(no subject)
so my days at sewanee are coming to a close.
i find myself wondering around campus comparing what my first day reactions were to the accumulation of thoughts that i have about this place now. Its crazy how much you can get used to one place but still feel like its not your home at all. I think about how many faces at the beginning of the year were just faces...with no history, character, or personality. now they have become some of my closest friends, some whom i know better than my friends at home...some we've partied with, some we've studied with...that's probably one of my favorite things to do...is think back on how much i've gotten to know my friends at sewanee.
I also feel like I am ready to let go of this place. i thought that it would be a painful experience, leaving sewanee, although i really wanted it; however, in thepast week or so i have just noticed that even though i am stil lhere, things are starting to move on without me. everyone has their classes, dorms, and roommates picked out for next year. making plans, talkign about how great everything will be. tess and charles :)
I've changed SO MUCH this year. i know that i said back in august that i would never come back the same, but i didn't think that i would really change that much b/c i loved who i was when i left for sewanee...only in the past three weeks or so have i really matured and realized that i can be happy , or at least content, no matter what lousy situations i get in. i realize that a lot of my exaggerated emotional issues this year were from excessive worrying. not only that, but a lack of stability in knowing who i was, what i wanted, and what i NEEDED. its okay though; i went through a huge life change. you're not SUPPOSED to know who you are in college!!! at least initially. you're away from home and all of its comfort for the first time. i know that i took a lot of my insecurities out on daniel, and i'm sorry for that. i really am. i think that i've pushed him away a lot, but it was so necessary. i'm so glad that it has happened so i can figure out who the fuck i am agian. i have a lot more confidence in my abilities. i don't feel inferior anymore.
things are coming to an end, and i'm fine with it. i'm happy :)
i find myself wondering around campus comparing what my first day reactions were to the accumulation of thoughts that i have about this place now. Its crazy how much you can get used to one place but still feel like its not your home at all. I think about how many faces at the beginning of the year were just faces...with no history, character, or personality. now they have become some of my closest friends, some whom i know better than my friends at home...some we've partied with, some we've studied with...that's probably one of my favorite things to do...is think back on how much i've gotten to know my friends at sewanee.
I also feel like I am ready to let go of this place. i thought that it would be a painful experience, leaving sewanee, although i really wanted it; however, in thepast week or so i have just noticed that even though i am stil lhere, things are starting to move on without me. everyone has their classes, dorms, and roommates picked out for next year. making plans, talkign about how great everything will be. tess and charles :)
I've changed SO MUCH this year. i know that i said back in august that i would never come back the same, but i didn't think that i would really change that much b/c i loved who i was when i left for sewanee...only in the past three weeks or so have i really matured and realized that i can be happy , or at least content, no matter what lousy situations i get in. i realize that a lot of my exaggerated emotional issues this year were from excessive worrying. not only that, but a lack of stability in knowing who i was, what i wanted, and what i NEEDED. its okay though; i went through a huge life change. you're not SUPPOSED to know who you are in college!!! at least initially. you're away from home and all of its comfort for the first time. i know that i took a lot of my insecurities out on daniel, and i'm sorry for that. i really am. i think that i've pushed him away a lot, but it was so necessary. i'm so glad that it has happened so i can figure out who the fuck i am agian. i have a lot more confidence in my abilities. i don't feel inferior anymore.
things are coming to an end, and i'm fine with it. i'm happy :)