Brute' thing goes down and Octavian is named Caesar's heir.
Then Antony basically declares war on Rome, which is less of a bad idea than it sounds, because it means that he gets to take out Caesar's assassins and be... 'friends' with Octavian. Sort of. They form, with Lepidus, the Second Triumvirate, which basically means there were three consuls (kind of an elected king, for those not well up on their Roman history) at once instead of the usual two. Antony proceeds to marry Octavian's sister, presumably to upset him, and then after a while fucks off to Alexandria.
Then Antony and Cleopatra goes down. Basically like it does in the play. Anyway, so, Antony successfully ends up as the queen's mistress (I will accept no other reality) and parties hard in Egypt and everyone thinks he's brilliant. Then Octavian pisses him off again and they end up going to war and sadly, Antony fucks up and loses. Boo hiss etc.
Cut to: the Roman Republic falls.
This is obviously the abridged version of the story.
As this is getting stupidly long, I will leave you with this story from Lives:
He went out one day to angle with Cleopatra, and, being so unfortunate as to catch nothing in the presence of his mistress, he gave secret orders to the fishermen to dive under water, and put fishes that had been already taken upon his hooks; and these he drew so fast that the Egyptian perceived it. But, feigning great admiration, she told everybody how dexterous Antony was, and invited them next day to come and see him again. So, when a number of them had come on board the fishing boats, as soon as he had let down his hook, one of her servants was beforehand with his divers, and fixed upon his hook a salted fish from Pontus. Antony, feeling his line give, drew up the prey, and when, as may be imagined, great laughter ensued, "Leave," said Cleopatra, "the fishing-rod, general, to us poor sovereigns of Pharos and Canopus; your game is cities, provinces, and kingdoms."
Today, we're going to talk about Mark Antony.
Mark Antony (January 14, 83 BC - August 1, 30 BC) was a badass. And also arguably personally responsible for the fall of the Roman Republic, but that's now what we're talking about here! Because actually, he was apparently a pretty interesting character.
There are basically two sources on Mark Antony to choose from (well, there are more, with snippets, but two people who talked about him a lot). The first is Cicero. Cicero hated Antony's guts for reasons not entirely clear, but, I mean, this is a pretty deep-seated hatred and it's probably worth taking anything Cicero reports with a pinch of salt. Maybe a whole cellar (to be fair, the list of People Who Did Not Like Mark Antony is pretty fucking long). The other source is Plutarch, who is much more neutral and seems to actually kind of like Antony. There's a chapter devoted to him in Lives, and it is from there that I draw most of my facts, because Plutarch is entertaining and Cicero is an enormous whiner.
Okay, so, his parentage is kind of boring but basically his family money and status is all on his mum's side and his dad, whilst apparently a good soul, was not the most successful of men. He died fighting pirates, though, so that was pretty cool.
Early life wise, he was the prettiest princess and everyone loved him for it. He was apparently good natured and gorgeous and well-spoken and smart. And fucking Curio. Which does seem to have made Cicero unhappy and there's probably a novel in that, huh? Anyway. He was sent off to Greece for being a smartarse and studied the arts (which at the time included Talking Good and Doing Sums, basically), then came back and almost immediately ended up a priest of the Lupercal Order. Which involved running through the streets naked and hitting women with a leather thong during Lupercalia (this was a thing that Roman women lined up for. He wasn't randomly committing minor assault or anything). He also ran the orgies which is kind of typical Antony behaviour really.
Then I guess he got bored and went off to start his military career in Syria, in a private capacity. Turns out he is also Good At War (basically this is a man who's entire life boils down to 'can I fuck it, eat it, or kill it? No? NOT INTERESTED.') and becomes quickly well liked by the common soldiers because he eats with them. I guess because they had more booze and/or he could fight while he ate that way or something. Antony kind of had a thing about being loved by the people, and it's hard to tell if he was sincere or a sociopath. Somewhere along the line he married Curio's widow, Fulvia, which is creepy in a way that only Romans can pull off.
So basically the world marches on, Julius Caesar comes to power, and Antony behaves more or less like his adopted son for a while, bringing Caesar dead birds and pausing for head pats (where birds = rebelling Gauls). Everything is awesome until the whole 'et tu, Brute' thing goes down and Octavian is named Caesar's heir.
Then Antony basically declares war on Rome, which is less of a bad idea than it sounds, because it means that he gets to take out Caesar's assassins and be... 'friends' with Octavian. Sort of. They form, with Lepidus, the Second Triumvirate, which basically means there were three consuls (kind of an elected king, for those not well up on their Roman history) at once instead of the usual two. Antony proceeds to marry Octavian's sister, presumably to upset him, and then after a while fucks off to Alexandria.
Then Antony and Cleopatra goes down. Basically like it does in the play. Anyway, so, Antony successfully ends up as the queen's mistress (I will accept no other reality) and parties hard in Egypt and everyone thinks he's brilliant. Then Octavian pisses him off again and they end up going to war and sadly, Antony fucks up and loses. Boo hiss etc.
Cut to: the Roman Republic falls.
This is obviously the abridged version of the story.
As this is getting stupidly long, I will leave you with this story from Lives:
He went out one day to angle with Cleopatra, and, being so unfortunate as to catch nothing in the presence of his mistress, he gave secret orders to the fishermen to dive under water, and put fishes that had been already taken upon his hooks; and these he drew so fast that the Egyptian perceived it. But, feigning great admiration, she told everybody how dexterous Antony was, and invited them next day to come and see him again. So, when a number of them had come on board the fishing boats, as soon as he had let down his hook, one of her servants was beforehand with his divers, and fixed upon his hook a salted fish from Pontus. Antony, feeling his line give, drew up the prey, and when, as may be imagined, great laughter ensued, "Leave," said Cleopatra, "the fishing-rod, general, to us poor sovereigns of Pharos and Canopus; your game is cities, provinces, and kingdoms."