one

[whipcracks]

[ a young woman's voice comes on the Vine. she does not sound pleased. in fact, 'furious' might be a more appropriate way to describe it. ]

What is the meaning of this?! I demand an explanation! Right now! [ there is a loud, sharp CRACK!, the sound of leather hitting hard against the ground.Any foolish answers will be met with a whipping! I don't

Comments

[gravityfists]

[ have a rather exhausted sounding young woman's voice in reply ]

Ma'am, I'm sure everyone here would be a billion times more willing to help out if you didn't start off with threats. All misdirected anger can and will be rerouted to Her Royal Looniness.

[whipcracks]

If by "Her Royal Looniness" you're referring to that Queen of Hearts woman, then I assure you that the moment we meet, she will have judgment rained upon her person in the form of my whip.

[gravityfists]

You'll have to get in line. And possibly pull one of those tickets off the reel that tells you when your turn's coming up. Y'know, [ throatclear] Now serving: number sixty-seven. Number sixty-seven, please report to the killing floor.

Er-but as for meaning, you've pretty much been kidnapped. To an alternate universe. Full of women.

[whipcracks]

[ CRACK! ] What did I just say about not wanting to hear nonsense explanations?!

[gravityfists]

One: I can't feel that through the Vine. Save your strength! Two: it's not nonsense. It's 100% true. Sadly.

The fact that you don't believe me is kinda refreshing, though. You've gotta be some kinda crazy to not go into denial over all this.

[whipcracks]

First of all, I am aware of that -- it's a way to keep count for when I meet you face to face. And of course I don't believe it-- who in their right mind would fall for this sort of foolishly hare-brained fool's foolish rambling? Alternate universe? Next you'll be trying to tell me I was brought here by spaceship! [ CRACK! ] Ridiculous!

[gravityfists]

Actually, I don't think a spaceship would be capable of taking you to an alternate universe. It's not as if you get to the edge of space and there's a door you can step through into Alternate Universe #12, or something. You'd be better off with some sort of... device, like a teleporter, or something that could disturb the universe's, uh, structure enough to let you break through. [ Way to miss the point, Steph. And just how many Quantum Physicists are rolling in their graves at that explanation? ]

Sooooo, anyway. I dunno how we got here. Probably some sort of disturbance in the space/time continuity. Keep an eye on the cats and all the-interesting individuals turning up. You'll start to believe it, sooner or later.

[whipcracks]

Quiet! If you have any point to get at all, hurry up and get to it without any more long-winded drivel! [ CRACK! ] But if your point is to convince me that I am, in fact, currently located in an alternate universe, then I suggest you spare us both the trouble and shut up instead!

[gravityfists]

[ silence. silence. silence ]

[ ... ... ... ]

[gravityfists]

I'm Steph! Stephanie Brown. Mild-mannered college student.

Who're you?

[whipcracks]

In no point in time did I ask for your name, occupation, or nature! [ CRACK! ] Do not saddle me with unnecessary information!

[whipcracks]

... Regardless, my name is Franziska von Karma, the prosecutorial prodigy. You'd do well to remember it.

[gravityfists]

Good to meetcha, Miss Karma. Unfortunately, I don't think we have any courts around here.

[whipcracks]

That's von Karma. And I care little for any courts that may or may not be here, as my only interest is how to get out.

[gravityfists]

I'm afraid there's no in-built emergency exit, vK.

[whipcracks]

[ CRACK! ] Do not refer to me in such a familiar manner! And despite your foolish insistence that this is an "alternate universe", there's got to be a way out! We got here, didn't we?!