(no subject)

[queenofflames]

It's all over.........after all the work I put in..all the swallowing my pride and not saying things I've wanted to say. After all the patience and disappointment...It's all over. He just up and left me....Like I was nothing.....Like I just didn't just spend the past year of my life doing everything in my power to please him. Why would he lie to me. Why would he do this. I gave him my fuckin' heart and he used it as a goddamn floormat....I did nothing but try to keep him happy...even at the cost of my own happiness. I went places I never wanted to go. I did things I thought were stupid but put a smile on it anyway because I loved him. I can't even put the goddamn word in the past tense cuz I still do. But it's wasted feelings I know. I wish they would stop. So that I could stop hurting. Cuz I can't take falling asleep and waking up with tears in my eyes. I can't take my voice cracking in the middle of sentences.....I can't take flipping out on people cuz I'm trying to hold the pain he caused me inside. I can't take it. I hate being vulnerable. Yet I let him see everyl ast fuckin' part of me in all my honesty because I thought he loved me. And he spit it back at me. I thought I was stronger than this. I thought he was better that this. Why would he lie? Weeks ago he told me his love was everlasting. He forgot to mention that it's conditional.

I was going to give him everything......My entire being....because I thought he loved me. But he pulled the carpet from under my feet and now I'm left here alone to heal my wounds and try to figure out what to do with myself.

I should've known when he didn't say it back. But I thought there was hope yet.........................I was wrong.

I think I'm dying......

~Kiki~