Hahaha, this way I don't feel quite so lame.
I did a stupid thing. I bought a paper journal online. I'm scared I will hate it. But it's handmade, and maybe it's the kind of simple and earthy I want. Heh, I somehow doubt it, because I bought it online, but I am hoping it's the paper I am looking for. Now I just have to look for a new pen.
I'm so scared things aren't going to turn out the way I want them to. I don't mean anything other than what I'm waiting to happen right now, this moment. I'm scared that school will not be what I'm looking for, that I won't be able to do better at this hard work thing, and that this thing I'm desperately waiting for might be a while in coming...or something. I'm superstitious, and it's a great leap to mention it at all.
Speaking of superstitious. Well.
I need a paper journal. I want it here now, whether it's what I want or not. I paid a high price for it, and it might not be exactly what I'm looking for, but maybe that's ironically what it is, and I can learn from it. Heh, funny little parallels. I am good at seeing them.
I want to talk to my mom. She can be as absurdly odd as me, and we can discuss it without worrying whether we'll laugh about it. She may be part child, but she's also part grown up...and it suits us both. So long as she doesn't ask me questions. I think too much.
One minute, I feel deeply artistic. The next I feel the antithesis. I don't know. I keep floating back and forth through things and I am viciously fluid...like water on speed. or in speed, depending on how you look at it.
Hehe...and if you think about it...it's exciting. Like a roller-coaster or a waterfall. I pick waterfall.
No, I usually don't act this disjointed. But I don't care. I'm riding a fence right now and that's all there is to it. I'm full of opposite absolutes and we knew that, so of course I'm on a fence. Eventually, I'll pick a side, after I write pages and pages and pages....or type entry upon entry, depending on how fast this journal will arrive. Ah well.
I need to work some more maybe. I have no idea what's coming up soon. *scary*.
The Beatles did a good job. Sometimes I wish I was musical. Haha...on a similar note, I often wish I had occasion to sing more...despite being insanely shy.
I feel like a girl. I'm told not to be ashamed of that, but do girls always feel...?
Nevermind.
I want to feel the pain of working muscles...and overcome extreme laziness. I dunno if I can do it, haha.
I suppose I'll finish it here. It might be more of a pause, but maybe I'll hold out and only stick with three today.
Fucking journal...get here. now.
I'm so scared things aren't going to turn out the way I want them to. I don't mean anything other than what I'm waiting to happen right now, this moment. I'm scared that school will not be what I'm looking for, that I won't be able to do better at this hard work thing, and that this thing I'm desperately waiting for might be a while in coming...or something. I'm superstitious, and it's a great leap to mention it at all.
Speaking of superstitious. Well.
I need a paper journal. I want it here now, whether it's what I want or not. I paid a high price for it, and it might not be exactly what I'm looking for, but maybe that's ironically what it is, and I can learn from it. Heh, funny little parallels. I am good at seeing them.
I want to talk to my mom. She can be as absurdly odd as me, and we can discuss it without worrying whether we'll laugh about it. She may be part child, but she's also part grown up...and it suits us both. So long as she doesn't ask me questions. I think too much.
One minute, I feel deeply artistic. The next I feel the antithesis. I don't know. I keep floating back and forth through things and I am viciously fluid...like water on speed. or in speed, depending on how you look at it.
Hehe...and if you think about it...it's exciting. Like a roller-coaster or a waterfall. I pick waterfall.
No, I usually don't act this disjointed. But I don't care. I'm riding a fence right now and that's all there is to it. I'm full of opposite absolutes and we knew that, so of course I'm on a fence. Eventually, I'll pick a side, after I write pages and pages and pages....or type entry upon entry, depending on how fast this journal will arrive. Ah well.
I need to work some more maybe. I have no idea what's coming up soon. *scary*.
The Beatles did a good job. Sometimes I wish I was musical. Haha...on a similar note, I often wish I had occasion to sing more...despite being insanely shy.
I feel like a girl. I'm told not to be ashamed of that, but do girls always feel...?
Nevermind.
I want to feel the pain of working muscles...and overcome extreme laziness. I dunno if I can do it, haha.
I suppose I'll finish it here. It might be more of a pause, but maybe I'll hold out and only stick with three today.
Fucking journal...get here. now.