I Cannot Find the Heart I Gave You

[queerasfray]

I Cannot Find the Heart I Gave You

For far too long you were there
To take my heart, put it in your pocket
For too long it laid bare
Long enough for you to steal it.

For far too long you lay near
To take my heart and run with it
For too long you were here,
Long enough for you to break it.

For far too long you let me
Take your heart and rule it
For too long you let things be
Long enough for me to crush it

Why should I be surprised you went away?
Why should I be surprised that you don’t call?
I should’ve been brave enough to say
That you can have me, that you can have it all.

For far too long I wasted time
And took your heart for granted
For too long I ignored the signs
Too long for you to stand it.

For far too long I fucked around
And treated your heart carelessly
For too long I played the clown
Too long for you to trust me

For far too long I made you cry
And took your heart to hell with me
For too long I let us die
Too long for you to put up with me

How can I be surprised you ran to him?
How can I be surprised you went?
I should’ve been brave enough to tell him
That your heart was not for rent

For far too long I’ve been without you
But still I can’t forget
For too long I did all I could do
To not apologize, to not regret . . .

That I let you go,
That I didn’t say no
When you walked away
And now I know
All the words I didn’t say
And everything I didn’t do
And now I cannot find
the heart I gave you.