(no subject)
I am so unsure of what i want right now... everything is strange to me yet i am completely familiar with all i am associating myself with. Life is changing too fast... it also seems that things about me have changed thta i haven't even realised until this weekend... What happened? I'm not who i thought i was, the things that used to make me smile don't work anymore, the places i used to go (mainly online) have no appeal anymore and the more i think about it the more i want to run away and find my own space and get back to what i want to focus on and to what i want to be...
I have recently been told by someone i am less superficial than most people they know and hold less of a front, but with that comes real problems... Yeah they see my personality but because i don't portray a certain character or culture, i suddenly am void of a label (well i guess it's sudden for me because i didn't realise i lacked one)
I suddenly realise why people dress alike and wear their hair a certain way or do certain things with their make-up. It's all about a sense of belonging, and although I do realise that i have unconciously made a change to the way i look because of the people i have been around for the past year, i have lost any connections to the life i used to have...
The most recent label i have been given is 'non-goth' and oh my god you have no idea how much that cut me. Even though this next sentence may be the most superficial you read this year, every cent is true...
I am not the same to everyone else because I don't look the same. I may be the same person inside, or at least i may think i am, but nobody would ever recognise that because of how i look on the outside.
Am I gutless to not be able to show the world who i really am anymore? Is this the start of losing the part of me i love so much?
I guess this weekend has been a kick up the arse for me. Basically it's a case of whether i find her again or wuss out.
And for some reason i want to cut my hair off.
I have recently been told by someone i am less superficial than most people they know and hold less of a front, but with that comes real problems... Yeah they see my personality but because i don't portray a certain character or culture, i suddenly am void of a label (well i guess it's sudden for me because i didn't realise i lacked one)
I suddenly realise why people dress alike and wear their hair a certain way or do certain things with their make-up. It's all about a sense of belonging, and although I do realise that i have unconciously made a change to the way i look because of the people i have been around for the past year, i have lost any connections to the life i used to have...
The most recent label i have been given is 'non-goth' and oh my god you have no idea how much that cut me. Even though this next sentence may be the most superficial you read this year, every cent is true...
I am not the same to everyone else because I don't look the same. I may be the same person inside, or at least i may think i am, but nobody would ever recognise that because of how i look on the outside.
Am I gutless to not be able to show the world who i really am anymore? Is this the start of losing the part of me i love so much?
I guess this weekend has been a kick up the arse for me. Basically it's a case of whether i find her again or wuss out.
And for some reason i want to cut my hair off.