(no subject)
So................
tomorrow is me and Matt's One Year Anniversary....and me being the loser girlfriend that I am have not gotten him anything.....Ugh......
School is just........frustrating...I can't do any of it right...I think I made the wrong decision when I chose to stay in IB. I can't do it....really I can't. And I'm sick of being ignored by Matt. He sees me when it's convenient for him. Not because it would be great to spend a lil' time with his girlfriend, but because he had a lil' room to take out for me.....I had to ask him to make sure I would see him tomorrow......And I could tell by the way he answered that he would not have come to see my in the morning if I hadn't asked him to. Why am I so upset with him? I love him right? So why am I only ever angry at him. What happened to my sweet, caring boyfriend from when we first started going out??? Why do I feel like he's taking me for granted? Is it because we've been together for so long? Or an I just being selfish again? Am I never happy or satisfied. I haven't seen him outside of school in months.....Maybe that's what it is.......maybe I'm frustrated because I only see him for 20 minutes every other day....And then never on the weekend. I haven't gone out on a date with him or anything. When I suggested it, he made me come up with the entire plan and because of that, I hadn't figured it out quite right enough to tell him yet so he told my mom that we weren't going out that weekend so she canceled my date and went on one herself....Why didn't she ask me? She's always telling me she thinks Matt has too much control over our relationship..... So why didn't she ask me for the details? I don't understand anybody anymore....everyone is confusing me...And I'm sick and tired of my current position and outlook on life...I've been depressed for almost a week now...I want to be happier, but I can't seem to get myself to be...I thought it was all just Matt, but even When I saw him today, I didn't get any happier.....I'm beyond frustrated. All I wanna do is sleep and cry. I can't do this...But I dunno what else to do. I'm so confused. I need help.
Report cards come out Thursday. I already told my mom mine sucks, but she still might get angry with me and ground me anywayz....Then I definitely won't be able to go out on any dates with him. And I'll go crazy with loneliness. And he won't care.
I hate this.
I REALLY hope I get this job.
Good Night ya'll.
Wish me a 'Happy Anniversary'.
~Kiki~
tomorrow is me and Matt's One Year Anniversary....and me being the loser girlfriend that I am have not gotten him anything.....Ugh......
School is just........frustrating...I can't do any of it right...I think I made the wrong decision when I chose to stay in IB. I can't do it....really I can't. And I'm sick of being ignored by Matt. He sees me when it's convenient for him. Not because it would be great to spend a lil' time with his girlfriend, but because he had a lil' room to take out for me.....I had to ask him to make sure I would see him tomorrow......And I could tell by the way he answered that he would not have come to see my in the morning if I hadn't asked him to. Why am I so upset with him? I love him right? So why am I only ever angry at him. What happened to my sweet, caring boyfriend from when we first started going out??? Why do I feel like he's taking me for granted? Is it because we've been together for so long? Or an I just being selfish again? Am I never happy or satisfied. I haven't seen him outside of school in months.....Maybe that's what it is.......maybe I'm frustrated because I only see him for 20 minutes every other day....And then never on the weekend. I haven't gone out on a date with him or anything. When I suggested it, he made me come up with the entire plan and because of that, I hadn't figured it out quite right enough to tell him yet so he told my mom that we weren't going out that weekend so she canceled my date and went on one herself....Why didn't she ask me? She's always telling me she thinks Matt has too much control over our relationship..... So why didn't she ask me for the details? I don't understand anybody anymore....everyone is confusing me...And I'm sick and tired of my current position and outlook on life...I've been depressed for almost a week now...I want to be happier, but I can't seem to get myself to be...I thought it was all just Matt, but even When I saw him today, I didn't get any happier.....I'm beyond frustrated. All I wanna do is sleep and cry. I can't do this...But I dunno what else to do. I'm so confused. I need help.
Report cards come out Thursday. I already told my mom mine sucks, but she still might get angry with me and ground me anywayz....Then I definitely won't be able to go out on any dates with him. And I'll go crazy with loneliness. And he won't care.
I hate this.
I REALLY hope I get this job.
Good Night ya'll.
Wish me a 'Happy Anniversary'.
~Kiki~