:)
The initial shock of the last few days hurt. I refuse to cope with my feelings in a negative mannner such as drinking, self infliction of pain, or losing myself in "what may happen".
So I have decided to get out old scraps of this fasbric and that fabric and once agian regain myself physically to who I once was.
Starting with that 80 dollar coffin purse I had been drooling over. Jesse wanted me to order him a few CDs and I thought to myself:
Wait a second!!
I never buy myself anything anymore, not even at thrift stores.
The last time I bought something for myself was some hair dye.
Big Deal.
Hair dye should be a Regualr maintenance product. Not a priveledge!
So because Jesse hands over his paycheck and I take care of the finances, I decided to let him wait on his CDs and bought myself that coffin.
It arrived yesterday while he was on his lunch break and lucky for me he was not angry. He was glad to see me happy.
Its really fun!! From one side view it looks almost like a toolbox, but the front and back have a coffin shape with phantom like cross shapes you can barely see. The thing is silver. Chrome silver that you can use ass a mirror if needed. And its OLD. The original purchaser bought it 15 years ago . SO i am happy for now.
I put some clothing on my dress form and decided to get working on outfits agian. Or at least draw them up and inspire myself.
What I dress like or how he thinks of it no longer matters. I now have to do what I enjoy and better my emotions.Being creative and feeling fabulous is one way of doing just that.
Last night Jesse and I ran into Johnny at the Food 4 Stamps ((thanks Karla for the funny Food4Less nickname)). He was on his Bike. I'd like to take a ride on that bike. My father had a motorcycle too. I was about 4 or 5 when I rode on it...I have not been on one since. So i gave Johnny our phone number and hopefully he calls sometime. I used to work with Johnny at the beatnick and he had my style of humour.I used to enjoy going into work when he would be there. He is the guy who bought me my 1st tattoo. You can trust him too because he's been celibate for 5 years, maybe more.He also does not smoke or drink.
Yeah, I just have to be positive about my situation. What can I do?
I also think of the past and say to myself that I survived through the Leo ordeal...and If i lived through THAT...I can take this on.
So I have decided to get out old scraps of this fasbric and that fabric and once agian regain myself physically to who I once was.
Starting with that 80 dollar coffin purse I had been drooling over. Jesse wanted me to order him a few CDs and I thought to myself:
Wait a second!!
I never buy myself anything anymore, not even at thrift stores.
The last time I bought something for myself was some hair dye.
Big Deal.
Hair dye should be a Regualr maintenance product. Not a priveledge!
So because Jesse hands over his paycheck and I take care of the finances, I decided to let him wait on his CDs and bought myself that coffin.
It arrived yesterday while he was on his lunch break and lucky for me he was not angry. He was glad to see me happy.
Its really fun!! From one side view it looks almost like a toolbox, but the front and back have a coffin shape with phantom like cross shapes you can barely see. The thing is silver. Chrome silver that you can use ass a mirror if needed. And its OLD. The original purchaser bought it 15 years ago . SO i am happy for now.
I put some clothing on my dress form and decided to get working on outfits agian. Or at least draw them up and inspire myself.
What I dress like or how he thinks of it no longer matters. I now have to do what I enjoy and better my emotions.Being creative and feeling fabulous is one way of doing just that.
Last night Jesse and I ran into Johnny at the Food 4 Stamps ((thanks Karla for the funny Food4Less nickname)). He was on his Bike. I'd like to take a ride on that bike. My father had a motorcycle too. I was about 4 or 5 when I rode on it...I have not been on one since. So i gave Johnny our phone number and hopefully he calls sometime. I used to work with Johnny at the beatnick and he had my style of humour.I used to enjoy going into work when he would be there. He is the guy who bought me my 1st tattoo. You can trust him too because he's been celibate for 5 years, maybe more.He also does not smoke or drink.
Yeah, I just have to be positive about my situation. What can I do?
I also think of the past and say to myself that I survived through the Leo ordeal...and If i lived through THAT...I can take this on.