I think
I'm more honest than my values quiz says that I am, but I am definitely less honest than I'd like to be, or should be. I am a southern woman, through and through. I've tried to cultivate myself in the image of what i think of as iconic, goddesslike southern womanhood, and that image includes... diplomatic verbology, i suppose. i find that the easiest way for me to be... diplomatic and still true to myself is to be as gently (or disarmingly) honest as I can be and still say the truth. For example,someone might say:
"What do you think of _______ (fill in the name of someone that frankly just gets up your nose)?"
The diplomatic but honest reply would be to say something truly nice about them: "Well, they have pretty hair." This should convey a "I am trying really hard to not say something bad, which tells you also that I have something bad to say, so shut up now." kind of atmosphere, and derail the conversation on to something safe, like the war. :(
However, this does not always work.
If you are speaking to another southern woman (or man, in many cases - we ALL love some gossip - D., X, etc...) there is a good likelihood that the person will not pick up on the diplomatic atmosphere and will say something like "Oh, really?" or "I KNOW!" and you will be drawn down the path of the dark side of the goddess and talking trash like you'son Springer before you know it! The diplomatic (and Karma-saving) reply to these sorts of, well, verbal temptations is to say "I'm not gonna' talk bad about anybody." - and MEAN it. After an exchange like this, nothing will save your chances to exit the conversation an unsullied woman but to immediately start talking about the hottest guys you can think of (Johnny Depp is always a good, safe opener...) - or to direct the trash-flow into a safe, distant outlet such as Britney Spears or George Bush.
Sometimes though this is hard to do. Sometimes you have only two choices: to say what you truly feel and be unkind, or just flat-out-lie.
An example of the time to be honest: "Your son is a woman-beating piece of crap!"
An example of the time to lie: "He's beautiful!" (when asked if their wrinkly, purple, alien/old-man-looking newborn isn't "just gorgeous?" )
There's also the lying that comes from NOT saying things. That particular one physically hurts me, but we all do it all the time. It's the easiest - and most insidious - of the 'have to' lies. There are a lot of things that I can't say on my SDO blog, mainly because my aunt, and a few others, read it and get upset and shocked when I say what's really happening in my head and heart sometimes. I don't lie there, but I cannot pour out my heart there, or raise hell there like I can here. It feels good to have friends among whom I can be faulty and flawed. Around whom I can undo the top button. (Hell, with most of you, I can wear things with no buttons at all! ;) You all know me in ways that my family never could, and you help me to love the parts of myself that I find so hard to love. The parts of me that DO say the mean things sometimes - the parts with bad Karma and an honest tongue. Here, I can comfortably love the Goddess I choose to love, with her silver-moon face and black, night hair (though I triumph that Aunt Sue nods at my "goddess blesses" in my blog from time to time... *shock!*).
Here I can say how angry I really am at my mother, and at the rest of my family sometimes. Here I can change my mind. Here, I can tell my girlfriends EXACTLY how sexy I think they are. Here I can admit that all is not as it seems, and that I need all of you and the love and patience that you give me more than you could ever know.
Here I can say that Jen has become one of the greatest friends of my life, and one of the strongest, most amazing and beautiful people I know."
Here I can say that if I was a bajillionaire, I would adopt "Velvedere" and "Eldanis" and give them the family and careers of their dreams.
Here I can say that Calmacil's hair and eyes and freckles (and the combo of them specifically on her) are some of the sexiest things I've ever seen.
Here I can say that I think Lorenalis is WOMAN.
Here I can say "I'm so proud of you, Mike."
Here I can say that Ursula fits in the same category as Linda Carter, Aimee Mann and Uma Thurman*
Here I can say "I'm sorry NW&SB"
Here I can say "I don't hate T."
Here I can say "D, what do you intend to do with your ONE wild and precious life?"
Here I can say "I'm losing my my mind and my life, day by day"
Here I can say "I don't want to squander a second that's left."
Here, I may not be able to say it all (I wouldn't be me without a couple of buttons undone, or with my corset-strings loose...), but I can say so much more. Thank you all for being my truly good friends for so long.
:)
Time for X to get home, and me to go to bed. I am at the shop all day tomorrow and have commissions to catch up on, three photo-shoots, a studio-opening party for the tv station, and Brett's 45th on saturday, and a grant to finish writing on Sunday - *whew!* ;) Mike, I hope I get to see you. :)
much love, beloved geekses.
-sam
*It is because of these women that I knew I could never be 100% straight... :)
"What do you think of _______ (fill in the name of someone that frankly just gets up your nose)?"
The diplomatic but honest reply would be to say something truly nice about them: "Well, they have pretty hair." This should convey a "I am trying really hard to not say something bad, which tells you also that I have something bad to say, so shut up now." kind of atmosphere, and derail the conversation on to something safe, like the war. :(
However, this does not always work.
If you are speaking to another southern woman (or man, in many cases - we ALL love some gossip - D., X, etc...) there is a good likelihood that the person will not pick up on the diplomatic atmosphere and will say something like "Oh, really?" or "I KNOW!" and you will be drawn down the path of the dark side of the goddess and talking trash like you'son Springer before you know it! The diplomatic (and Karma-saving) reply to these sorts of, well, verbal temptations is to say "I'm not gonna' talk bad about anybody." - and MEAN it. After an exchange like this, nothing will save your chances to exit the conversation an unsullied woman but to immediately start talking about the hottest guys you can think of (Johnny Depp is always a good, safe opener...) - or to direct the trash-flow into a safe, distant outlet such as Britney Spears or George Bush.
Sometimes though this is hard to do. Sometimes you have only two choices: to say what you truly feel and be unkind, or just flat-out-lie.
An example of the time to be honest: "Your son is a woman-beating piece of crap!"
An example of the time to lie: "He's beautiful!" (when asked if their wrinkly, purple, alien/old-man-looking newborn isn't "just gorgeous?" )
There's also the lying that comes from NOT saying things. That particular one physically hurts me, but we all do it all the time. It's the easiest - and most insidious - of the 'have to' lies. There are a lot of things that I can't say on my SDO blog, mainly because my aunt, and a few others, read it and get upset and shocked when I say what's really happening in my head and heart sometimes. I don't lie there, but I cannot pour out my heart there, or raise hell there like I can here. It feels good to have friends among whom I can be faulty and flawed. Around whom I can undo the top button. (Hell, with most of you, I can wear things with no buttons at all! ;) You all know me in ways that my family never could, and you help me to love the parts of myself that I find so hard to love. The parts of me that DO say the mean things sometimes - the parts with bad Karma and an honest tongue. Here, I can comfortably love the Goddess I choose to love, with her silver-moon face and black, night hair (though I triumph that Aunt Sue nods at my "goddess blesses" in my blog from time to time... *shock!*).
Here I can say how angry I really am at my mother, and at the rest of my family sometimes. Here I can change my mind. Here, I can tell my girlfriends EXACTLY how sexy I think they are. Here I can admit that all is not as it seems, and that I need all of you and the love and patience that you give me more than you could ever know.
Here I can say that Jen has become one of the greatest friends of my life, and one of the strongest, most amazing and beautiful people I know."
Here I can say that if I was a bajillionaire, I would adopt "Velvedere" and "Eldanis" and give them the family and careers of their dreams.
Here I can say that Calmacil's hair and eyes and freckles (and the combo of them specifically on her) are some of the sexiest things I've ever seen.
Here I can say that I think Lorenalis is WOMAN.
Here I can say "I'm so proud of you, Mike."
Here I can say that Ursula fits in the same category as Linda Carter, Aimee Mann and Uma Thurman*
Here I can say "I'm sorry NW&SB"
Here I can say "I don't hate T."
Here I can say "D, what do you intend to do with your ONE wild and precious life?"
Here I can say "I'm losing my my mind and my life, day by day"
Here I can say "I don't want to squander a second that's left."
Here, I may not be able to say it all (I wouldn't be me without a couple of buttons undone, or with my corset-strings loose...), but I can say so much more. Thank you all for being my truly good friends for so long.
:)
Time for X to get home, and me to go to bed. I am at the shop all day tomorrow and have commissions to catch up on, three photo-shoots, a studio-opening party for the tv station, and Brett's 45th on saturday, and a grant to finish writing on Sunday - *whew!* ;) Mike, I hope I get to see you. :)
much love, beloved geekses.
-sam
*It is because of these women that I knew I could never be 100% straight... :)