the calm before the storm
Literally.
Ever have that feeling that you feel good about your life right now, but that tomorrow it's all going to hell? I dunno know why I'm feeling like this. Perhaps it's my unknown rotation next block. After officially dropping my ortho rotation at UF, I felt better, but St. Petersburgh has yet to give me a firm confirmation of my rotation status there in their family practice rotation. Of course hurrican ivan isn't exactly helping matters b/c just about everything is closed tomorrow in FL. My sister doesn't have any school tomorrow either. It's just a spectacular feeling that i'm up here and my family is down there and who knows what exactly is going to happen. I guess that's the time that I take a deep breath, say a prayer, and move on. I don't know why going down there would make me feel better about it. I can't stop the storm or anything.
Also, I sent in my application for residency on Fri. morning. I applied to FP programs through out FL, Atlanta, Harlingen, Tulsa, and a few in the nor cal area. Don't ask me why I applied to nor cal--all their residents are from UC med schools, so I have like no shot in hell. the Harlingen and Tulsa programs are Christian residencies, and I applied to Atlanta for back up. my first choice is in St. Pete though. Hence, why I need the rotation next month. argh! I hate not having any frickin' control. But 'tis the story of my life right now. No control over anything except getting up in the morning, and sometimes I don't even want to do that. I losing motivation and fast in what I'm doing with my life. I burnt out and tired. Pissed off at my lack of self control in the kitchen and my shrinking closet. my singleness and my unknown future. my total dislike for hand surgery and my absolute participation this week. at least there's a trauma ortho conference this coming weekend. I'll go to that on Fri., and my cousin's wedding on Sat. (yet another reminder that I'm lonely--darn lack of Christian boys around here, let alone ones that want to move to FL with me). my have the rehersal dinner on Thurs. night. I reading scripture in the wedding. Let's hope this time I can get through without crying like I did in my other cousin's wedding in June. Of course my birthday is on Tues., and nothing will be done for it b/c my friends are all too busy and I have to work anyways. bites freaking hard. doesn't matter, it's only 25. they start to blend together anymore. Today my family in the area had a small cake for my birthday at our post church lunch. a sweet gesture. Last year everyone but my parents, sister, and friend Jason was fired b/c no one called me. I had to work on call that day too....all day. on a Sun. through the night. had stupid drunk kids yelling at me in the ER. I yelled back. felt good.
blah. that's how i feel. with a brewing storm getting ready to explode at some point in time.
Ever have that feeling that you feel good about your life right now, but that tomorrow it's all going to hell? I dunno know why I'm feeling like this. Perhaps it's my unknown rotation next block. After officially dropping my ortho rotation at UF, I felt better, but St. Petersburgh has yet to give me a firm confirmation of my rotation status there in their family practice rotation. Of course hurrican ivan isn't exactly helping matters b/c just about everything is closed tomorrow in FL. My sister doesn't have any school tomorrow either. It's just a spectacular feeling that i'm up here and my family is down there and who knows what exactly is going to happen. I guess that's the time that I take a deep breath, say a prayer, and move on. I don't know why going down there would make me feel better about it. I can't stop the storm or anything.
Also, I sent in my application for residency on Fri. morning. I applied to FP programs through out FL, Atlanta, Harlingen, Tulsa, and a few in the nor cal area. Don't ask me why I applied to nor cal--all their residents are from UC med schools, so I have like no shot in hell. the Harlingen and Tulsa programs are Christian residencies, and I applied to Atlanta for back up. my first choice is in St. Pete though. Hence, why I need the rotation next month. argh! I hate not having any frickin' control. But 'tis the story of my life right now. No control over anything except getting up in the morning, and sometimes I don't even want to do that. I losing motivation and fast in what I'm doing with my life. I burnt out and tired. Pissed off at my lack of self control in the kitchen and my shrinking closet. my singleness and my unknown future. my total dislike for hand surgery and my absolute participation this week. at least there's a trauma ortho conference this coming weekend. I'll go to that on Fri., and my cousin's wedding on Sat. (yet another reminder that I'm lonely--darn lack of Christian boys around here, let alone ones that want to move to FL with me). my have the rehersal dinner on Thurs. night. I reading scripture in the wedding. Let's hope this time I can get through without crying like I did in my other cousin's wedding in June. Of course my birthday is on Tues., and nothing will be done for it b/c my friends are all too busy and I have to work anyways. bites freaking hard. doesn't matter, it's only 25. they start to blend together anymore. Today my family in the area had a small cake for my birthday at our post church lunch. a sweet gesture. Last year everyone but my parents, sister, and friend Jason was fired b/c no one called me. I had to work on call that day too....all day. on a Sun. through the night. had stupid drunk kids yelling at me in the ER. I yelled back. felt good.
blah. that's how i feel. with a brewing storm getting ready to explode at some point in time.