(no subject)
The thing that scares me most is how the future is so unpredictable. I mean, sure you could take the time to make an attempt to map it out, but there are so many other elements in life that will intervene and make changes that were nowhere in the plan. I have grown to like these elements, I have come to cherish them as things that essentially make changes that I did not have the courage to make on my own. But some people just ignore all this. They don't learn nor do they grow. And they'll grow old. Life will just seep through their pores and attack their insides, making their organs rusty and their bodies nimble. My grandma has been here the last week. My little grandma who cries every night. She never knows where she is. Her deep brown eyes are tired and I feel that her spirit is defeated already. All she can talk about is the past, how when she was young she worked as a nurse, helping the lives of civilians and soldiers alike when the wars hit. She rambles on and on and on about the past because she stopped thinking about her future. She's so scared that the life is going to creep out of her any second, so all she does is lay around and watch television. I don't want to end up like that. I want to live until the last second. I wish I could have known my grandmother when she was young, when her hair was rich brown not stark white. When her face held optimism and dedication rather than weariness and nostalgia. I just hope that she got everything that she wanted out of her life, because her body is slowly giving out on her. Her bones don't hold the same elasticity as they once did, her small hands have become worn and unsteady, and even her voice has become a fraction of what I'm sure it once was. Everything about her is small. From what I do know, I know that my grandmother worked diligently to combat the ugliness in her life. She worked to feed her children in the poverty of Del Rio, Texas. She was a soldier. I suppose if you do all of that, there's no way to escape the exhaustion that will set in once you hit a certain age. The human body is only capable of so much before it begins to deteriorate. For some, sickness hits and plagues the body early on, immobilizing the person and making their futures even more uncertain. Will I live until tomorrow? Everyone knows that tomorrow is not guaranteed, even for the healthy. That's why the changes must be made as soon as possible. However, the human mind comes into play and creates paralyzing fears for many. They are too afraid to do the big things that they usually only dream of. Here I am, asking them not to be.