Matching Uniforms
This might be slightly difficult emotionally to recall this past year, but I'm going to do it anyway...
Take bits and pieces from past journal entries to sum up your year month by month.
January ~ "Welcome to 2005, Self. Can you even believe you've made it this far??"
"Here's a news flash... everywhere you go, there will be people who talk about you behind your back"
"Things are moving right along, and life is busy as usual. Gotta love it, though. Couldn't be any other way."
February ~ "The balance we must be in search of is:
Remaining true to myself, and making myself happy... while... making sure that someone else is happy, because that is what I want."
"On a funny note, "Boy, I miss you something fierce!!!""
March ~ "When it's right, it's right, and you don't question it. Amazing! Being in love, and being loved in return is the most amazing feeling in the whole world! Trust that one day, if you haven't experienced it yet, you will. And look forward to it."
"So... I don't believe this is my third love. I believe this won't last, and there will be someone else."
April ~ "I need to gather myself. I need to find my still yellow center located in my heart. Quality = tranquility."
"I've been so busy. Having a job on-top of everything else is really hard. Having Bob on-top of all that is even harder."
"So despite not being able to do an actual dress rehearsal, the show went amazingly well. An awesome opening pulled together by an all-star cast. Truly beautiful."
May ~ "I'm breaking this whole charade off. I care about him, but not the way he needs, and this is not what I need in my life right now."
"The best feeling in the world is being best friends with the one you fall in love with."
June ~ "It's really weird when your mom asks you if the sex with your boyfriend is good, and then proceeds to tell you that it's important that it is, because you spend one third of your married life in bed."
"I look back on my life, and I see how much happier I am right now. How, today, I'm happier than I've ever been. And it's not an ecstatic happiness, or jubilation. But a feeling of content, and ease. Like this is the longest I've felt really good about myself, and felt really good about my life."
July ~ "I'm getting a brand new car."
"My baby will be here tonight! And he's staying until Wednesday. I'm so excited!!!"
" suppose I should begin packing since we're leaving tomorrow, and I haven't started yet. I can't believe this came so fast. I guess I was just so busy with Bob being here, that I didn't have time to think of how soon I was leaving for Florida. I'm so excited."
August ~ "Disney was awesome! I'm your mailman. The wedding was beautiful. The cake Aunt Nancy made is delicious, and I got to take some home."
"Time seems to be passing so quickly, and I have no answers. I used to think I knew what was going to happen, and I had some kind of plan, some formation of the future. But I had a reality check a couple of weeks ago."
September ~ "So, I'm back at school. It feels really good to be back with everyone, and just be in a more social environment. But at the same time, I need to re-adapt to this environment."
"I lost my identity in yours. Thankfully you saw this, and refused to let me let go of who I was.
Every part of my wanted to hate you. I thought you were giving up on us. I thought you were giving up on me. But you just didn't want me to give up on me."
October ~ "I went to visit Bob last weekend. It was our first time being together, but not being "together." "
"Footloose is really coming along well, and most of my hard work is done. Also, I got a part in Ricky's show, and I'm secretary of STA, which is cool. So, my let's relax semester has turned a little busier than I imagined."
"I'm currently exhausted. So much on my brain."
November ~ "I've done the whirlwind romance already, and now that I've escaped that with nothing much more than a bruised heart and scraped soul, I'm ready to have something real. Something that doesn't compromise my own self."
"So, I'm calling the moon again to make sense of this life, to make sense of these thoughts. Feelings cannot be controled as thoughts flow through my veins like a river in the early spring, cold from the melting snow."
December ~ "Well... the semester is running on empty, and it's almost over. I think now to the beginning, and all of the expectations that I held for these three and a half months, and it's hard to believe it's all gone by so fast."
"There is lots of good news. Rehearsals for Ricky's show are going great. I'm having a lot of fun, and can't wait until February. The best news, and greatest thing that has happened in the last week, is that we found out that Frankenstein is moving on to compete at ACTF!!!"
"Things are getting better on the other end of things. I don't talk to Bob, but maybe once a week now. It's just so hard to swallow everything that went down. It's hard to see him so happy with someone else after such a short amount of time. It's weird to not talk to him, and not have him as big a part of my life as he once was. I know that I'll find someone better, and I know that I'm not really ready for what he wanted me to be ready for. And it's almost like I started to force myself to be ready, and I shouldn't have done that. So, I've learned valuable lessons, and it's far better to have loved and lost, than never at all... and I know that."
And that's my year.