i am so scared of what will kill me in the end for i am not prepared

[thinkbrave]

Characters: thinkbrave & howaverage :: closed
Date: late morning
Summary: Exploration of the recently made Hell & shadow visitors
Warnings: violence, war, death

Comments

[howaverage]

The harsh words Ellie greets Em with don't do anything to her. In fact, she's just making sure she can at least keep the girl behind her. Guns make her incredibly nervous, that much is known, and obviously, guns pointed at herself make that worse by the dozen. Still, Em can be pretty fierce when it comes to the people she loves and Ellie is definitely in that list, so she'll keep the girl behind her at all cost, even if that means grabbing her and shoving her back.

"Ellie, please. This isn't--" What? Her fight? Em doesn't even know what's she's doing. She grist her teeth, shakes her head, and then speaks in Bosnian, because she really can't speak Serbian. She's sure the girl can understand at least part of it, because of the expression on her face. It doesn't even matter that the Queen has made the sick twisted choice of turning that boy into a girl here, doesn't even find it odd. «I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't know what else to do. Please, don't. Don't.»"

Of course, the soldier girl is exactly what Ellie had said when they had their big discussion about guns and war. She isn't a child, not in the sense people perceive children, innocent and good. No, she is a war orphan, and she's ruthless and compassionateless. She isn't the sort of person to be persuaded by soft words and pleading gestures. Or wasn't - at least, the phantom, the reflection of what the girl once was, isn't. If anything, Em's words just make her aim the rifle more surely and shout words that Emilia can't understand that well, only barely.

"C'est des conneries," it just slips out in panic. And she feels so guilty about this, as if all of this is her fault. This was supposed to be just a walk with Ellie, just a nice little stroll to her piece of home. And now it's ruined by the Queen's temper tanthrum that's jeopardizing everyone's safety. "Shit." She keeps her hands raised like they're white flags, like that will make the girl lower her gun, "I'm so sorry, Ellie."

For everything. For telling her to hide the gun, for bringing her into this mess, for... just for everything that has happened to her and that Em couldn't stop, couldn't be there for her. The fact that this soldier boy turned into a girl makes her stomach turn; the fear that sometimes gnaws at her at night took a step closer to reality. What if, indeed, that soldier had been Ellie?

[thinkbrave]

It's driving her mad, standing by and not knowing what's being said, even if she can hear all the emotion, the begging and the venom behind the words. She can't jump in, can't fight, and it's not just because of the language barrier; it's because there's someone there with a gun, someone there who might not be a solider from her war, but it's an armed soldier all the same. Could kill her in an instant, faster than she could draw breath to yell. Her own silence deafens her, and she hates herself for it.

Those eyes remind her of a lot of things. The soldiers that took them to Stratton, full of accusation and fear and hatred. This feels worse, somehow, more intense, and those eyes aren't even directed at her. It's all on Em.

Her throat constricts. It's all on Em. It's a gun shot at one of her friends, and all she can think of is Corrie bleeding in the jeep as Kevin pulls away, of that terrified, uncertain look on Robyn's face as she pulls out the pin. Shut up, Em. Don't be a moron, and don't apologise, and don't act like this is-- don't act however she's acting, because it's freaking her out.

"Hey." Hoarse, at first. Quiet and strangled, like her vocal cords are in denial about what's being asked of them. Louder, this time: "Hey! Look at me, you miserable little shit!"

There's no plan. She has no idea what she's doing, in fact. No idea if it'll do anything. Just yelling at this soldier, with the desperate hope it might make a difference.

[howaverage]

"Ellie, don't!"

Maybe it's a different type of thinking. Maybe their wars are different. But soldiers are soldiers and war is war, so sometimes, shouting is not the best solution - and sometimes it's the only solution. This time around, though, it doesn't seem like the best solution because the soldier points the rifle at her instead and shouts something, pointing to the ground.

"не она. Молим." Em shouts instead, redirecting her attention to her. Her Serbian is pretty bad, but joining "no", "she" and "please" isn't that hard and it is the only way she can say "Don't harm her, please"

The soldier glares at Em and she starts speaking very fast, like both of them understand her, but only the sentiment is transparent, and that is maybe enough to get the general idea of it. It's angry and sad and desperate and it seethes of revenge - of blood revenge, the kind of hatred that made the Serbians stalk forward and take the lives of all of those that dared to oppose, the Bosnians, that hatred that made war possible.

So it should not come off as a surprise - but it does - when without warning, she pulls the trigger. Em shouts in surprise and fear, covering her face. She holds her breath and for a moment, she's glad she's alive, but the next second there's a sharp pain and it's hard to breathe in again. She doesn't want to look down at first, just stares at the girl that says her last words before disappearing in a cloud of dust.

Those words meant "your blood for mine" and though Em couldn't translate that, she gets the idea.

It's sudden - not the pain, but the lack of strength in her legs. She hisses and gasps almost surprised, holding her hand over her stomach as she falls down on her knees like a tree that has been cut down. There's wet and red all over her stomach and she presses down against the wound with a sob, because it really hurts. And it's not like the movies at all, she can't hold back the strangled whimpers of pain and the galloping breath that arise from the pain of the wound. She can't even form a coherent sentence.

God, it hurts so bad, and there's blood everywhere.

[thinkbrave]

"No!" It's a stupid word, really. Inconsequential, in this context, no matter how dramatically it tears out her throat. Like no could dissuade someone bent around their own fury or stop a bullet, or will somehow make this all go away. It doesn't; it's useless, but she yells it all the same, staring at gun recoil, like it was slow motion.

Everything starts going slow. Her neck snaps around to face Em, colour draining from her face faster than anything as she crumples forward onto the floor.

There was a time, back in Stratton. After they lost the Kiwis, when they went to rescue Lee. If another one of her group had died, she knew it'd be the end of her. End of her life, right then and there. Losing another friend or never seeing her parents again, those were the two things that she knew would end her. She surges into action, frantically looking around for the soldier, making sure she won't get shot herself, but that little bitch has gone.

(And maybe she gets it. She knows what war does, but that doesn't change that she just shot Em in cold blood, not because she needed to or because there was no other choice. All these thoughts are flying through her head at a few hundred kilometres per hour, before she closes the distance between them, hand immediately pressing to Em's abdomen, shoulders shrugging off her loose cotton shirt to press against it, staunch the bleeding.

"Oh, God." This was too familiar. She didn't need phantoms, not when this was happening all over again. "Em, just stay calm, okay? Keep breathing." Who the person saying stay calm and keep breathing was she had no idea, but she'd be strangling herself later for sprouting out such calm bullshit when she couldn't get a hold of her thoughts.

Blood is everywhere. She'd forgotten people could bleed this much. One hand is wrapping around Em to help support her. "You gotta lie down, okay."

[howaverage]

Em has always led a rather secluded life, all things considered. The girl next door type of thing, really. Just average. She has broken an arm after slipping down from the roof when she was younger, has been held at gun point once, but never once had she been shot. She had no idea of the pain that the bullet can inflict when shot like that. And it's not just any bullet, either, it's a rifle, a different calibre from those handguns from the movies. It inflicts a lot more damage and she isn't going to be sorry for the loud, painful groaning through clenched teeth. She slumps a little when Ellie grabs her, not bothering to hold back the tears burning her eyes.

She just nods and complies, slowly laying down, trying to look at the wound and all she sees is blood and she cries out, holding her bloodied hand over her forehead. She doesn't say it, because even at a time like this, she's keeping things to herself, always an introvert, but all she can think about is dying. And she doesn't want to die, she doesn't want to die at all, so she's just sobbing in pain, not knowing how to get out of there.

"You need-- You need to go get help," she gasps in between sobs, pressing her hand over Ellie's on the shirt trying to block the bleeding. "You need to get help, please." She's not quite as talking as much as she is breathing out those words, clearly frightened, scared for her life.

In a time of panic such as this, you can't really blame the woman for being so terrified for her life - because she really is and that's all that she can think about. Dying and pain, and it's such a panic inducing situation to look down and see so much blood and then slowly realizing that it's all hers. She's trying to breath, but keeping calm, well, that much can't be accomplished right now because usually, she is a very calm lady, but getting shot is certainly not something she would deal with her cool and collected demeanour.