Shit this is getting depressing
Christina and I are now not talking. Its mutual but still hurts. Us trying to be friends right off the bat was a huge mistake. I'm still in love with her and us acting like friends does not help the situation. She's in a lot of pain as well and our original break up has appeared to leave her in a sad state as well.
We agreed that we would love to be friends in the future. We both need to heal and get over each other. I really want this to be true. Maybe after my proposal, maybe after my thesis. I don't know what the future has in store for me or us.
I asked her if she slept with Kate while in NYC, she didn't. As much as that made me happy I was equally upset because I still didn't have a reason to be pissed at her. No reason to get over her quickly for fucking someone else first. How pathetic.
On the flip side, in an attempt to get over her, I've started talking to people online. I'm thinking a revisit to my slutty days is in order, but I know deep down this is just a band-aid and I'm going to feel like shit afterwards. But this can be a great opportunity to get over her by meeting new people and starting to date again. I'm not sure... I really miss the sex we had and I'm obviously looking to replace her. Again how pathetic.
Because of this situation and my continued stress with classes, crew, work and thesis, I've started to fuck up my life. I've let her be more important in my life than other things, which is typical, but I have to pull myself out of this cycle. Having her in my life was comforting, but very unhealthy and this unhealthiness spread to my life. I wish I could just be cool and let this slide off my back, but this is going to be fucking hard.
I need to focus or I need to totally shock my life, a new overhaul.
I wish I didn't love her, this would be so much easier.
My coach Angela said that I should mourn, its the death of something that i cared deeply about and its ok to be sad. I think she's right, god she's so understanding.
I wish I had something happy to write about in here. But the intense feelings that I have tend to be the sad ones. I need and want a change.
We agreed that we would love to be friends in the future. We both need to heal and get over each other. I really want this to be true. Maybe after my proposal, maybe after my thesis. I don't know what the future has in store for me or us.
I asked her if she slept with Kate while in NYC, she didn't. As much as that made me happy I was equally upset because I still didn't have a reason to be pissed at her. No reason to get over her quickly for fucking someone else first. How pathetic.
On the flip side, in an attempt to get over her, I've started talking to people online. I'm thinking a revisit to my slutty days is in order, but I know deep down this is just a band-aid and I'm going to feel like shit afterwards. But this can be a great opportunity to get over her by meeting new people and starting to date again. I'm not sure... I really miss the sex we had and I'm obviously looking to replace her. Again how pathetic.
Because of this situation and my continued stress with classes, crew, work and thesis, I've started to fuck up my life. I've let her be more important in my life than other things, which is typical, but I have to pull myself out of this cycle. Having her in my life was comforting, but very unhealthy and this unhealthiness spread to my life. I wish I could just be cool and let this slide off my back, but this is going to be fucking hard.
I need to focus or I need to totally shock my life, a new overhaul.
I wish I didn't love her, this would be so much easier.
My coach Angela said that I should mourn, its the death of something that i cared deeply about and its ok to be sad. I think she's right, god she's so understanding.
I wish I had something happy to write about in here. But the intense feelings that I have tend to be the sad ones. I need and want a change.