(no subject)

[queerasfuc]

So it has been awhile since I have updated. I've been pretty busy with balancing my life, hormones, coming out to the family, school, relationship, friends and myself. I felt as though I was gonna drop into an ugly depressed state once again, but so far it hasn;t happened. I'm thinking my body is really struggling with itself, hormones and changes galore and its hard to keep things in perspective sometimes. My voice has totally dropped and my shoulders are definitely getting wider. ~Say goodbye to some of my favorite shirts and sweaters of a not so big selection. I've been having all these doubts as of late. I've been finding it hard being on hormones and accepting the fact that I may not be able to afford top surgery for some time. Its really fucking hard. In the summer I usually landscape in the god forbidden heat and the thought of binding when working sounds like a death wish almost. Even when not binding it is fucking hot. I see my endo next week and I have to think of a time when a hysto will be convenient. Nonetheless I am a bit hesitant on the whole idea. Not because I want to have kids, and I know it is healthier in the long run, I guess maybe it has to do with putting my body through such trauma. I assume it also has to do with the fact that here I am able to get a hysto done but chest surgery is not attainable right now but feels like chest surgery is the right, most needed surgery for me right now.

Anyways I am gonna cut out here b/c I am procrastinating on an assignment that was due yesterday. Please be the end of school soon.