Corrupted
It had been a week since Ryan moved in with Chad. Life seemed okay for him, well at least that's what it seemed like to any onlookers. He smiled more, he wasn't doing drugs, he was eating he was almost like the old Ryan, but inside he was anything but. His head ached constantly, his skin itched, his body twitched he was desperate for something he couldn't have. Chad seemed the only person who noticed. Ryan knew that was only because he was around him most, his sister saw what she wanted to see the happy go lucky smile of her beloved brother. Ryan hated life.
“You know it wasn't going to be easy,” Chad said softly. Chad had decided he didn't want Ryan in the spare room, it had nothing to do with trust, but he had a spare bed in his room from when his brother used to share and he liked having a room mate.
“I didn't think it was going to be this hard.” Ryan admitted. He hated admitting weakness of any kind. He was used to be seen as bullet proof. Nothing could hurt an Evans.
“How do you feel?”
“You know when you got a bad cold.” Ryan sighed he turned so he was propped up against his elbow, Chad did the same and they stared at each other from their beds.
“Yeah,” Chad said a little confused.
“And you've had so much cold syrup that you're used to taking it three times a day because it makes you feel better.”
“Yeah,”
“I feel like I constantly want cold syrup to make me feel better.” Ryan said sadly. “And I hate it.”
“It'll get easier soon.” Chad smiled, he had confidence in his friend. Ryan was strong, if he wanted to do something bad enough he could. “You just need to have faith.”
“What happens when I'm okay?” Ryan asked.
“What do you mean?” Chad was confused once more.
“When I'm no longer craving anything. Do I go home? Do I want to go back home? What do I do?”
“You don't want to go home?” Chad asked gently. He remembered everything Ryan had said about his parents, how they treated him about being gay and he wondered if he was Ryan would he want to go back to that.
“No.” Ryan sighed, and Chad knew he would have said the same thing. “But I can't stay here. I have no where else.”
“You can stay here as long as you need.” Chad smiled. Chad knew his mum would allow it too. After the phone call to Ryan's parents who had told her all about the drugs, him being gay, every dirty secret Ryan held dear, his mum had still allowed him to stay, and Chad knew she liked him after all no one made that much food for one person if they hated them.
Ryan didn't say anything, he didn't know what to say. He just closed his eyes and turned so he was back to lying on his back. “Can I ask you something?” Chad asked.
“You just did.” Ryan replied sarcastically. Chad laughed and climbed out of his bed and jumped on Ryan's. “What are you doing?”
“Don't know.” Chad smiled. “Budge up.” Ryan did as he was told and Chad got under the covers with him and they stared at each other.
“So you wanted to ask me something.” Ryan said softly, his breath brushing against Chad's cheek.
“Yeah... erm...” Chad hadn't realised he was that close, he wondered why he climbed into the blonds bed but he hadn't even thought about it until his legs were already tucked under Ryan's covers. “Was it your idea.” Ryan raised an eye brow completely confused. “The drugs.”
“Oh.” Ryan mumbled. “No. well... I could have said no.”
“You didn't, not even at first?” Chad was a little surprised, in his head he had Ryan being forced by peer pressure or something like that.
“No. Trevor offered I said yes.” Ryan sighed. “I saw it as a way to make my parents have a reason to be embarrassed by me.” Chad understood that, sort of. “I just hadn't expected to like it so much.”
“What was it like?” Chad was curious.
“Being high.” Ryan laughed. “Says everything in the title.” Ryan smiled. “I don't know... I felt invincible like nothing could hurt me. Nothing did until it wore off and I realised every time I did it I hurt more.” Chad didn't say anything, he could feel how much Ryan was hurting and he wanted nothing more then to make him feel better. “Sex when you're high is amazing though.”
“With Trevor?” Chad asked a little jealousy.
“Yeah.” Ryan shrugged. “Guy was a prick but he knew what to do with it.” Chad couldn't help but laugh at that.
“When did you realise you were gay?”
“What is this twenty questions?” Ryan giggled.
“I'm just curious. I mean... we've known each other forever but missed out on a lot. I mean with Troy I know everything, and well I just want to know everything about you too.”
“I'm not really very interesting.” Ryan mumbled.
“And you think Troy is?” Chad laughed. Ryan smiled back sheepishly and Chad pressed the question.
“I was thirteen.” Ryan mumbled. “His name was Nicholas, he was sixteen. He was cute, and popular. He was my tutor and I just fell for him.”
“What happened?”
“He was straight, and had a girlfriend. Nothing happened, but ever since then I never looked at another girl, though I'm pretty sure I never looked at a girl before.” Chad chuckled.
“When did you tell your parents?” Chad asked.
“When I was fifteen.” Chad frowned, Ryan had carried that secret for two years. “They were as accepting as they could be I guess. My mum told me it didn't matter, my dad thought he had done something wrong in raising me. I told him he hadn't, it just happens you can't control it. Up until I heard them I always thought they didn't care. I guess me and Shar aren't the only actors in the family.”
Chad didn't know what to say, he wrapped an arm around Ryan's waist and pulled him close into a tight hug. “You'll be okay, Ry.” Chad promised.
“As long as you keep holding me, I know I will be.” Ryan whispered.
“Then I'm not letting go.” Chad smiled. “Go to sleep Ry.”