ALRIGHT....I'M PISSED.
you know what i'm really tired of in my old age? i'm tired of being shit on by people, i'm tired of being DISPOSABLE, disposable in particular to men that i have genuinely cared about. i've now racked up 2 "relationships" (pushing the term) in which i have been strung along, thinking that i mean something to someone when all i really am is a moderately pleasurable conversation, nothing more. i don't understand why people feel the need to continute something with someone they have no intention of going any further with. i don't understand why you keep people on board if you have no use for them, just for amusement maybe? why not do me the favor ahead of time and let me know that i'm of no use to you from the start? that way i won't have invested so much energy into something that is ultimately just going to hurt me. i understand that sometimes people don't do this intentionally, but i also believe they should think of how they're affecting someone else's feelings before they decide the fate of their relationship with that person. i for one, would like to be clued in to that fact before i continue a friendship with someone, thinking that it's something else. in short, don't lead me to believe something that's not true. it's all that i ask. you can't have your cake and eat it too.
this frustrates me because i believe i'm someone MORE than worth being with. i'm a girl that will absolutely worship the man i'm with, celebrate the things i love most about him, equally celebrate his downfalls, and vocalize all of it through art. i can do this while simultaneously not losing myself in a man, maintaining who i am, and staying true to myself. i feel empowered by the person i fall for, i don't lose pieces of my identity in them. i also don't need a guy to be 'with' me 24/7. i thoroughly enjoy my time alone. but for some reason i don't think this is what most men want. i think guys talk shit about "a smart intelligent girl that can challenge me bla bla bla" because if you look at who they're with 9 times out of 10, it's usally someone completely wrong for them that they're only with for looks, or because they can easily manipulate the person. and this goes for ALL men, striaght ones at least. i really don't think guys want someone that can challenge them. they say that because that's what they think they're supposed to say. this has been my observation of men, as i've gotten to know quite a few of them in the past year.
i don't know how i'm ever going to find someone for whom this doesn't ring true. someone that ACTUALLY DOES know what he wants, and ACTUALLY DOES want someone like me.
this frustrates me because i believe i'm someone MORE than worth being with. i'm a girl that will absolutely worship the man i'm with, celebrate the things i love most about him, equally celebrate his downfalls, and vocalize all of it through art. i can do this while simultaneously not losing myself in a man, maintaining who i am, and staying true to myself. i feel empowered by the person i fall for, i don't lose pieces of my identity in them. i also don't need a guy to be 'with' me 24/7. i thoroughly enjoy my time alone. but for some reason i don't think this is what most men want. i think guys talk shit about "a smart intelligent girl that can challenge me bla bla bla" because if you look at who they're with 9 times out of 10, it's usally someone completely wrong for them that they're only with for looks, or because they can easily manipulate the person. and this goes for ALL men, striaght ones at least. i really don't think guys want someone that can challenge them. they say that because that's what they think they're supposed to say. this has been my observation of men, as i've gotten to know quite a few of them in the past year.
i don't know how i'm ever going to find someone for whom this doesn't ring true. someone that ACTUALLY DOES know what he wants, and ACTUALLY DOES want someone like me.